now hiringA sharp-eyed tipster has alerted us to a rather curious job posting on Columbia’s openings database. It seems that the University’s General Counsel has stepped down — right now we’ve only got an interim — and they’ve retained a headhunter to land us someone truly exceptional. Consider some of the sought-after traits, translated into plain English:

  • Must be cerebral as well as pragmatic. (Think, but don’t think too much).
  •  Must be resilient in the face of numerous urgent priorities and interaction with many strong personalities within the University community. (Our administrators are a pain to deal with.)
  • Adeptness at working in a highly nuanced environment with varied constituencies. (Our bureaucracy puts the Labyrinth of Knossos to shame. And the aforementioned bureaucrats are fiercely territorial.)
  •  The natural ability to rapidly prioritize as well as execute while exhibiting a sense of urgency, superb judgment, compassion, wisdom and a sense of humor. (Be everything our administrators aren’t.)
  • Impeccable academic credentials, which include a J.D. from a top tier law school. (We need to have the same in-jokes).
  • A pragmatist who speaks and writes in plain English that can be readily translated into other languages, when needed. (But you shouldn’t be so educated that you use big words).
  • Intellectual zest and curiosity. (Even though you won’t have time to indulge it.)

  • A pronounced sense of urgency. (You will work your ass off.)

Now accepting applications!