Once again, Bwog’s here to give you our world-renown relationship advice. Your friendly neighborhood Alexandra Svokos tackles this one. If you need advice, email email@example.com or use our anonymous tip form, as this tipster did.
I need some help over here. I think I have feelings for my best friend. I’m actually really stressed about it and I have no idea what to do. Here’s how I look at it: if I say something, I might ruin our friendship (which would be really shitty) because what if he doesn’t feel the same thing? In which case I would just look super dumb and then hanging out would be the most awkward thing in the entire world. And even if he does feel the same thing, I’ll probably still lose him in the long run (provided we run the course of a normal relationship). I realize that’s a super cynical way to look at it but I’m trying to be realistic before I possibly destroy our friendship.
Anyway, the only alternative is keeping quiet but Bwog, this is literally eating away at me. Okay, not literally (because ew), but you know what I mean. I can’t do this anymore and I see him all the time and it’s at the point that it’s giving me stomachaches. Lemme tell ya, stress stomachaches are a thing.
I have no idea what to do. Bwog please please please help me before I explode!
Stressed as Shit
Dear Stressed as Shit,
My darling, welcome to a situation we all must find ourselves in at least once in our young lives. Indeed, as When Harry Met Sally pounds into your damn brain, it is OH-SO-IMPOSSIBLE to be just friends with someone to whose gender you are attracted (which is utter, utter bullshit–there are deep, beautiful friendships to be found with someone who has the genitalia you tend towards. But that’s a rant for another day…).
Anyways, let’s get down to it. You’re in trouble–sounds like you’re in pretty deep here. Let’s start with your first fear: that this will ruin your friendship. However once you start feeling that being around this person in silent emotional need is literally causing physical pain, my dear, your friendship is already compromised. There is nothing worse than letting this sit and eat away at you, as you say, and as long as you let it sit and fester, it will only get harder to be around him. That’s not what a friendship is and is not what you should want in a friendship.
So I humbly request you put on a brave face and do what you can to indicate some more-than-friendship interest. I’m not telling you to get on your knees and present him a 9-page handwritten letter detailing your emotions. It doesn’t have to be big, and it doesn’t have to be straight “i <333 uuuuu plzzz <33 me bak.” Ask him out to coffee or dinner (not lunch and not Milanos pick-up!!!), go see a cute movie, take him somewhere as your guest, and see how he acts/reacts. Or go ahead and out-and-out tell him you’ve been feeling weird lately and it’s all his fault. Just don’t get drunk and hook up and never talk about it, k?
I understand the threat of lost “friendship” is terrifying, but you could have something so much better and that’s worth at least testing the waters. For what it’s worth, in my and my friends’ experience after something like this, if you are truly best friends, so long as neither of you jackass-edly hurts the other, you can and will bounce back. Hell, I’ve seen situations where Friend A tells Friend B they like them, Friend B says no, Friend A’s feelings slowly subside, and their friendship is stronger than it ever was before.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Sweetheart, there’s only so much you can take before your stomach explodes. You are driving yourself crazy here, and that’s a shit situation to be in. Get out of it. You know what to do. Trust.
That picture you look at and are like, wait, where is this exactly? via Shutterstock