To those of you still here, we here at Bwog can offer you some perspective: every page left in that final paper, every hour until that absurdly late final exam, keeps you protected from the interrogation you will face upon your return home. To remind you of this, and to help you prepare, we have compiled a list of the full range of questions you will face.

Romantic

  • So do you think you’ve met your spouse yet? Because we still hate your ex.
  • Are you dating someone? I see a lot of pictures of you with [insert friend here], are you guys A THING?
  • Are you using protection?

Existential

  • What do you want to do with your life?
  • Are you happy?

Academic

  • What’s your major?
  • How are your grades?

The Looming Future

  • What are you doing this summer?
  • I think this semester we can afford your tuition, but what are your employment prospects?
  • Do you have any internships lined up?
  • How hard could it be to get an internship with The Economist?

Health and Wellness

  • How’s your nutrition?
  • Do you eat lots of vegetables?
  • How’s the dining hall?
  • How much do you smoke?
  • How much do you drink?
  • Are you so busy studying that you don’t have time to go to the gym?
  • How’s your social life?
  • Where do you spend all your money?
  • Why do you withdraw cash every weekend from an ATM located near someone named Tom?

And finally, the kinda sweet?

  • Are you coming home for spring break?