There Once Was A Final Exam…
Put down the Sparknotes, freshmen—Bwog has your cheatsheet study guide to the Lit Hum exam right here.
No, we’re not trying for a repeat of those fateful days of two years yore, but we are hoping to help you prepare for your Lit Hum exam with the best study device known to mankind: limericks.
After the jump, Bwog has converted all several thousand pages of reading into 11 limericks, the perfect size for you to memorize in between sips of Red Bull and Pepsi Max. Only the required texts could be included, so if your instructor slipped some random book into the syllabus (Persepolis, anyone?), you’ll be on your own, unfortunately.
But, as you freshmen take a last-minute—and maybe first-time—glance over your Lit Hum books, Bwog wishes you best of luck. You’ve almost made it!
| AENEID (Vergil) Aeneas of Troy had grown tired Of fighting off gods who conspired. From Carthage he’d sailed, Fought hard and prevailed: To rule Latium was what he desired. |
KING LEAR (Shakespeare) There once was a man named King Lear With two daughters who were really queer Cordelia got kicked out While Edmund had a pout And ‘Never’ was the word we would hear |
|
| METAMORPHOSES (Ovid) In this story the constant is change The transforming spans quite a range: Into birds, trees, and dogs, Circe’s victims to hogs. Yet the poems survived, which is strange. |
DON QUIXOTE (Cervantes) I know what you think, this one’s easy Dude thinks he’s Prince Charming, fo’sheezy But his missions quixotic Look merely psychotic The end makes romantics quite queasy! |
|
| CONFESSIONS (Augustine) Saint Auggie stole pears and loved sex. No one knew where his mind would go next. But he became Christian When in a garden he listened To a voice that Satan did vex. |
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (Austen) A fripperous fable of Britain, The most the most elegant prose ever written, Where the worst kind of flirts Find out that love hurts. Pity Liz, with whom Darcy is smitten! |
|
| DIVINE COMEDY (Dante) There once was an arrogant poem Where Dante through Hades did roam. He met friend and foe, Stuck Ulysses down low, And now we’re stuck reading his tome. |
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT (Dostoevsky) Raskolnikov wielded an axe, Then found that he could not relax. A detective–Porfiry– Made poor Rodion leery With his tireless hunt for the facts. |
|
| DECAMERON (Boccaccio) Ten teenagers go gallivanting, In the countryside they start a’ranting, Devils in hell, On the roof for a spell, Frisky nuns they’re still a ‘panting. |
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE (Woolf) To the lighthouse James wanted to go, But his scholarly Father said no. Though his Mom said they might, She then died in the night, And the trip ten years later just blowed. |
|
| ESSAYS (Montaigne) Imagination can fuck you up? And idleness totally sucks? What does it mean to repent? What about when years are spent? Montaigne will never shut up. |
—JYH, DYB, LDP, SV, JMB |
Tags: because you're not actually studying, limericks are not a kind of cocktail, lit hum
8 May 2009 @ 6:51 AM · 19 comments
not weilded for C&P
The poems that you’ve got here are cute
And more or less truthful, to boot
But I know, alas
That I ain’t gonna pass
So the point here is more or less moot.
The poems that you’ve got here are cute
And more or less truthful, to boot
But I know, alas
That I ain’t gonna pass
So the point here is pretty much moot.
where are the CC limericks.
i want a nietzsche limerick
seconded. I want some CC limericks ASAP, ’cause I didn’t actually do most of the reading
I’m sorry our limerick elves
Had a little too much work themselves.
They plan to do CC
In all its entirety,
But only in time for the ’12s.
The blond beast a slave does resent
And so to the “soul†does assent.
Many battles were had,
Good/evil, good/bad
In Judea and Rome was the advent.
yay
There once was a junior from SEAS,
Whose mind just decided to freeze,
Can a poem help her cram
for any SEAS exam?
Nope. So much for a degree.
may think that, but I totally remember stuff for orgo by rewriting songs that get stuck in my head easily. Try something like that?
As a member of the class 2 years ago who was privy to the cheating fiasco (read: heaven), I can assure you that limericks–while just ever so charming–just do not create the same effect as your professor telling you the what quotes will appear on the exam for us to identify….
Oh God does CC suck some ass
I’m serious, this class sucks ass.
I hate CC
Oh yes I hate CC
Fuck this class, it really sucks ass.
this poem hits the nail on the head
90 percent of the texts i’ve not read
not hegel, nor mill
i’ve not got the will
take cc? no, i’d rather be dead.
So pathetic that you kids don’t actually do your Lit Hum and CC reading… why’d you bother coming to Columbia? These two courses are what distinguishes Columbia alumni from those of other schools. You had the opportunity, and you blew it.
Limericks to pass the finals? How pathetic.
well done, bwog
there was once a final exam
for which not even gods could cram
it was metrics with till
and it’s making me ill
a failed student walking, I am
I love Lit Hum and CC. They were the best classes at Columbia.
…Having to choose 10 out of 11 ids.
I get it now.
to see you up there
…what with you being on such a high horse and all.
enjoy & celebrate your own education and successes but don’t belittle the choices of others.
sincerely,
someone who did (almost) all of the reading