Name, school: Cliff Massey, Columbia College

Claim to fame: President of CC 2010 (aka the guy with all the free shirts)

Where are you going?: I’ll be staying in New York after graduation. Not sure what I’ll be doing, but I’m sure it’ll be peachy.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Use the stairwells in the back of Lerner to get around. The ramps and elevators are generally not worth it.
2. John Jay food is good if you’re creative. They have a spice rack–put it to good use!
3, The walls are paper thin in every single building, which means living next to your best friend who’s dating someone is often awkward at night.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I have provided free beer at least once a month to over 2,000 seniors for an entire year. QED, bitches.

Any war stories from the War on Fun?: There was that whole “40s on 40” thing. But I really don’t wanna talk about it, for fear of having to attend another meeting with administrators.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese?: I’m pretty sure cheese is the only one that will still taste good when I’m 65.

Any advice for the Class of 2014: The people are what make this school so amazing. Don’t spend all (or any) of your time in Butler. Get out there and get to know the incredible people in your class. They’ll change your life for the better!

Any regrets?: I really wish I’d been part of a dance team at some point. Anyone who’s seen me at any dance party knows I have no skills (awkward white boy dance syndrome). I just wish I’d joined something like Sabor that could teach me to dance all sexy-like.