Hey, I Just Met You… And This is Crazy

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1020 on a Saturday night

1020 on a Saturday night

This evening, Bwog received a tip that is unusual both for its length (long) and its topic (love).

In it, Robert (not his real name) goes to 1020, meets two girls named Kristine and Kristine (not their real names) and falls in love with one of them. Upon her leaving, he asks her to meet him at Alma at dawn, where he’ll be waiting. She does not show. It is a hard read, no matter which way you approach it. But for the names, which have been changed, the tip is unedited.

Read on for social anxiety, a booth, coconut water, David Foster Wallace, and a very long night.

Subject: (minor edit, read this one) I need your guys’ help in trying to find the girl I fell in love with (last night at 1020)

Dear Bwog,

I need your guys’ help in trying to find the girl I fell in love with (last night at 1020)

Yes, I’m serious. Yes, I said love. I also know that you laughed at the (last night at 1020) bit in the subject, but I can tell you with all my heart, that doesn’t matter. You can’t control where it happens.

I swear to God, all of this happened.

All I know about her is that her name is Kristine.

If you want to see why you should help me let me tell you the story:

I met her at the start of the night, around let’s say twelve. I think it’s more romantic if we say it was midnight. By some almost alchemical serendipity a booth had completely opened up and no one was filling it, so I pounced. I looked frantically around for someone to ask to sit so I wouldn’t be kicked out. The two people immediately to my left (I was facing the back of the bar) were facing the bar so I said excuse me loudly and they both turned around. I asked them if they’d sit with me to help me keep from losing the booth. They obliged me with what I genuinely think seemed to be a genuine, empathetic obligingness. I have a very acute sense of awareness about this, since I’m always worried that a girl might be thinking I’m creeping and wishing I’d leave. It’s my one real fear apart from like, you know, death etc..

But like I said they both seemed to really want to be sitting there, and we started talking. They noticed I was drinking a coconut water (hard to miss in it’s bright, baby-blue bottle). I told them I wasn’t drinking. I told them that I wasn’t here with friends. I told them I’d come here for the same reason I go to the gym. I came here because I’d been stowed away in my room the other fourteen hours of the day, addicted to the internet like everybody else, and not getting nearly enough sunlight or, of course, actual in-person socialization. That’s why I’d come to 1020. To sit ”around” people for an hour or two. I don’t know why this is considered as weird as it is, but let’s be real, it still is (considered weird). People think people at bars alone are drunkards or else creeps and rapists. It’s not fair to people who just want to people watch for an hour to feel less alone. But anyway, like, I digress.

So like I said I told them the truth , that I was here alone and I really appreciated them helping me save the booth, and they really did seem to smile genuinely at that, and that felt good. We talked about the usual things for a while. The one on the right was named Kristine, and so was the one on the left. This felt somehow serendipitous to me, as I am particularly bad with names. We talked about this, which led to a talk about social conventions and neuroses thereof, which led to a talk about J.D. Salinger and David Foster Wallace for fuck’s sake (sorry). She speaks French.

Pretty soon after that we’d gotten into a conversation about modern celebrity worship and general cultural decay etc. When Kristine (on the right) says of Kristine(on the left), “People always say she looks like Emma Watson.”

Now let me tell you a quick little aside here, because it’s important. When I was about eleven my father brought home a book for me from a business trip to England. He said all the kids there loved it. Within five pages I knew why. Ever since, I’ve been a Potterhead. Not in a like, unhealthy way or anything, I just really love the books. Fastforwarding a bit because this is a long story, I’ve had an imaginary little celebrity crush on Hermione Granger since I was around 12.

So when Kristine (on the right) said that about, I was looking down. When she said it I looked up at Kristine (on the left). Something happened right then that’s never happened in my life before. It was like the way a tiny pebble dropped into perfectly still water will make these beautifully subtle little ripples. It was like that, from her forehead out across her face, and then almost just sort of generally around her facial/headular area, almost like a (yes) an aural glow; A, dare I say it, a halo. It’s just as simple as that. In under half a second she went from being a beautiful girl to the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I genuinely mean that. For the 18 hours since I last saw her face I have been wracking my brain for a girl whose face I loved more. I haven’t been able to do that. She has this gorgeous, like, alabaster skin that looks as soft/gently-touchable as a bar of soap. I immediately transposed an image of Audrey Hepburn’s face onto Emma Watson’s and created a minds-eye’s average. Kristine’s face was a perfect match.

I realized immediately that something big was happening. It felt like my chest and stomach suddenly got really hot; almost like the seat of a car-cushion warmer when you crank the dial suddenly. I swear to God, I swear, the first thought that floated through my head was Shakespeare 1.4/158 . I’m serious.

When this happened I got a sort of somnolescent jaw-drop face for half a second, then immediately sat back against the cushion at my back, taking a deep breath. Kristine did not see this, but Kristine (on the right) did, and got this weird smile. All I said was “something big just happened inside me just [sic] now.” She gave me this, like, tiniest of smiles that made me believe she understood. For the rest of the night, it seemed like she was encouraging Kristineto dip her toe into feeling the same way. I hoped she would, because since the ripple-in-the-pond thing I hadn’t been able to look at her hair without wanting to touch it badly.

So I tried to play it cool, which I didn’t really manage. Like I did externally, because I only said a tenth of what I felt, but even that tenth was enough to be a little freaky. Engrossing, I know it because they stayed and listened, but still, like, a lot. I could see that face on Kristine’s face for a while.

After a while we went out because they needed to use the A.T.M. and I needed to buy another coconut water. While I was standing in the back of the small little convenience store, trying to find one in the fridges there, I could have sworn I heard overheard a snippet of their conversation up at the front of the room. I know it’s wrong to eves-drop, but I could have sworn I heard them say “more profound and philosophical conversation than…”). I could have sworn I heard it, and I was jubilant because I felt the same way. She was so fucking smart. It made my gut feel very strange.

As we walked back towards the bar Kristine (on the right) mentioned that their friends had arrived. I said great, ”mind if I join you guys?” and was kind of thrown off when they didn’t answer immediately, I admit. I looked at Kristine and could have sworn I saw some kind of vague discomfort flash across the face, at least the side that I could see.

When we got back in, they went to the bar to get their beers and I told them I’d be standing in the back, by the big couch-type-thing. I stood there for a while and watched them get their beers and then walk back toward the pool table and stop there, watching the game. Ok, I thought, they’ll come back over eventually. I noticed that they’d started talking to two guys. They were bother very tall and had thicker arms than me. The one in the grey sweater talking to Kristine was crew-cutted, blonde, and of formidable size. I started to feel nervous, angsty, I admit it. Finally, after I’d say ten minutes, I walked over. The bar was still very crowded and the only way I could get over to them was to go around the crowd via the bathroom-side of the room. I did this and walked up to their group to the Kristines’ backs (the two new guys’ backs facing the pool table). I said “Hey.” and got no response. I said it a little louder and Kristine looked back ever so slightly, making the littlest of contact out the sides of her eyes, and just sort of nodded her head. I felt my stomach plummet and my back stiffen. I immediately turned, suppressing a cringe, and said out loud “I am so embarrassed, I’m going home.” I think that I saw Kristine (on the right) overhear me.

Now a lot of things happened over the next half-hour or so. I’ll try to keep it short, because I know we’re running long. I sat at the other end of the bar with two very kind girls who listened to me tell them the story I’ve just told you. They seemed genuinely moved. So much so that when one of them had to go to the bathroom and I realized I did too, I went back there with her and tried (subtly) to point out Kristine to her, as she’d been dying to know. I finally managed too. I was done before her so I headed back first. She got back about five minutes later and told me that the Kristine’s looked engrossed in conversation, she couldn’t tell what about. I sat with them for a few minutes, moping out loud to their condolences. Then I said “fuck, I really want to go back over there.” I wanted to so badly. But I couldn’t bear the thought of freaking Kristine out by “clinging” or “creeping”, the two most shameful things a man can be. I felt torn.

