Columbia: where even dating advice is lecture material
17 November 2009 @ 12:46 PM · 24 comments
I lost some matte green Ray-Ban sunglasses during the last night of Senior Week revelry outside EC. If anyone finds them, take pity because they were the only thing that fools people into thinking that I’m cool. One delicious burrito dinner reward for their safe return. Email sar2160@columbia.edu if you know anything.
Name: Emily Selinger, lost 5/10 somewhere at Senior Ball, gaslight, or 1020. ess2168@columbia.edu
Found in one of the couches in the Wallach Sky Lounge. Returned to Hartley Hospitality Desk.
Dark blue-green plaid Old Navy jacket and green scarf. Misplaced in EC on April 30. If found, please email abc2160@columbia.edu. Thank you!
PointMobl Black Retractable Micro USB AC Phone Charger. Lost it in Hartley lounge. E-mail: nnamdi.nwaezeapu@gmail.com
Lost a Black High Sierra backpack containing a white binder and a red pencil bag in Ferris Booth Dining Hall on Wednesday, April 25th, around 7:30 to 8pm. It was left on a chair in the second floor in a table around the middle of the room close to the staircase. If spotted someone taking it or found, please call immediately at 208-964-6780 or email rm2999@columbia.edu
Light blue, hardcover. Beginning Level. Lost last Tuesday in the Barnard 2nd floor women’s bathroom.
If found, please contact jac2295@columbia.edu
Lost a Blackberry Bold from Verizon Wireless at ADP on Saturday night. If found please email rsf2121@columbia.edu or call 601-994-3697. There will be a $$ reward!!
These were lost potentially on philosophy lawn on the evening of April 17th. The earrings are large silver flower cutouts and the mood ring is a blue band with small flowers inset. Both are old with a lot of sentimental value attached. Would greatly appreciate their return if found. Please contact on2139@columbia.edu/
646-496-3613, will reward with home baked goods and eternal gratitude.
Droid II Phone without any particular markings. Possibly left at the street fair or in Math. Contact cw2453.
I have free advice. Get rid of the purse, pull your pants up, stop acting like a homosexual, get some confidence and don’t think little psych tricks are going to fool women.
Dear God I hope the speaker’s free advice isn’t as bad as your free advice.
Actually, that was pretty good advice.
By the way I do not like the new commenting system. There’s always one letter in those damn confirmation words that’s totally ambiguous.
this talk is redundant, there is no dating at columbia
lalalallalalalala.
this pick-up artist bullshit is a surefire way to NOT get yourself a date. manipulating a dumb woman into sleeping with you is a great way to ensure that she sticks around!
my free advice: grow some balls and say hi. basing all of your interactions with me around the fact that you want to sleep with me is a turnoff. put in some effort. be my friend. the fact that you want to sleep with me does not make you special. show me what does. don’t dress like a schlub (but don’t care too much), maintain good hygiene (especially dental), keep your room clean, and for the love of god keep your sheets clean.
clean sheets, decent lighting, and a sort of clean room are VERY IMPORTANT.
it wouldn’t kill you to put a poster or something on those walls too..
omg can’t believe i forgot the poster. good call.
Actually, you all should read this book! I have and it’s not as stupid as you think. It provides really subtle, cunning tricks for guys to use on girls, and now after reading it, I notice guys doing these tricks all the time and can avoid them! The book is actually a great way for girls to see through the tricks that guys might be using on them to lower girls’ self-esteem or persuade them into a relationship/hook-up with a sleazeball. I’m definitely not saying that all or even most guys have read The Game, but I’ve seen so many guys do lots of the subtle tricks Strauss suggests. Check it out, ladies.
that’s pretty good, maybe you should be giving the lecture
I’d find men who act like homosexuals irresistible.
Don’t fall all over yourself to cater to her every whim. Be available in moderation (when you are first dating). Be a funny, confident (but not cocky, NEVER cocky) guy. Be spontaneous and romantic, but don’t cry over chick flicks. Give her flowers because it’s Tuesday, but don’t take her out to celebrate your “one week anniversary.” Listen to her and be interested in what she has to say. Ask questions (40 year old virgin was right!). Be yourself, don’t be nervous. And if she’s not interested….MOVE ON, don’t hang around, hoping that she might one day realize what she’s missing….MOVE ON, there’s somebody else that will like you for what you are NOW.
Also, learn how to please her sexually…
I <3 Dudester
dudester is so right… Sometimes it’s hard to remember that guys outside of Columbia are not awkward, grade-obsessed, and boring as fuck. The girls on this campus are far from perfect, but I would say holistically speaking they put in a bit more effort than the guys do. It sucks to constantly be around guys who just don’t give a shit. They think we’re the ones with a problem–prude, stand offish, snobby–but maybe if they tried just 5% more than they do now, they would see a difference. It wouldn’t hurt anyone on this campus if people were having a little more sex. Maybe midterms wouldnt be so stressful, people would shower more, there would be the occasional smile if we got laid. Girls like having sex, contrary to popular belief.
all of this advice is pathetic. the only way to get a girl is to make a lot of money, work out a lot (drink a lot of PROTEIN SHAKES AHHHHH PROTEIN), and have a big penis.
protein shakes are for pussies. try this instead:
that this is chris luna giving this seminar and let me tell you he tried to hit on my friends and i at the pourhouse and he failed. miserably.
bwog please send a reporter to cover this event. there are a lot of guys who won’t go but need the advice.
Wait, are there straight columbia guys? Maybe I should leave the Barnard dorms…I didn’t know there was another option…
keep the advice coming, columbia women! we all need it
Yeah, I agree, let us know!
Chris, let’s hear all about how to turn the AFC into a PUA! I want to make them ladies scream in my ear like they do yours, saying only “AHHHHH GET OFF ME CHRIS AHHHH WHERES PUBLIC SAFETY!”
Fun and joking aside, I tried this and it totally works:
When you’re talking to a girl, just point at your penis. Don’t draw any attention to what you’re doing, just do a cock-point for like 2 seconds while you keep talking. Once you do that, you’re guaranteed oral at minimum.
I never knew that Columbia girls were all so interesting, well groomed, and approachable! Too bad all the guys are shy, clumsy, and boring.
I don’t think guys are the only hopeless ones on campus. To think otherwise is both naive and hilarious.