You know you’ve been waiting for your second visit to the CAMPUS SEX CLUB

Bwog’s resident porn expert Busty Macmillions continues her analysis of Campus Sex Club, a soft-core porn novel set at Columbia in the ’60s and written by an alum. Read Part One. Trigger warning for dubious consent, misogyny, rape culture, etc.

When we last left our horny narrator, Jeff, his new friend Chuck the asshole Speccie had helped him finally get his cherry nibbled, and had also made him move to his own private sex dungeon off campus. Jeff is now looking forward to his date with the loose and large-breasted Marge.

Jeff suggests they see a boring art film but Marge is having none of it. She suggests they go to “The West Side,” which is a ’60s-fictional 1020 or West End, so they can just get drunk and fuck already. Marge orders a 75-cent drink. Jeff internally freaks out that “if she was in a thirsty mood she could wreck my budget,” which is a little hypocritical considering this whole book is about how Jeff is the thirstiest man alive. Marge tells Jeff she’s dodged Barnard’s 1:30 am curfew by applying for an overnight pass. Jeff thinks, “either she thought I was a fool, or she had as much as invited me to make a heavy pass at her.” Jeff is a little slow on the uptake.

Back at Jeff’s place, they listen to a whole record of Bach before Jeff makes a move. The author does not reveal Marge’s thoughts to us but I imagine they are something like “OMG this is not the kind of virtuosic organ-playing I was looking forward to.” Finally Jeff decides she’s drunk enough that he can start tickling her ivories. He is confronted by the hard truth that women with huge knockers don’t really go braless if they can avoid it. It’s a big disappointment for Jeff, but he keeps going. He gets her bra off and finds that her nipples are “hard as a rock.” Jeff thinks “that it was a cruel trick of fate to attach such awesomely beautiful boobs to such an ordinary face. Perhaps that explained much of Marge’s personality troubles.” Jeff. Please. Your hypocritical slut-shaming is out of control.

“After that everything proceeded in a smooth and orderly fashion.” Aw yeah, unexciting sex, that’s the dream. “Marge was writhing and wriggling on the bed as though she had some oriental disease.” What does that even mean? Is that supposed to sound sexy? Anyway, they have sex, time stands still, it’s totally magical, whatever. Afterwards, Jeff thinks, “I got the picture clearly–plain face, sensational body, confused home life. She probably thought she had to put out to be popular.” Ugh, the only thing this book is arousing in me is RAGE! I hope later in the ’60s, when the whole free love thing catches on, Marge goes on to star in her own soft-core porn novel. And it will be called “Barnard Bare” and Jeff will only appear as a sad memory of the only time she made the mistake of sleeping with someone she felt sorry for.

The next morning, Jeff gets a call from his one true love BFF Chuck. Chuck swears him to secrecy, and invites him to join a quasi-fraternity where all the members hook up with each other. No, it’s not the marching band, it’s…drum roll please…the Campus Sex Club. Jeff “couldn’t have been more surprised if he had pulled a pack of marijuana from his pocket.” Here’s the “straight poop” on the sex club: it’s very secret, there are fifteen males and fifteen females and they can have sex with each other whenever they want. “Perverse practices” are tolerated only with the willing cooperation of the other partner. This seems a little weird to me… Like, you don’t need consent for “normal” sex, only “anything dicey”? Ehhhhh.

Anyway, to get into the club, Jeff will need to pass an initiation test: “to have sex relations with three of the female members within the space of one hundred fifty minutes. The said acts need to be witnessed by at least three male and three female members of the organization.” And oh yeah, Marge is going to be initiated too. Her test is to resist seduction for half an hour, also with witnesses. “The man who’s initiating her can undress her, kiss her, touch her in any way he wants–the only thing he can’t do is attempt actual rape.” Right, because sexual touching isn’t “actual rape.” Facepalm.

The next day he goes to a football game where he sees Carol, the hot frigid Barnard girl who Chuck is chasing, with Fred, Jeff’s still-virginal foil who is on a date with Carol. This will be important later…

Then comes the initiation. In the sex club’s brownstone, with Ravel’s Bolero playing, Jeff meets the naked members. “The Editor-in-Chief of the [Columbia] Daily [Spectator] was there.” So are the President of CCSC, and all the “biggest men on campus.” Jeff gets naked and completes his initiation with girls who are all given long and lavish physical descriptions. They all have very nice breasts. He almost can’t get it up for the third girl, but luckily she does a sexy striptease and then he’s fine. Marge almost melts into a pile of goo but manages to pass her initiation too. The whole thing is filmed, too. Great.

Will Jeff regret his decision to join the sex club? Will he ever see a pair of breasts he doesn’t immediately want to drool all over? Does the next section really feature horrifying attempted date-rape and even more slut-shaming? Tune in next time to find out.