I finally relented, under their enthusiastic stream of encouragement, and got up to make my way to the back of the bar as best I could, having to navigate a tetris-game of bodies along the bar to get there. I met her near the back, heading the other way (i.e. out), and my heart began to sink. We made eye contact, at which I bowed my head sadly and stood aside to let them by. Kristine(on the right) was leading and as she pulled Kristine past I said “Hey,” and they stopped and she looked back and I just looked her in the eye and said “I’m really glad I met you” and then let her go. I stood there for a minute or so. Then I turned around and looked at her boyfriend-type-guy, the one in the grey sweater. I don’t know what came over me but I looked him straight in the eye and said loudly, just shy of argumentatively, “Listen, man. I’m the guy who just fell in love with your girlfriend over there in that booth. It hurts like fuck that you exist but even so, I’m still happy in a way as long as she’s happy. So what I’m telling you now is, do not fuck that up. She is fucking perfect.” And he looked like he’d got hit on the head sort of and by the time he came to I was already walking the other way.

I sat back down with the girls (the ones in the front). And watched Kristine andKristine (on the right) stand out by the payphones in front of the bar, facing the window, Kristine on the left, and Kristine (on the right) on the right. They were talking animatedly about something. This went on for five minutes or so. After that the two guys passed and joined them. They, too, were talking about something animatedly. This went on for about eight minutes over which I noticed that the two groups, Kristine (on the right) on the right and Kristine on the left, and Kristine’s guy on the left, talking to Kristine with his back turned towards me, and Kristine (on the right)’s guy on the right talking to Kristine (on the right) with his back facing me too.

Got that? So like I said they were drifting apart, the two pairs. And like I said, after about eight minutes the two guys left and the two girls stayed. The two girls talked animatedly for another minute or so, and then started to walk away.

The two girls and I, who had been watching this all unfold through the window, saw Kristine and Kristine (on the right) look back inside for like one second at which I stood up and I could tell they saw me, and I could see that Kristine (on the right) had smiled. I sat back down as they walked away. I hung my head in front of the two girls. Then I said I loved her. I said it, almost muttered it, more to myself than to the two girls. I realized what I said and said it again properly.

Something you should know, I have never said that word. I have never said it because I had never felt it ‘till tonight, like not even to my parents. I know that sounds fucked up, but it’s true and I’ll tell you why. The test that I’ve come up with to judge whether it’s love is to ask yourself whether if the amount you feel, like the feeling you are testing, turned out to be the best it gets, true true love, the top of the pile, cream of the crop 100% pure good-stuff. The rapidly, violently habit-forming kind of druggy love. That is what I think of it as, and I have never felt that, until tonight.

I stood up, grabbed my coat, and told the girls that I was going after her. I ran out the door. Kristine and Kristine (on the right) were about twenty yards away, walking with Kristine on the left and Kristine (on the right) on the right. I asked them to wait up. I jogged up to them. I said “Kristine can I talk to you for a minute.” She said Okay and Kristine (on the right) said they were going to the Heights. I asked if I could walk with them. Kristine dropped back and we walked maybe ten feet behind Kristine (on the right). I think she may have been pretending not to overhear us, as I was saying most of the stuff I’m about to say pretty loud.

I told her that I knew this was a lot, maybe too much to take in. I told her I knew that and felt the same way in my way. But I told her that I also felt like maybe, possibly, was just this infinitesmal little possibility that this really is what we think it is but can’t say out loud because it’s crazy and would sound insane. I told her that if she didn’t believe that, she was being arrogant. I told you we had talked about David Foster Wallace, so I told her to think of fish, and water, and about the fact that the most obvious realities around us, the ones that we automatically believe, are often totally wrong, and even more problematically, hardest to see when they are wrong. I told her that I understood that even though every experience she’d had so far has led her to the conclusion that what I am suggesting is impossible in the “real” world, that no one lives in a romcom, that I’m just being crazy, I told her to think about whether she really was 100%, absolutely certain. I asked her to think about Fish and Water.

By now we’d reached 111th and Broadway on the Duane Reade side and we stopped for a minute because I said that I was going to the steps. They were going to the Heights. I asked her, Kristine, directly if she wanted to go to the steps.Kristine (on the right) looked at her and Kristine said she maybe wanted to go to the steps. Kristine (on the right) said they were going to the Heights. I asked Kristine if she’d come meet me later if I waited. She said maybe. I said I’d wait until sunrise. They walked towards 1020 and I walked to the steps.

When I got there, I took out my ipod, put on the twenty-minute audiobook I have on there called “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace, and spent the next five hours or so contemplatively pacing, or sitting. This became slightly problematic when I needed to pee, as I couldn’t leave the steps in case she came, but fortunately I’d brought along my empty watter-bottle from before so I peed in that twice during the night. As I paced back and forth on the step in front of Alma Mater, I thought about fish, and water, and about how every time I’d asked a girl to take a chance, to try to take a leap of faith across that mental block that the real world is exactly as it seems, every single time, they hadn’t showed. I’d waited on this step or some version a hundred times before. But I’d never waited past when I wanted to stop waiting.

Tonight I did. I waited the whole night, walking twenty-paces back and forth between a sign who’s blank back was turned to me and an empty (believe me, I checked) packet of Marlboro lights laying on the ground. It was twenty steps precisely, I counted many times. I was soon able to walk, turn, walk turn, with my eyes closed, so I would get into this like sort of trance, just walking and thinking about fish and water. Trying with all my heart to believe, genuinely believe, that she was going to show up. Over the course of the night I had a few pleasant distractions. People passing by; two public safety officers, a few bands of ID-less freshman, wanted to know why I was walking back and forth. When I told them I was waiting for a girl they always wanted to know why and so I told them. They all said it was amazing, they all said they were on my side. Something funny happened about halfway through. I mentioned up above that I stayed past wanting to, and that’s true. My hands were numb and I was shivering terribly. But I stayed, not because I wanted to but because I realized that if she did show up (and by this point I’d convinced myself she’d show up right at dawn), I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her by being gone.

She never came. Around 6:30 I walked home. This morning was awful. I was very sad, but thankfully I slept all day. This afternoon I thought a lot. I thought about serendipity and hope and delusion, but most of all about work. About how people always say it takes work, doesn’t just happen. So that is why I am crazy enough right now to ask you guys to put this up, so that she might see it.

And make no mistake, I know that this is crazy. I know that what I’m talking about is crazy, and that I’m crazy for going on this manic, pie-in-the-sky romance rave about it. I know that it’s selfish to say this. It’s selfish because to believe in the kind of serendipity I’m talking about, that movies can happen in real-life essentially, is to be deeply self-involved in it’s own tiny little way. But it also is what made me stand out there all night shivering and not feeling my hands while the sky slowly lightened.

So, to the Bwog Staff, is there any way that you could put this up in the hopes that she might see it?

And, to Kristine, I will be sitting on the step in front of Alma at noon on Tuesday. If you see this, and if you change your mind, you’ll know where to find me. And just fair warning, if you do show, we’re doing a dramatic Notebook in the rain style first kiss. I’m not kidding around. Don’t come if you’re not up for that. I’ll be sad but understand if you don’t. Still, I hope you do.


TL; DR: Robert goes to 1020 and drinks coconut water because he wants to be around people, inviting two girls, both named Kristine, into an open booth. Falls in love with one Kristine because she knows who DFW is and she looks like Emma Watson. The girls leave to meet their friends, and he sticks around. When they leave, he follows and tells one Kristine he’ll wait at Alma till dawn. Does so. Listens to “This is Water.” Pees into his coconut water bottle. She doesn’t show.

Update: She also didn’t show on Tuesday.

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  1. Michael

    My name isn't Robert and hers isn't Kristine. Mine is Michael. I will be waiting on the steps at noon though, just like I said.

    I'm not asking for the world here, just whether you'd like to go for a walk with me.


    • Anonymous  

      What's her name? She sounds hot.

    • Anonymous

      OMG! lolz. you're "red umbrella" Michael? This is creepy/confusing?

    • Michael

      This seems to have really polarized people. That's very good I think. Thanks again to Bwog for being so accommodating and sorry again about the length.

