Valentine’s Day approacheth! Today’s Columbians looking for love are Derek Kim, Eric Donahue, and Maria Cristina Nieves Gimenez de los Galanes Cavallo, who is famous for having the longest name in the history of names. If you want to take any one of these awesome humans on a date, email us and we’ll set it up (and give you ten whole dollars to take ‘em out). If you don’t, we still think you deserve a shot at love. Fill out our short questionnaire and send a picture to email@example.com and the face to the right could be yours.
Name, Year, School, Major: Derek Kim, 2016, CC, Economics
Preference: Guy for guy
Hometown: Ann Arbor, MI
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: “I don’t have an iPhone.”
What redeems you as a human being? I don’t eat other people’s snacks without asking, I am a very quiet pooper, and it only took me ~10 minutes to answer this question.
Library room of choice: I’m obsessed with the East Asian library. It’s unpopulated, wonderful lamp-side lighting, and it’s not Butler.
Beverage of choice: Almond milk served in a stolen John Jay glass
Guilty pleasure song: Pu$$y – Iggy Azalea
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? At Westside getting a salad
Historical Hottie: The young Josef Stalin. Those luscious locks.
Name, Year, School, Major: Maria C. N. G. de los G. C., CC ’14, Film Studies, Italian Literature, French and Romance Philology
Preference: Witty male of the French persuasion.
Hometown: NYC, Madrid, Scandiano, Jersey Shore.
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: A conversation without reference to the Core.
What redeems you as a human being?: I teleported to the modern age from the 1960s and I was a frequent flyer before I could walk.
Library room of choice: Periodicals, with a glorious view overlooking Low and the Cahiers du Cinéma nearby.
Beverage of choice: Fermenting grapes.
Guilty pleasure song: I don’t feel guilty about my pleasures. “Voulez-vous danser” is a classic.
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? Butler. Isn’t that where all the cool kids are hanging out these days?
Historical Hottie: Buster Keaton! What a dreamboat.
Name, Year, School, Major: Eric Donahue, CC ’15, American Studies or something
Preference: Guy for girl, I guess
Hometown: Does anyone really have a home? If so, Grayslake, IL
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: Necking, then they discover your malignant melanoma
What redeems you as a human being? One time I made eye contact with Kristen Stewart. I sensed a lot of darkness in her soul. Maybe someone should talk to her.
Library room of choice: Butler stairwell
Beverage of choice: Virgin Sex on the Beach
Guilty pleasure song: “Clair de Lune” by Debussy
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? The question is not where, but when.
Historical Hottie: Hamlet