Yesterday, Bwog correspondent Addison Anderson brought you a critique of the facebook’s expansive features section. Today, he surveys the book’s real offering: new kids on campus! To those who entertain us with your awkward visages: we salute you.

gabrielThe prize for Coolest Outdoor Picture Background goes to Gabriel Schubiner‘s chain-link fence.  Campus bad boy!  

 

 


michelleMichelle Meleski
comes in a very close second for her Japanese paper wall squares.

 

 


haleyHaley Vecchiarelli
, I’m citing you for the Most Flagrant Head Tilt. Nice job.

 

 


jaeJae Chung
  shows off a wonderful Yearbook Fist on Chin pose.  Keep it up. 

 

 

brandonThe Best Name  prize goes to Brandon Hammer, along with Most Likely to Be a Badass Rogue Cop.

 

 

 


tateTate Jackson
wins for Having Someone Whispering in Your Ear in Your Picture While You’re Wearing a Bowtie.

 

 

Most Likely People to Pull Off a Heist; on page 37, check out the fourth row.

breenetal

 

 

 

Thomas Breen, Corey Bregman, David Brekke, and Robert Brennan should be in a bank-robbing gang, because they all look cool but in different ways.  The stern Breen does the explosives, frenetic Bregman hacks the security codes, tough-as-nails Brekke handles crowd control with the shotty, and slick Robert Brennan, a.k.a. Bobby B, drives getaway and has some cool catchphrase.  If you guys are reading this, form a gang now.       

The picture section also includes little “I wish I had known” hint boxes for life at CU, so freshmen won’t have to learn things the hard way.  Remember the “hard” way?

From page 47: “I wish I had known that you should get off the uptown 2-3 train on or before 96th street.” Presumably this is because you will never want or have reason to go, and if you ever do, you’ll regret it.  “Central Harlem?! O how I wish I had known!  Uh-oh, a swarm of oncoming stab wounds…”

This sort of subliminal fear does at least take readers beyond the hype, since, according to the facebook, Columbia life ultimately is about being afraid of Harlem, along with fake enthusiasm, condescension toward Barnard, and normal looking if not attractive students. By conveying those truths directly or otherwise, NSOP’s facebook succeeds.  But why wouldn’t it?

After all, Tony Fu CC ’09 worked on it, and he rules.