    • Cole  

      calm down there casanova, i'm pretty sure you've sufficiently creeped her out past the point of returnjavascript:Recaptcha.reload();

      • Michael  

        This'll be my last comment here and I want to keep it brief because (a) 3500 words seems plenty self-indulgent enough, and (b) it feels unforgivably narcissistic to even be here, reading the comments. But, there are a few points that seem to've come up a lot that I'd like to (briefly) address:

        (1) For those of you offended by the creepiness, I'm sorry and I'm not. I was trying to push buttons, I admit it, and even though the responses seem polarized, both kinds seem very strong, which makes me happy.

        (2) Re my mental health/people worrying; please don't! I wrote this mostly to write it, and I really don't want you to worry.

        (3) Re the bad grammar; I know, and I'm very sorry. I should have proofed this after writing it fast and furious, but I didn't. I counted seven on the one reread I did, but there're probably more. Again, sorry.

        (4) Re the DFW (RIP) obsessiveness; your accusations are warranted. It's not really my fault though, I just read IJ for the first time this semester.

        (5) Re last paragraph and creepiness thereof; I totally agree. Adding that was the minor edit referred to in the title. I immediately regretted it after sending. Trying to be funny, but I guess the joke fell flat. Oh well, no one bats .1.

        (6) Re Tuesday/if I'm serious. Yes, totally! I'm currently reckoning odds of her showing up around the 20-30% mark, which is pretty good! If she doesn't that's ok (again, hope that relaxes you mental-health worriers). If that's what happens I'm going to eat a strong brownie, get on my train home and break out Anna K. I'm going to be just fine. If she does shoe, I'm probably going to kiss her and then ask her to go for a walk.

        Okay, that covers it! Thanks again for reading guys. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.


        • Anonymous  

          Get that brownie ready

        • Umm

          Trains and Anna Karenina do not go well together. #spoiler

        • Anonymous  

          > I'm currently reckoning odds of her showing up around the 20-30% mark, which is pretty good!
          Yeah, I'm going to have to take the under on this bet.

        • Heartbroken  

          Are you in PrezBo's class?

        • C, not Kristine  

          Hi Michael,

          I think I might be Kristine. But, I can’t be sure.
          I could ask you this directly (as it seems that you sent me a Facebook message and friend request the other day), but I thought I might offer my own contribution now that Bwog is involved and there is a potential stake out at Low. Hopefully you can confirm if I am or am not Kristine.
          I met a Michael this past Friday at 1020. You were bad with names- you asked me mine three times. We talked about DFW. You recited Hamlet’s soliloquy. I speak French. You were drinking coconut water. We talked about celebrities, social media, and archiving Tweets. You told me that this was the craziest day of your life because you had somehow ended up talking to me (actually a wonderful line). You asked for my phone number as we set to part ways, but then I left with my formidably sized, blond, crew cut boyfriend (who was wearing a shirt and tie, not a sweater).

          And that is where the similarities stop.

          On one hand I would like to believe that I (maybe) was the source of inspiration for some details of a creative writing piece. Another part of me wants to think that I am in no way involved in this- that you went to 1020 on Saturday and this fantastical, neurotic scenario did in fact unfold as you have described. And, finally, I see this as possibly being a composite piece- with lamentations about that Friday night of things left unsaid, actions undone and unfulfilled desires all elaborately interposed with past rejections and fictitious events.

          Of course, no one ever expects the author to reveal his true motivations. However, it would be nice to have my status as Kristine confirmed (my roommates have already taken to calling me “Kristine on the right”). If I am indeed Kristine then I am flattered to have served as a source of inspiration for this piece.

          Lastly, I am not available at noon tomorrow (I have my internship from 9-6). This makes me unavailable for any dramatic Hollywood kiss reenactments (also, still have that boyfriend, who is a wonderful conversationalist himself), walks in the park, coffee dates, book readings, kite flying, bike riding, mud wrestling, etc. So, please, don’t commit to another block of hours on the steps. And, please, don’t pee in any more coconut water bottles.

    • Dude


      I have to commend you for a couple of things. You saw what you wanted and you went for it. You didn't give a shit about what other people think about you, and you're not scared of making an ass of yourself for what you want. And you're a risk taker, which I really respect. And you're not afraid of rejection or getting hurt. These are leadership qualities.

      The only problem with your entire situation is your game. It's like a game of Texas Holdem. If you've got a Royal Flush in the first round, what do you do, do you put all your chips in on the first bet? No, that's just going to scare everyone away. You coax them into it. You give your opponent reason to believe that they could win, and then you bet big in the last round.

      You went all-in in the first round. Doing what you did is just too intense for most people, especially college students. They don't know how to manage it, and frankly you probably didn't know how to manage yourself with the finesse you needed.

      Next time, enjoy the conversation, and leave. Doing things the way you did might work a little better in the real world, where you don't know if you're going to meet the person again in the future. She might be able to manage you a bit better, let your down easy if she's not interested, block against anything you throw at her that she doesn't like. You'd also probably know when to be aggressive, what gestures are appropriate and attractive, what emotions you choose to commoditize and hand over to her, and when you should hand them over. But when you're in college, take your time man. Unless you've got about 2 months left of school, you're going to bump into her again at some point. Some of us are willing to take risks, aren't scared of getting hurt, and willing to put our hearts out there. But a lot of people, especially colleges students, who are still unsure of themselves and their surrounds, won't see eye to eye with guys like us. They're not willing to take the same risks as we are. But you can't really blame them. So you're better off staying on the safe side. Trust me, in college it's all about patience. It may even take years for something to cultivate, but it'll be better than going all-in in the first round and then blowing it.

      But you sound like a good guy. I don't think you were trying to rape anyone or disrespect anybody's boundaries. You didn't subject anyone to anything that was going to harm them or damage them. I think at worse you've just been teetering on the line between charming persistence and creepy. But only because you've got a little more learning to do when it comes to what chicks want.

      And don't forget to always check for a boyfriend. They will NEVER tell you unless they have to.

  2. :)

    Oh my god, this is so sweet...(and also a little bit creepy). Sigh.

  3. Taylor Swift  

    so romantic. even I couldn't write a song so profound.

  4. Anonymous  

    the last paragraph made it creepy

  5. CC'14  

    This was fantastic.

  6. damn

    as much as i want to believe in this, it just reads as creepy or depressing. i hope it's real though. i hope it works.

  7. SoA

    As someone whose friends with a close friend of Dave, I don't think Dave would have liked his name being used in this story.

    Also totally going to the Steps on Tuesday to witness this either weirdly romantic or tragically pathetic event.

  8. well...  

    "I told her that if she didn’t believe that, she was being arrogant. "

    Oh yeah, he sounds like a real keeper. Girls love being told that they're arrogant. Too bad she missed out on that fine specimen.

  9. Anonymous  

    >She got back about five minutes later and told me that the Kristine’s looked engrossed in conversation >the Kristine's >stopped reading immediately

  10. Kristine A.K.A. Emma Watson  

    Well this is awkward....

  11. anon  

    hey, i just met you, this is crazy...
    so i peed in a bottle, meet me at alma maybe

  12. This is

    the apotheosis of Columbia neurosis. The great experiment is over. Everyone can return to their hometowns now. We have literally created the most neurotic story in human kind.

    • Anonymous  

      3,427 words. Dear fucking God. I want to say that the one good thing coming out of this story is that it gives hope to people who aren't this far gone.

    • dfw

      christ almighty, but there's some columbia arrogance for you. most neurotic story in the history of mankind? not even close. here's some more columbia arrogance. you clearly haven't been doing the Core reading. I am therefore better than you.

  13. Proof that...  

    ....English majors have too much damn free time.

  14. ugh

    Well, don't you sound proper patronizing, lol.

  15. jarkko  

    The crazy thing about this (well, *one* of the crazy things about this) is the extent to which the letter-writer perceives his own life as operatic or cinematic or whatever. (Naturally, his adored avatar is David Foster Wallace, a talented essayist whose good work has been forever recast by his suicide. "This Is Water" is treacly crap. And Robert paces to the audiobook, like it's the fucking Bhagavad Gita! My god! "Tense Present," now that's the real shit.) Dude, your life is your real life! Live it! Don't watch it and then write about it.

