Got a flair for writing narcissistic melodrama? The New York Times’ Modern Love is looking for college-age students to write about “what love is now.” Sample response provided by website: “I’m this century’s answer to the last-minute prom date: the gay best friend.” Ooh, edgy! Zeitgeist-y!

So get to work, tortured yet insightful essayists. Winner receives $1000–or in Columbia online survey calculations 3 1/3 iPods– and national fame/embarrassment. It’s like therapy except completely exhibitionist and ineffective. But it’s so much cheaper.