Columbia: where even dating advice is lecture material
17 November 2009 @ 12:46 PM · 24 comments
on Glass House Rocks 2012 on Return of the Hawkma
8GB Patriot Flash Drive, with a “Scale the Summit” bottle opener and a key attached. Was in the Brooks Computer Lounge located in the Barnard Quad, in the computer “Brooks14″. Lost at 2:30 pm. Will tradesies for another flash drive. For reals. Contact jef2140@barnard.edu.
I’ve been missing a green notebook for my Evolutionary Basis of Human Behavior (EEEBW4010) class since Feb. 7th. It should have the name Kimberly Young written inside. It was last seen in the Schapiro computer lab. If found, please contact kty2102@columbia.edu
The purse has large red circles on it, and contained an ID card, keys, wallet, pink headphones, Metrocard, and other important things. Last seen in Schermerhorn 614. If found, please contact rdc2125@barnard.edu
Hi, I’m missing a black LL Bean Backpack, last seen in the lounge of Broadway 12 during the Super Bowl. It’s black, with the initials “BCB,” embossed in grey. It contains an Apple laptop and several important books. If found, contact bcb2131@columbia.edu.
I lost a Lion Laundry bag full of gym items. Contact sac2171.
Black puffy coat with two layers and Burberry plaid pattern on lining. Last seen at Lerner Party Space during Black Students Organization (BSO) party on January 20. Please contact jyc2130@columbia.edu if found. Reward offered.
Yellowish ivory scarf with a lot of print on it. Most likely to be found at 504 Diana or LRC SIPA. If found then you shall be rewarded with my eternal gratitude. Contact: an2503@barnard.edu
Last seen in the Hartley computer lab at around 9 am, on 1/30/12. No case; no password; background is a generic picture of a rower on a lake. About 2 years old and showing its wear. Contact: etp2109.
Last seen at Il Cibreo on January 19 around 1am. It’s beige cashmere with unique colors which complete the original burberry pattern. If you took it by accident please contact aln2133@columbia.edu. If you took it because you like it, not cool.
I have free advice. Get rid of the purse, pull your pants up, stop acting like a homosexual, get some confidence and don’t think little psych tricks are going to fool women.
Dear God I hope the speaker’s free advice isn’t as bad as your free advice.
Actually, that was pretty good advice.
By the way I do not like the new commenting system. There’s always one letter in those damn confirmation words that’s totally ambiguous.
this talk is redundant, there is no dating at columbia
lalalallalalalala.
this pick-up artist bullshit is a surefire way to NOT get yourself a date. manipulating a dumb woman into sleeping with you is a great way to ensure that she sticks around!
my free advice: grow some balls and say hi. basing all of your interactions with me around the fact that you want to sleep with me is a turnoff. put in some effort. be my friend. the fact that you want to sleep with me does not make you special. show me what does. don’t dress like a schlub (but don’t care too much), maintain good hygiene (especially dental), keep your room clean, and for the love of god keep your sheets clean.
clean sheets, decent lighting, and a sort of clean room are VERY IMPORTANT.
it wouldn’t kill you to put a poster or something on those walls too..
omg can’t believe i forgot the poster. good call.
Actually, you all should read this book! I have and it’s not as stupid as you think. It provides really subtle, cunning tricks for guys to use on girls, and now after reading it, I notice guys doing these tricks all the time and can avoid them! The book is actually a great way for girls to see through the tricks that guys might be using on them to lower girls’ self-esteem or persuade them into a relationship/hook-up with a sleazeball. I’m definitely not saying that all or even most guys have read The Game, but I’ve seen so many guys do lots of the subtle tricks Strauss suggests. Check it out, ladies.
that’s pretty good, maybe you should be giving the lecture
I’d find men who act like homosexuals irresistible.
Don’t fall all over yourself to cater to her every whim. Be available in moderation (when you are first dating). Be a funny, confident (but not cocky, NEVER cocky) guy. Be spontaneous and romantic, but don’t cry over chick flicks. Give her flowers because it’s Tuesday, but don’t take her out to celebrate your “one week anniversary.” Listen to her and be interested in what she has to say. Ask questions (40 year old virgin was right!). Be yourself, don’t be nervous. And if she’s not interested….MOVE ON, don’t hang around, hoping that she might one day realize what she’s missing….MOVE ON, there’s somebody else that will like you for what you are NOW.
Also, learn how to please her sexually…
I <3 Dudester
dudester is so right… Sometimes it’s hard to remember that guys outside of Columbia are not awkward, grade-obsessed, and boring as fuck. The girls on this campus are far from perfect, but I would say holistically speaking they put in a bit more effort than the guys do. It sucks to constantly be around guys who just don’t give a shit. They think we’re the ones with a problem–prude, stand offish, snobby–but maybe if they tried just 5% more than they do now, they would see a difference. It wouldn’t hurt anyone on this campus if people were having a little more sex. Maybe midterms wouldnt be so stressful, people would shower more, there would be the occasional smile if we got laid. Girls like having sex, contrary to popular belief.
all of this advice is pathetic. the only way to get a girl is to make a lot of money, work out a lot (drink a lot of PROTEIN SHAKES AHHHHH PROTEIN), and have a big penis.
protein shakes are for pussies. try this instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
that this is chris luna giving this seminar and let me tell you he tried to hit on my friends and i at the pourhouse and he failed. miserably.
bwog please send a reporter to cover this event. there are a lot of guys who won’t go but need the advice.
Wait, are there straight columbia guys? Maybe I should leave the Barnard dorms…I didn’t know there was another option…
keep the advice coming, columbia women! we all need it
Yeah, I agree, let us know!
Chris, let’s hear all about how to turn the AFC into a PUA! I want to make them ladies scream in my ear like they do yours, saying only “AHHHHH GET OFF ME CHRIS AHHHH WHERES PUBLIC SAFETY!”
Fun and joking aside, I tried this and it totally works:
When you’re talking to a girl, just point at your penis. Don’t draw any attention to what you’re doing, just do a cock-point for like 2 seconds while you keep talking. Once you do that, you’re guaranteed oral at minimum.
I never knew that Columbia girls were all so interesting, well groomed, and approachable! Too bad all the guys are shy, clumsy, and boring.
I don’t think guys are the only hopeless ones on campus. To think otherwise is both naive and hilarious.