  16. Anonymous  

    On one hand this reads a little sweet, but there's a disturbing degree of mixed/misinterpreted signals going on here. It's one thing to feel attracted to someone, to want to get to know them -- it's another to ignore the way they respond to you in turn. It seems fairly clear to me that this girl wasn't interested and even perhaps actively avoiding this guy after their conversation. He made her an offer, she didn't show; he tried to talk to her again, she ignored him. I'd like to believe in "love at first sight" as much as the next person, but there's nothing romantic about ignoring someone's desires and mapping some Audrey Hepburn/Emma Watson ideal onto them.

    Also, sorry, but there's no reason to pee outdoors.

  17. Why would this kid  

    ever admit to peeing in a water bottle...twice? Like yeah I'm sure that she'll read this, and be sure think to herself that the author is emotionally and mentally stable after A) waiting 5 hours for her in the cold after she made it pretty clear that she wouldn't be meeting him at the steps and B) wanting her to come back so badly that he peed in a water bottle waiting for her...twice.

    • Anonymous  

      it's also hilarious to keep in mind the fact that he peed into it multiple times. meaning he was standing on the steps for hours holding a bottle of piss and trying to conserve space so that it wouldn't overflow by sunrise.

    • also  

      i get why he was worried she would come while he was away peeing. But what if she had arrived while he was peeing into a bottle?

  18. this guy  

    sounds SO insufferable.

  19. also  

    guys who love emma watson are really boring because emma watson is boring. not getting the appeal.

  20. Anonymous  

    This is very sweet. I hope for humanity's sake that she turns up. Guy really went out on a limb. The fact that he posted this proves he's much less concerned with his reputation than he is with finding a girl he believes he's in love with. And if he says he's in love, who is anyone to tell him he's not? God speed man. God speed.

  21. H5E  


  22. Anonymous  

    strange spelling of "christine" to pick for a stock girl's name...also, why not just give the two girls two different names?

  23. We need  

    A dramatic reading of this bwog, right now, please. I was on the floor rolling in laugher.

  24. Anonymous  

    it would be hilarious if she had showed up at 6:35

  25. Flaxo

    I know this girl, she has psych at 12 on Tuesdays. sorry bro

  26. Anonymous  

    Yet I doubt anyone would give a shit if somebody referred to the fucking Bible.

    • Anonymous

      Doesn't change the fact that it's still not nice?

    • for equality's sake

      please don't refer to the bible as 'fucking'. It's a religious book and some find it offensive.
      For that matter, please don't refer to any religion's holy text as 'fucking'. It doesn't make grammatical sense and just makes you sound like an intolerant asshole.
      Christians are people too and while it is problematic that often they are the dominant voice heard in society over other religions, reasonably speaking if you would like to foster an environment of tolerance and respect towards your religion it's necessary to be tolerant of ALL religions.

  27. Anonymous  

    3442 words of emotional maturity and realistic expectations.

  28. 500 Days of Summer  


  29. Anonymous  

    This was fun to read. Even though it's sweet, I would not meet up with a guy who wrote such an obsessive and long email about me.

  30. Believer  

    It's so good to hear things like these dark days! God really wants these two to get married! I do believe in love at first sight. If this girl has any hard, she'll drop all of her things and elope with this eloquent and virile young man. If she doesn't, well then may God have pity on her arrogant soul.

  31. Anonymous

    someone get this dude a fleshlight

  32. Kristine Wannabe

    you best believe i'm going to dress in drag and meet this stud for a good slurpin' on tuesday afternoon ;)

  33. Barnard '16

    omg..... omg... i was so drunk last night and remember talking to some creepy dude wanting to follow me and my friend to the heights.........................

  34. usher

    ima write a song bout diz

  35. NYPD

    11/18/12 11:07pm

    Rape and murder reported on Butler steps of Columbia University.

  36. the other kristine


  37. Anonymous  

    "But I told her that I also felt like maybe, possibly, was just this infinitesmal little possibility that this really is what we think it is but can’t say out loud because it’s crazy and would sound insane. I told her that if she didn’t believe that, she was being arrogant."

    A number of issues here. Who's "we"? When did she ever agree, indicate, or even hint at the fact that she felt the same way? Also, this statement is completely counterintuitive. If anything you're the arrogant, even sexist, one for assuming that any female you encounter must submit to some delusional proclamation of so-called love for her because of her resemblance to Emma Watson. And I write this as another guy, so don't anybody give me any bullshit comments about being overly feminist.

    • Anonymous  

      Oh give him a break. The guy isn't a sexist, he just had one of those crazy nights where the stars align in a certain way and you end up doing something completely irrational. We all get pretty stressed at this school. Sometimes people gonna act out you know?

      Whether this is real or not, whether the guy is creepy or romantic, I'm still gonna be there on Tuesday just in case.

      • Anonymous  

        I'm not saying he's "a sexist," I'm saying his attitude towards her is both arrogant and even sexist. Yeah, I myself even have sympathy for the guy. I've also had a big crush on Emma Watson since 3rd grade. I also have fallen in love with girls at first sight and had unrealistic expectations about girls that I like. But the way he described things, and the ideas that his actions evoke, are problematic. And don't worry, I'll be there too.

    • millie

      no such thing as overly feminist

  38. Anonymous  

    Kristine- for the sake of all of us men who have overcome their delusions of grandeur with regard to womenkind and accepted that reality does not coincide with our romantic fantasies, please do not meet with this creeper.

    Creeper- You were drinking coconut water at 1020 and as self-described, "people-watching." What were you expecting? No matter how much of a pity party your story will no doubt inspire, that's what it is, a pity party. No girl will fall in love with you out of pity. You've spent too much time in your head and tragically misinterpreted the FUCK out of David Foster Wallace.

  39. Anonymous

    my facial expressions as i read through this, in chronological order:" rel="nofollow">" rel="nofollow">" rel="nofollow">" rel="nofollow">

    and, after reading the last paragraph" rel="nofollow">

  40. SEAS'13  

    Ok, who's in charge of bringing the popcorn on tuesday?

  41. I think  

    This is a prank/troll....

  42. Anonymous  

    I don't think you fell in love with her, it sounds more like your limited interaction with girls made you put her on a pedestal. Make some friends, go to 1020 WITH them, and for god's sake take advantage of the $3 Yuengling drafts. I assure you that you will have a better time.

  43. This feels like How I Met Your Mother Fanfiction  

    Did you steal her a blue french horn?

  44. Maddie, one of 1020's bartenders  

    I am in love with her. She poured me a shot of whiskey and as I drank, I felt my chest getting warm — that's when I knew.

  45. A.  

    run from the crazy, kristine, as fast as you can. i suggest being in a diff borough on tuesday.

  46. Anonymous  

    Let's see Spec act on a tip like THAT #specsucks

  47. Anonymous  

    Let's be honest, the amazing/creepy scale depends on how cute he is.

  48. Anonymous

    This is one of the most entertaining things I have ever read on Bwog. I don't know that things are necessarily going to work out (especially considering the whole peeing in a bottle on Low Steps twice, that was REALLY weird) but I truly respect your bravery, and thank you for the engaging story

  49. Anonymous  

    Awkward that Bwog's funniest post in a while and they didn't even write it/it's supposed to be serious

  50. BC13

    I've gone to Barnard for four years and THIS is the creepiest thing I have ever heard.

  51. I have a moral responsibility

    to tell you, Robert/Michael, that if this is not a joke but actually serious, you should consider talking to somebody. Please, if you begin to feel depressed or have suicidal thoughts or feel like you can't get your mind off this girl, it's better to let someone else know what you're going through.

    I know that a public forum like bwog is quite often neither a kind nor understanding place, and I can only imagine what all of these (somewhat accurate, albeit extremely blunt and tasteless) comments/insults are doing to you on top of your already low spirits following Kristine's failure to show at Alma.

    If she doesn't show up, please try to remember that people are free to do as they please, and although we may experience very strong emotions about an event or a person sometimes the best way to love another person is to let them go.

    It's quite impossible to understand tone in an email or anonymous comment, so please know that I mean all of this very sincerely.

