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Feb

10

Halal-lelujah For 115th N’ Bway

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Tasting their kebab!
Tasting their kebab!

Tasting their kebab!

Have you ever wanted Chipotle but couldn’t afford it? Have you ever left m2m because you were too drunk and couldn’t read any of the food labels? Have you experienced lying in bed after a long night of not going out and had your tiny dorm window catch the flickering light of that “Hamburger Kebab Gyro” banner? If not, have you truly lived?

If you’ve experienced any of these previously described nights, they’ve probably included halal, physically or spiritually. The halal guys at 115th have seen the best and worst of us, but mostly the worst. We can’t resist them, especially when their charisma and charm alone make you want to taste their kebab. And so, Staff writer Momo Arbeit BC’19 ventured out to see if their suave meat flipping skills and killer sauce drizzling talents really make them one of the top halal carts for Morningsiders.

Halal Guys: Alaa, 33, and Sheriff, 31
Hometown: Egypt
Prospective Major:
Alaa – Physical Education
Sheriff – Economics
If they lived on CU’s Campus, Prospective Dorm: EC
Bernie or Hillary: Not Trump
Favorite Actor/Actress:
Alaa – Kung Fu Panda
Sheriff – Julia Roberts
Favorite Movie:
Alaa – Rocky
Sheriff – Lord of the Rings


Our Review:
Flirtation: Not subtle with a touch of racist commentary
Humor/Charisma: The no-filter of Sarah Silverman and a dash of hopeful Obama
Falafel Quality: Weirdly positioned barbecue sauce on falafel so 5.5/10. Without sauce: 8/10
Cart Aroma As You Walk By: A mixture of back-of-the-cart steam, cigarettes, and the promise of a one-night-stand, inviting enough to convince you to spend your hard earned (but negligible) internship money.
Looks: If you’re into that smoky halal hair and that whole married-with-kids thing, hell ya.

Bwog: How do you feel about vegetarians?

Sheriff: Vegetarians! I like them. Personally if I could have anything here I’d have the fish plate.
Alaa: Nothing beats Egypt’s falafels. Anything on the grill is good.

Bwog: What do you think of Columbia students? How do you handle drunk customers?

Sheriff & Alaa: I don’t really have anything exciting on Columbia students. This is a very good place and all of the customers are really nice. Students might come drunk, but they never act it. It doesn’t seem like that many people even go out late—or at least they don’t pass by here.

Bwog: What was life like back home?

Alaa: Back home, I was a kung fu aficionado. I’ve been doing gymnastics and kung fu ever since I could walk. I have 2 national Kung Fu Champion titles in Africa. My wife back home is very supportive. I’m trying my best for her and our baby girl. We’re also expecting a baby boy within the next month!
Sheriff: In Egypt I was a successful accountant, but my family wanted to try a new life in America. My wife and baby girl is still back home, and when I save enough money, I also hope for them to come live with me in Jersey.

Bwog: What are you plans for the future?

Alaa: Right now, I am a kung fu sensei, but I hope to join the USA kung fu team in the future. I’m currently training with the Columbia Wushu Team. As soon as I save enough money, my family in Egypt can come and live with me and we can start a new life in America. One day, I want to live in California—it’s warmer.
Sheriff: I want go to college here in the city and learn enough English and get an accounting degree. My dream is to work as an accountant here in the city.

Bwog: Can you describe your life in one word?

Alaa: Work (or Gymnastics)
Sheriff: Blessed

Up Close And Personal courtesy of Momo Arbeit

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4 Comments

  1. Make America Lamb Again

    No way you got a kebab from them. Been here five years and they're inexplicably out all the time.

    Inconsistency like that wouldn't happen on the Donald's watch.

  2. columbia1800

    like this is even funny..........

  3. barnarGuRl12

    OF ALL THE THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED....LOL

  4. drake  

    this is the shittiest article bwog has ever written

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