    Nightline: 212-852-7777, Columbia Counseling services: 212-854-2878/212-854-9797

    I wish you all the best Robert/Michael.

    • Anonymous  

      bwog is it possible for you to forward this message to robert/michael? or at least favorite it- it's one of the most important ones on here

      • Michael

        Not necessary, I just saw it. I really do appreciate your concern though! I realize this is very long and rambly, and I realize what that makes it sound like, but my intention really wasn't to worry you/anyone. I just think most people are very cynical most of the time and wanted to give a (maybe) counter-argument. Seriously though, thank you for the worry. Most people don't have the time or inclination to spend that much on a stranger.

    • Michael

      Also, this:

      "The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature." -Henry Miller


    But why coconut water? There are so many other soft drinks out there you can spoil yourself with on a Saturday night.

  53. BC '13

    as a girl who has been in this type of situation before (minus the love, perhaps, and the coconut water, and the hugely long post on bwog), i feel terrible for kristine. this is fucking creepy. also i love david foster wallace so get the fuck away from him

    • Anonymous  

      pshhh, a Columbia guy falling for you is why we should pity you? Please, if anything you should be thankful that someone who will actually amount something showed interest in you. Lord knows that all you barnard things are useless. arrogant virago

      • Anonymous  

        Banard women don't do anything with their lives? What about Katherine Boo, who just won the National Book Award? Evelyn Hu, a professor of physics at Harvard who's done pioneering work in nanotechnology? Jeane Kirkpatrick, the first woman to serve as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Twyla Tharp? Janna Levin? Anna Quindlen? Edwidge Danticat?
        And don't tell me there aren't plenty of Columbia men who've ended up just boasting about their pedigree for the rest of their lives.

  54. Polina  

    I couldn't help but marvel about how insensitive people can be. How many hours have all of you guys spent Facebook-stalking your crushes? Or just thinking about them? Maybe Michael just decided to do something spontaneous and crazy and romantic. I believe in that kind of love and it is sad that you are all way too cynical to think that this type of fatal attraction is possible. Has "Romeo and Juliette", "The Great Gatsby" or "Anna Karenina" taught you nothing?

    And to Michael, even if that girl doesn't show up, please don't give up on love, you just picked the wrong girl this time.

    • anon  

      "Has "Romeo and Juliette", "The Great Gatsby" or "Anna Karenina" taught you nothing?"

      I think these have taught us that when a guy becomes overly obsessed with what he sees as his transcendent and timeless love for you, you GETDAFUQAWAY before the body count starts racking up

      • Polina  

        @anon: what I was referring to is the intensity of feeling, which everybody seems to pass off for craziness or drunkenness. I'm not saying that it's a good sort of feeling,as I haven't experienced it but I'm just saying that Michael does not deserve to be mocked

        • anon  

          Okay, but it's just hilarious (and ironic) to try and legitimize this guy's feelings with a reference to three fictional stories, two of which actually undermine the idea of intense love. There's no real love between Daisy and Gatsby, or (arguably) between Anna and Vronsky, only illusions of love that spiral tragically out of hand exactly because of the characters' deluded detachment from reality in the first place. So your analogy is apt, but not in the sense you intend.

  55. What ever happened... just asking a girl for her number?

  56. The Phantom of the Opera  

    Say you'll share with me, one love, one lifetime/
    Lead me, save me, from my solitude./
    Say you want me here beside you/
    Anywhere you go, let me come too/
    Kristine, that's all I ask of you...

  57. The Phantom of the Opera  

    Say you'll share with me, one love, one lifetime/
    Lead me, save me, from my solitude/
    Say you want me here beside you/
    Anywhere you go let me come too/
    Kristine, that's all I ask of you...

  58. interesting question though  

    would people be calling this crazy if it were the exact same story but the genders were reversed?

    • Yes

      Yes, if the genders were reversed people would be calling this crazy. People would be tearing into her for having an insane romantic idealized version of a guy who clearly was not even into her, built off of him looking like a favorite fictional character and having similar taste in popular culture.

      They would be cracking jokes about how he should just sleep with her, because she'll clearly put out; but maybe not, because she'll get too clingy.

      People would be calling her a psycho bitch for waiting in the cold for hours and no one would be calling it "cute" or "romantic" but "desperate" and "crazy".

      Also, people would probably be going crazy making Barnard jokes.

  59. CC'13  

    This poor girl dropped some pretty fucking obvious hints that she wasn't interested, and he stares at her across the bar and waits for her for five hours in the cold? That's borderline stalker behavior.

    The fact that ANYONE would ever think this is "cute" is proof that we live in a rape culture. A man experiences what he calls "love at first sight" and writes a fucking thesis about a girl he barely knows that showed little to no interest in him, waits for her in the cold for five hours, and we tell him that it's romantic? Give me a fucking break. If I were that poor girl I'd be terrified of running into him for the rest of my days at Columbia because this creep clearly doesn't know how to take even the largest of hints.

    If this guy had actually been interested in getting to know this girl he could have JUST GIVEN HER HIS GODDAMN PHONE NUMBER AND WAITED TO SEE IF SHE'D CALL. None of this I'll-wait-for-you shit out The Notebook.

    The fact that 1) this was written in the first place and 2) everyone seems to think it's cute encapsulates everything that's wrong with Columbia: NOBODY HAS ANY FUCKING SOCIAL SKILLS.

    • You sir/madam,  

      should chill the fuck out. Clearly, if you read the comments, some people here are are adept socially and "everyone" definitely does not think it's cute. His story is indicative of rape culture? Nope, wrong. You just ardently believe that we live in a rape culture and saw this as one opportunity to espouse your view point. In any case, give the guy a break. He's deluded, sure, but he doesn't deserve the angry tirade that you felt the need to provide. Save your rape culture hypothesis for the appropriate time.

      Let us await Tuesday. It shall be a day of days.

      • CC'13  

        Nope, wrong. This guy thinks that this girl owes him something — a big "Notebook"-style kiss on the steps in front of everyone! — after he's subjected her to a three-thousand-word essay on how he's stalkerishly obsessed with her. That's evidence of rape culture. The fact that so many people think it's cute? Also evidence of rape culture.

        • You sir/madam,  

          I said he is deluded. I would go as far as to say that his attitude towards the situation is sexist, which I believe the points you are making (about him) prove. So we don't entirely disagree. I think your claims of rape culture are unfounded though — the comments on Bwog hardly prove anything close to that. You went too far in unjustly condemning all of Columbia.

        • You sir/madam,  

          but the fiasco over Obama speaking at Barnard last year, that may be worth a rape culture discussion...

        • Anonymous  

          You ungrateful kunt. Rape is forcible penetration. Not love notes. I bet your a worthless barnard wench posing as a CC girl. Because CC girls actually have value and dont need to vault their self-worth by tearing down innocent men who express (misguided) interest in (OFTEN) useless girls

          • Anonymous  

            one of the most pathetic minds I have met here belonged to a CC girl. she asked me what "lo" meant the day before our spanish exam. no, seriously.

            Fuck off barnard, there are plenty of awesome ladies here.

    • Anonymous

      Every time you drop the word "rape" out of context like this, the person you're talking to thinks a little less of you.

      It doesn't add gravitas to the point you're making.

      It doesn't make us take you more seriously.

      It makes you look like an absolute moron, who very literally doesn't know the meaning of the words coming out of her mouth but simply dropping them around for the shock and awe.

      "He wants to go on a walk with her, RAPE CULTURE."

      Get a clue. You fucking idiot.

      • anon  

        For god's sake, perpetuating rape culture is not the same thing as being a rapist. It just means going along with certain norms and behavior in our culture that often enables some men, not all, to justify rape, or leads them to be aggressive towards their pursuit of a woman without considering their feelings or thoughts, which shares a similar mentality to rapists who dehumanize and objectify their victims. THAT's what he/she's talking about in regard to rape culture -- but I agree that this would fall under the general umbrella of sexism.

        • Agree.  

          There are different levels of rape culture:

          When I used to say, "I raped that exam," I was promoting rape culture, though I would never rape someone. When I used to cast down a judgmental eye on girls going out in short dresses and saying out loud, "They're looking for trouble," that was also me promoting rape culture, even if I was only talking about other people harassing them, not myself.

          Saying something that promotes it doesn't mean you're a rapist. But it's still something we need to call out publicly, or these behaviors illustrated here---coming on to the girl when she was clearly not into him, the use of "we" though clearly he's just talking about himself and there's no we, the fact that he REALIZED there was a look of "vague discomfort" on one of the girls' faces and he still doesn't back off---or else we face giving the impression to other readers that this is okay, to approach someone after all signals point to "I'm not interested."

          On the other hand, I do wish some of the comments would be less mocking. Yes, he should be called out, but being mean and abrasive is not going to get the message across to him. It's only going to alienate him even more, and give him something to reinforce his idea that he's the poor, pitiable good guy and other people are assholes who are dissing him for having "courage." I really hope he gets a specialist who can help him. I'm going to be the idealist who thinks that, maybe if someone knew how to point out to him how problematic it was, he'd work on it.

      • CC'13  

        Actually, you look like a moron because you couldn't take two fucking seconds to Google "rape culture" since you clearly don't even know what it is.

    • CC13 Feminist Activist  

      This is not rape culture. It is sexist, but not rape culture. This guy did not force himself on her, or suggest that he would (except in the last paragraph, which he took back, and seemed like obvious exaggeration regardless). He put all the power in *her* hands. Yes, it's pretty extreme for him to wait on Low Steps for 5 hours for her, and pee in a bottle twice in the meantime, but that just means that he's willing to hopelessly wait for her to come to him. Rape culture would be him calling her an arrogant bitch for not coming. He says that he'd be sad, but understand if she didn't come. Despite some lacking social skills, I think that indicates that his approach is tragically misguided, but ultimately harmless and quite far from a rape culture mindset, and honestly, not even that sexist. He doesn't know how to take a subtle hint all that well. That makes him awkward, not a perpetuator of rape culture and sexism.

    • Anonymous

      @CC'13: you're just pissed cus no one would ever rape

  60. anon  

    "When I was about eleven my father brought home a book for me from a business trip to England. He said all the kids there loved it."

    Dude, even if you're a senior right now, the first Harry Potter movie probably ALREADY CAME OUT, or was just coming out, by the time you were 11. Did your family lived fifty miles away from civilization?

    • grumpy old senior  

      nope, nope. im a senior in CC and i got my hands on the book when i was 11.

    • another cc senior  

      No, anon is right. Started reading them when I was 8. The fourth book had already been out for about two years when I was 11. The first movie came out when we were 11. You had to be pretty far removed from popular culture to not know what Harry Potter was until you were 11.

    • potterhead  

      you're supposed to read the books when you're the same age as harry. (the first one when you're eleven, the second when you're 12, etc.) JK Rowling designed them to become more complex/deal with more mature issues as they progressed. So Michael was doing it right. Stop hating.

      • anon  

        bullshit! I read the first one when I was 7 and I don't think it would have dramatically increased my understanding (or my reading comprehension) more than if I had waited til I was 11.

  61. Anonymous

    just fyi, nobody has been raped. this is fucking strange though...

  62. Eye of the Tiger

    don't worry brah, everyone knows its a numbers game at 1020

  63. SEAS '13  

    why do so many bwog commenters have to be so cruel??? It is like every post on this site is an opportunity for people to be the absolute meanest they can be! From calling the poor boy out on rape, to stalking, to whatever. We can all have our personal thoughts on whether his is really true love, or maybe if we know him or know Kristine. But it makes me so angry reading these comments, because the poor romantic guy was innocently hoping some girl would read this and think that it was cute, and take his last paragraph as tongue-in-cheek, not as rape or something. And if she didn't think it cute, nothing would come of it. Instead some people post rude comments that the entire school will see. Why be so rude? In public we would never talk this way to someones face. Idk. In the past, I've been attacked personally by comments on a bwog article, and it's not the most fun thing to read! Much better to be excited your best friend commented on your facebook wall post, than to read some random anonymous person tear you apart in front of the whole school. Even on posts about serious issues, there are so many nasty comments! I wish bwog had no comments, and people just read the posts, smiled, frowned, or moved on to looking at a different website.

    • CC '13  

      Nope. There are nasty comments on this because this behavior needs to be called out more often. This kind of stalking / harassment / disrespect is not OK.

      • SEAS '13  

        but publicly?
        Like the thing that made me think was that bwog did not publish this in its usual make-fun-of-overhearing-silly-things-people-say way. They posted it because of the heartfelt sentiment of the writer. And instead all this boy got was a post, that because of people's comments seems like bwog set him up for ridicule in front of the whole school. Can't we just respect this boy's feelings?

        • CC '13

          "Heartfelt sentiment" doesn't deserve to be respected if it's wrong. And I can't be the only one thinking that this kid must be pretty delighted by the response to his megalomaniacal fit—the whole thing reeks of some desperate attempt at a version of "celebrity."

          • arrogant bitch  

            Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

          • What are you doing  

            What you said is just mean

          • CC '13

            @arrogant bitch: That's one of the cleverest insults I've ever heard. Have an upvote.

          • from a cynic  

            I'm a cynic, but because of people like you I don't want to be. Why do you feel so strongly about condemning this guy who you don't even know? Give him some benefit of the doubt instead of calling him out as some attention-seeking, rape culture-perpetuating lunatic. What I've realized is that some people-- maybe not you or me-- actually do feel this strongly about people, and some people are driven by emotions more genuine than fame and lust. Maybe I'm not so much of a cynic after all.

          • CC '13

            @from a cynic: You're right; I'm jumping to conclusions about his intentions, perhaps unfairly. // I think I'd rather believe that the choice he claimed to make—to knowingly ignore someone's signals that he was crossing boundaries——and his rape culture-perpetuating *actions*were a result of a messed-up mindset or some grand scheme. I'm kind of afraid of what it means if that's not the case: that it's OK and to be expected that a normal person will ignore another person's opinion/consent/whatever if they're seized by strong emotion. Does that make a lick of sense?

  64. Oh Honey,

    I blame 'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER' for this shit.

    It's not "proof of Columbia's rape culture" like some micro-aggression-listing idiots on this board are saying.... but it is a whole lot less cute than I think intended.


  65. Anon

    To the guy, from a girl who has been on the receiving end of a situation like this one or two or three times too many... it's not true love, it's just f-king creepy, and you'll get over it.

  66. Dear Michael

    I know you must feel that feeling of "what if what I'm doing is the right thing, and everyone else is wrong", or that you're the only genuine one when everyone else is a slave to custom and unnecessary norm, but please, please, please have this as the take home point from this post:

    You're wrong.

    You're not funny. You're not a rapist. You're not crazy. You're not cute. You're not romantic. You're not serious. You're just wrong.

    It's almost 100% sure you've screwed things up with Kristine, but she probably didn't feel that chemistry to begin with, if your version of the story is true and those were her hints. Maybe (probably) it's the way you look, maybe it was your immediate assertiveness, maybe it was just the sheer uncomfort of the unexpected social situation, but you chose the wrong approach.

    Some of my friends/acquaintances are like you - they go for the immediately philosophical debate, or TED talk-like chit chat, or meaningless rhetoric regardless of what the other party in conversation wants. Your skills, your great philosophical/conversational skills are great, but they're not the norm, and you are misguided to think that they need to be respected as the norm. People will talk to you and cater to your style of discussion perhaps as a sort of curious or whimsy exercise, but a rare few will actually enjoy it as much as you enjoy it.

    My major happens to be Classics, and though I believe in it with all my life, you'd never see me pull up Iliad book VI in a discussion of college relationships or the like, as much as it may cross my mind. It's not becuase I'm ashamed, or because I think it's wrong to compare stuff to the ancients, but because I respect my conversation partner enough to let him/her work on a comfortable level. If they are someone who would, in fact, bring up the Iliad, it'll come naturally, don't worry. The good thing about Fate is that she happens of her own will, and if you try to meddle with it, it's no longer Fate.

    So what you need to do is simply tone it down. The girl/guy above me who mentioned your life as seeming cinematic to you might be right. Now THAT is something you need to work on professionally, with a therapist, as delusions of grandeur are always, always, always - delusions. And I'm sure you're the kind of guy who'd be OK with seeing a therapist, so it shouldn't be a problem to find someone who will work with you to make you realize that your cursus honorum doesn't have to be cinematic in order to be special; that love doesn't have to be Amelie-like to be real and that you can tell your life's stories without necessarily living them out as if their narrative quality is what counts most.

    Don't ignore Bwog comments. They're idiots who want to insult you and make fun of you, but that still doesn't mean that they're not fundamentally right about your approach being inappropriate. They just revel in being on the winning side of things, but I'm sure that if one of their best friends came home one night and told them this story, they'd be much more supportive and careful. Oh and yes, you're not a rapist. You might be a bit sexist, but you seem like someone who would work on that as soon as it was pointed out to him. You didn't make her do anything she didn't want to, but the amount of times you asked might have pressured her into doing stuff she wouldn't otherwise want to do. Thankfully, she is strong enough to say no, you just now need to be strong enough to respect that.

    Take care of yourself, don't hate anyone. Focus on your work, find your peace within you. If you need (or want!) someone to talk to, just shoot me an email at rr2722.

    And never, ever, ever talk about peeing in bottles online. Like, ever.

  67. Sondheim  

    All I could think of as I read this was Bernadette Peters singing: "you're so nice. you're not good, you're not bad, you're just nice. I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right."

  68. Yikes

    "I told her that if she didn’t believe that, she was being arrogant."

    ....It's nice to know we already have a shoe in for 'Most Likely To Sternly Grab His Wife By The Wrist At A Function' at the 2034 reunion.

  69. Anonymous

    I love Columbia!

  70. Anonymous  

    Who is bringing the spaghetti to the steps on Tuesday?

  71. Crocedile

    If I could save pee in a bottle,
    The first thing that I'd like to do...

  72. Anonymous  

    @Anonymous: I stopped reading at "misandrist"

  73. This

    is why I hate 1020. The people who go there are just... strange.

  74. An open note to "Robert"

    "Robert," aside from being an arrogant prick, you have many of the makings of future sex offender — creepy, obsessive, and self righteous. Since this sounds like it was your first time talking at length to a member of the opposite sex that's not your mother, I'll help you out, "Robert." It's actually pretty simple, "Robert." These girls felt bad for you, "Robert." They decided to be nice to you, "Robert." You mistook this a "sign" of interest, "Robert." That makes you a loser, "Robert," and from the tone of your letter, "Robert," you sound like you have always been a loser. It's fair to infer you clearly don't have many friends as most people who go out alone to "people watch" (creep) on a Saturday night don't. People just don't like you, "Robert." This might be because you are an arrogant bastard or because you just creep them out. Get it? That also might be the reason you were always picked last for every team sport in case you were wondering. My advice, get a therapist or don't. I really don't care; although, if you don't change course you probably won't be able to live within 100 yards of a school.

  75. Anonymous  

    This is some sort of ridiculously influenced J.D. Salinger and Perks of Being a Wallflower fiction, and even if you hadn't included such heavy-handed references to each, it would have still been transparent. I don't know how many of these events "actually happened" to have inspired this, but it's straight-up dishonest to be posting this up here to prod some sort of nonlinear, blindly controversial, and completely deconstructive conversation among the comments about the columbia dating scene, gender roles and rape (?).

    Bwog, you have maybe two commenters here that have said anything remotely thoughtful or credible. Commission these people to write a post for you and then you'd be contributing to an honest conversation about the real issues that this mess of fiction mocks. This is not reporting, this is a shameful waste of time. Take your planted typos and your contrived plot elsewhere.

    • Anonymous  

      As someone who knows Kristine pretty well, I can tell you that a good portion of it, particularly the sweeping, cinematic moments of desperate expression, are 100% made up. He never actually had the balls to call her "arrogant", they never said anything about "most deep and philosophical conversation", and let's face it, nobody is *that* into a speech that DFW gave like 8 years ago.
      This guy is, for lack of a better term, a complete megalomaniac, but what's scarier is what he represents for the larger male culture: what does it say that men actually believe, after being spoonfed movies like Garden State and Juno, that you've earned a girl just by being socially awkward and confrontational? Everyone saying how sweet he is needs to realize how little he actually cares about this girl. If he genuinely "wanted her to be happy", he might have hesitated a bit before publicly shining a 10 foot spotlight on her and musing about her interest in him. She's not a real person to him, she's just another actor in his little world.

  76. Anonymous

    look, we've all known what it feels like to be insecure or to be hung up on someone, and i'm sure many of us have done stalkerish things (Googling or Facebook-stalking, at the very least) when we've had a crush, especially an unrequited one.

    that said, that he shared this stalkerishness openly/without shame, not to mention the fact that he was this obsessed, is slightly fanatical so i'm surprised bwog didn't consider the ethics of posting this re: the mental health of kristine (who surely knows who she is)

  77. This Isn't Okay  

    Okay, so I think everyone who is getting super offended by people pointing out that this is indicative of rape culture don't really understand what's being referred to when previous commenters point to 'rape culture'.

    They're not saying that this guy is a rapist, and they're not saying any of this is akin to rape. However, the fact that everyone is saying "aww why are you so mean to this guy" points out a gross paradox that people (especially women) are subject to. Because Kristine didn't meet this guy at Alma, people view it at least somewhat as a cruel rejection of awkward/innocent interest. However, if Kristine did meet him at Alma Mater and he ended up assaulting her, everyone would question why she didn't know better because he was so clearly a creepy rapist. It's a culture where shutting down creepers makes you a heartless bitch, but if you don't shut them down the world views you as somewhat responsible if those same creepy guys violate your boundaries.

  78. shrinking violet  

    I know right, he's practically a genius.
    Look, Michael, a first I laughed at you sarcastically, then I began to feel sorry for you. Look,
    1. The best thing to do in the situation you found yourself in would have been to smile at both girls ( after you thought you fell in love), manufacture witty/charming conversation, try to get the kristine you like alone, ask her for her number, ( don't invade her person space), play it off as casual, smile and say, " cool, thanks."
    The world could be shaking under you and your heart could be quaking, never say that to a girl. Immediate creep box, because your obsessive "love" for her signals your lack of value, as in you are not cool, awesome or so on. Girls want high value boyfriends, if only to show off to the girl pack.
    2. Wait two days, then text her. How are you doing? Want to "grab coffee, get lunch,so on, so forth." Don't call it a date. stick to a few sentences, don't look too invested. Make her chase you.
    3. She will say yes or no. If she says yes, jackpot, go on the "non-date with her". Do not pay for her coffee or her meal unless she seems visually distressed that you won't. But you shouldn't expend money on a first date. If she says no, move on. She will probably not show up this tuesday. You need to look for other girls, there are plenty of them at Barnard. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Get one, date one, get some dating experience, so you don't idealize love so much.

    For what its worth, there are girl counterparts to you. I used to be like you. I had read so many love poems, I was secretly obsessed with true love. Any guy I liked was the subject of multiple poetry about his eyes, his hair, his nose, his smile. I especially wanted to kiss cheeks and touch hair. But then I wised up, realized love was just cold calculation, and that guys were all about beauty, shuttered my feelings off of guys I liked. Now if I like a guy, I immediately ignore him. There's just no point trying. But hey, I see you're not as deeply gone into cynicism as I am, so i wish you well. I know she will never answer your calls, never look at you the way you look at her, but, hey . good luck.

  79. seriously guys  

    who else wants to go see if she shows up at the steps tomorrow at noon!

  80. you  

    need a therapist too

  81. Jim Wendler

    This Robert character really needs a hobby other than reading. I suggest lifting weights. Find a plan, stick to it, eat above maintenance. Make some gains, pack on some mass, get some confidence.

    • Disciple of Wendler  

      ^Jim Wendler, I agree wholeheartedly.

      As for you OP, DYEL? Because your story reeks of being so far SOV that even a chode like me can barely see you down there. I used to be like you, OP. Then I discovered Wendler's 5/3/1 Powerlifting Routine. Just last week my girlfriend broke up with me (some bullshit about spending more time looking at my own body than I did hers). Before I started lifting, I would've been crushed. But what Wendler taught me is that being able to pick up 375 pounds and put it down three times is much more important that what some jealous sloot thinks about me.

      Forever bulking,
      Disciple of Wendler

      • @Disciple of Wendler: Glad you agree brother. Remember guys, death is winning, do something.

        Some strong advice from Wendler: "Don't be so anxious and don't worry. There are going to be a lot of times where you're going to feel helpless, powerless, and the future seems hopeless. Remember how we talked about The Process? Just focus on doing the Right Things the Correct Way.

        People get too wrapped up in the goal and not the events that need to happen to reach that goal. The goal seems so big, so far away. And they get frustrated. And they quit.

        You do not quit. You never have. Mom and Dad made sure you didn't quit. This will serve you well in all areas of life.

        Read more. Write more. Train more. Keep your head down and don't worry that your bank account is empty. Don't worry that you don't have a car or a computer – you can write on scrap papers found in the recycling bins in college hallways. The important thing is to write and read and train.

        When you write, your thoughts become alive and take form. They become real. You know why no one writes the Great American Novel? Because they're too scared to put pen to paper.

        When you read, your mind expands. Your dreams become bigger and your words become more colorful.

        When you train, your body becomes taut and hard. And when you train hard, your mind must overcome the physical pain to overcome and move on.

        All these things go hand in hand. Never stop creating, moving forward, and kicking ass. Discard the negative and trust your heart.

        And most of all, don't get married. At least not the first time."

        Robert clearly reads and writes but does he train???

        Rather than mind-fucking himself with abstract advice from a hipster author, he should be following practical advice from someone who is strong than 99.9% of America.

  82. Truth  

    This kid sounds like a hound-dog. You just need to get your nut.

    Kudos to persisting tho

  83. LaLa  

    3500 words?! I'll help you find her if you write my essay for me;D

  84. Alumnus

    Man this was a scary read.

    Here is the telling sentence: "People think people at bars alone are drunkards or else creeps and rapists."

    Robert, if you are reading this. You were being a creep. Sure, we've all tried to get the attention of that girl, but you missed about 8 pretty obvious hints. She's just not that interested.

  85. Kristine

    This is Kristine.
    I cannot make it at noon on Tuesday but how is midnight?

  86. Anonymous

    Bwog, why would you publish this? Will you do anything for precious page views?

  87. AK  

    Does no-one find it creepy at all that this guy is a PROFESSOR (of architecture no less) who is so batshit insane that he actually walked into my economics lecture at one point and just talked for a straight half hour?

  88. Priceless  

    Coconut water: $5.00
    Two beers: $8.00

    The fact that people like this exist: Priceless.

    There are some things that money can buy, but for people like this, there's Columbia.

  89. Big J  

    Is there a spark note for this?

  90. CC '15  

    Leave it to Columbia students to bring Barnard into this.

  91. CC '15  

    Leave it to bwog commenters to bring Barnard students into this.

  92. Anonymous  

    If this guy is really into Kristine (on the right), he's a fucking genius. Well played sir.

  93. vapnik

    went for the wrong kristine bro.

  94. Bear '13

    Can we please get the Kristines' perspective? AMA style? If you guys are reading this- I just think that would be *so* awesome.

  95. Anonymous  


  96. Emma Watson

    Dear Roberts and Michaels of the CU community,

    Thank you for providing us with this educational opportunity, teach us how to think about rape culture. (If you get to apologize for being wordy and desperate, allow me to apologize for the following harshness): this is not okay. Actually, let me direct my anger where it belongs most. Bwog, this post was out of bounds. Maybe you consider humoring desperate and misguided people fun, but I hope it’s something you never do again; even without the letter’s offensive content, there are no circumstances under which matchmaking counts as acceptable journalism.

    Back to Robert/Michael/[insert real name here], I take it you’re into DFW. Cool. I have a suggestion for you. Before you read IJ for a second (?!) time, please revisit Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. Please understand, I am not calling you a hideous man. All I’m asking is for you to realize that the men in that book are. Why? Not simply because they’re in love, hopelessly or otherwise, and not simply because their insecurities manifest themselves in distasteful or uncomfortable behavior. It’s because on top of all that, they have the nerve to ask for special treatment. They volunteer to be interviewed, effectively and ask for our pity, not unlike how you’ve plastered your hormones here on Bwog.
    There’s a time and place for making your feelings known, whether they be of the hearts-and-flowers variety, or the indignant-feminist letting off, I’ll admit, perhaps too much steam. But just ask yourself – do you want her? Or do you want what you’ve gotten: a volley of “Oh-he’s-so-sweets,” that, perhaps you imagine, by virtue of their anonymity, may as well represent the collective female unconscious?

    It comes down to this: do you really want this woman to see you this shameless, when she’s already declined your first advances? If the answer is yes, you’re in for a rude awakening. Because I have news for you, loverboy. Your little stunt? Little more than aggression dolled up in the trappings of sensitivity. As it turns out, we’re all vulnerable, and never more so than when we’re as smitten as you. But we can choose not to be hideous in the ways that count.

    A woman resembling Emma Watson… who’s counting on you to change

  97. jim  

    Let's be real... the guy that wrote this overly exaggerated article is just pissed he couldn't talk to these girls

  98. This is in some ways like my story.  

    Once I fell in this sort of love with someone, whose name is actually pretty close to Kristine. They gave a lot more signs of reciprocating than this Kristine did to Robert/Michael (for instance, actually kissing me), but still were, you know, just not that into me. I crossed a lot of lines looking for love back. I'm sorry for that, Kristine. I actually have no idea how I was so delusional. Waiting for your love ate me up inside and catalyzed a pretty serious depression (which completely panned out and is now resurfacing as something equally terrible but somehow unrecognizable, because that's how depression works I guess, but I'm a lot less like Holden Caulfield these days.)

    Years later I found a new Kristine. We went for a walk all night. When we wanted to go see a movie but realized no theatres were open, Kristine changed plans to stay with me through the next day to go see a matinee. We've been dating for eight months now.

    This could happen to you, Robert/Michael, or to any of you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to throw away those moments of passion and shortsightedness and awe in order to be aware of the other person's feelings.

  99. Michael 2.0  


    I know it's been a while since we broke up, but I still believe in us and I know you do too. Don't let the other Michael take you away. Meet me at 11:55 in JJ Lounge. I too think you look like Emma Watson.

    You are my who what when where why.

  100. @Michael: @Anonymous: You come across as a delusional, passive aggressive (occasionally just straight up aggressive) narcissist, so I'm not fearing the repercussions for you of any mental illness you may or may not have. It's the people around you that should be wary.

  101. ATTN: Varsity Show Writers  

    you have found your protagonists.

  102. BC '14  

    Someone needs to get this boy a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You".

  103. soooo  

    what ended up happening?

  104. Hopeless Romantic

    This is SOO ROMANTIC!! Just when I thought love didn't exist at Columbia, you proved me wrong Michael! I believe in fairytale love stories, and I'm so glad you do too! I hope she shows up!!!

  105. Anonymous  

    Gokkun is so amazing! Yum!

  106. Anonymous  

    stfu freshman

  107. Elizabeth  

    Dear Michael.
    Good job for trying to shoot the Lion.

  108. psketti


  109. Person  

    Creepiness is not the same as rape.

  110. I'm critical  


  111. What are you doing  

    No, I have friends that where rapes, friends that are on the receiving and of scary cat calls. I would carry a gun if I where a women these days. Now stop harassing people on bwog, please, what makes this school amazing is that we love and support people and people who don't do this are kick the fuck out. I'll be amazing at how many of your female friends got raped. I personally know 5 very good friends who got raped, this shit happens alot.

  112. normal girl who appreciates real men  


  113. normal girl who appreciates real men  

    (this was menat to be in response to anonymous up there who likes to lure girls in with his wealth to cum on them)

  114. CC '13  

    jesus christ read a fucking book

  115. CC '13  

    get it together, captcha. that was meant for "What are you doing"

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