A lonely bra, abandoned on 116th and Amsterdam – just like the last shit we may have once given

A couple of weeks ago, we told Columbia to get its shit together. But as February drags on longer than we thought possible and midterm season digs into our sleep schedules and self confidence, we’re starting to realize that the real culprit may not be the institution we inhabit, but our sorry asses themselves. Last weekend’s field notes reflect that trend.

We Might Be Able To Save Our Shit:

• This weekend I finished my thesis and got accepted to grad school. Thanks, Obama!
• My roommate went on a shitty date then brought KFC back for both of us. Bless her.
• Learned what WYAWA means
• Finished social world hw before the sun set (this is a big deal)
• Unearthed my Sony Discman so I could finally listen to the Toru Takemitsu CD my roommate borrowed from WKCR. Was excited to discover that it still works.
• Went to Butler to study. Felt like a Tru Columbia Student™.
• Went to a MESAAS party in EC. They played fantastic music.
• Got a sticker with a dragon and the words “fuck the gender binary” on it at Feminist Zine Fest. Felt pretty empowered as a result.
• Felt whole again after a particularly spiritual SoulCycle class.
• Discovered new parts of Central Park and had the best tea of my life
• Met a cute boy on the subway who was reading Audre Lorde
• (Literally) ran into my architecture prof on my way to Riverside Park for a run on Sunday morning. He told me I seemed to be having a “virtuous morning.”
• Went to Long Island, walked on the most beautiful beach I’ve ever seen, pet dogs, bathed with my friends, and took group nudes.
• Did 4 hours of exercise on a Thursday purely because I didn’t really have other plans
• Related: went to a hip hop dance class downtown and felt aggressively white and very uncoordinated
• Also: While at class, saw a girl who looked exactly like my best friend back home except fitter and skinnier. Fell in love a little.
• Had a cuddle orgy with friends after getting too high to handle a French film sans soutitres.
• My friend watched and live snap chatted the Oscars to me. All I cared about was Leo
• Got informed by three different people that Mad Max: Fury Road won six Oscars. Really happy that this is the news my friends think is most important to me.
• Started really fun fake Facebook drama with high school friends to make one of my friends seem more mysterious and straight than she appeared to her new classmates.
• Thought this girl seemed cool on instagram so I approached her in Ferris and mentioned we always see each other in Brooks Study Lounge. Now we are friends.
• Found out that the bathroom in Indus Valley (restaurant on 100th and Broadway) has really good selfie lighting. You’re welcome if you received one.
• Ate a really good salad at Sweetgreen.

Shit Is Quickly Spiraling Out Of Control:

• Got Strep Throat from a hook up
• Went to SoHo to celebrate a friend’s birthday, ended up spending over $60 on dinner but it was (sort of) worth it
• Used old white man to get into club
• And then: Hid from the man the whole night (under a table at one point), only revealed myself when he offered to buy me drinks
• Received an incredibly shady email from my work supervisor for giving too short notice while taking the day off.
• Tried to do laundry and put the out of order sticker on my machine, and despite that some both took my clothes out. Thot the thot dropped my shit behind the machine so climbed behind the machine and got stuck, turns out the thing behind the machine wasn’t mine
• Declaimed from Tennyson in Riverside Park.
• Later: Declaimed from Tennyson on the steps.
• Continued watching all of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Almost cried from laughter multiple times.
• Spent the majority of my Saturday night in Butler.
• Ate five guys for first time– felt very American and disappointed
• Took a long nap and woke up extremely grumpy (It was actually PMS)
• Then: Tried to open a wine bottle and got frustrated and cried (still PMSing)
• Went to see On Your Feet which was lit as fuck and then was stared at by the girl who wants to have “violent lesbian foursomes” with my girlfriend and her friends
• Bought a pack of Marlboro golds, got stressed and smoked it all in a day
• Was having a normal conversation with a guy on Tinder until he said something about liking it when girls wear flip-flops.
• Had to stay awake on morning train to DC so made my girlfriend sext me at 9:30 am
• Related: When I arrived I texted “ok I’m here…thanks”
• Was approached by one of those guys trying to sell his mixtape in front of the MET with the question, “do you ladies listen to black music?!”
• Went to the AOII crush party and felt woefully out of place. Saw a balding guy there as someone’s date.
• Drunk texted my mom while she was also drunk
• Went on a really mediocre date. Got wine drunk so that was kind of a redeeming part of the night.
• Related: Admired men’s eyelashes while riding the subway home. Still intoxicated at this point. One guy had beautiful lashes!
• Saw a RAT on the OUTDOOR subway railing and almost decided to walk the 30 blocks home but had friends with stronger guts than me.
• Went to “Theatre Prom” on Thursday night. Looked really hot but my heels were fucking uncomfortable. As soon as I arrived at the pre-game, everyone left to walk back to Roone. Left right as the showcase was starting to head back to my dorm for a 10 pm Skype interview with a company in Hong Kong (time difference).
• And then: Had to kick some girls out of my lounge who definitely don’t live on my floor and also didn’t look like first-years. Felt like a bitch but the interview went well.
• Went to cannons before 1 am and realized they normally have tables everywhere
• Ran into a cockroach as I was exiting the shower. Screamed so loudly/was so traumatized that another girl got my stuff out of the shower for me.
• Attended a literature festival panel but ended up mostly stealing free wine and pretzels and subsequently getting quite drunk
• Had sex for the first time in so long, barely knew what to do, felt embarrassed
• Let my mom use my Uber account while in NYC, watched my star rating plummet
• Tried hookah for the first time. Mistake tbh.
• Made unfortunate decisions at 1020. Oops!
• Watched Diners Drive-ins and Dives for the first time and marveled at Guy Fieri’s ability to use the word awesome at a higher frequency than I do

We Never Had Any Shit Together To Begin With:

• My roommate was away Saturday night but I didn’t hook up with anyone (ugh)
• Ordered eggs from Taqueria de Fonda at midnight
• Got an email from my mom asking if it’s true that millennials don’t eat cereal because they don’t want to wash the bowl. Affirmative.
• My friend got way too high when we smoked and ate peanut to sober up even though she’s very allergic
• Related: Thought she wasn’t breathing but forgot how to call 911 so I just googled types of peanut butter (turns out she just had bad cotton mouth)
• Slightly related: Almost followed my girlfriend’s mom on Spotify but was unimpressed by her music taste
• Finally over the flu/whatever sickness I had, I decided I could smoke a cigarette. Now my sore throat and cough are back. DON’T smoke, kids, it is BAD FOR YOU.
• Got kicked out of a group chat when someone made a mean comment about me and realized I was in the chat. Felt relieved because I had been trying to extricate myself from it for a few weeks.
• Walked to the Museum of Natural History to take creepy pics next to the Neanderthal couple
• Accepted a job via email whilst tipsy at 10pm.
• Went to 1020. Bwog bought my drink. I dropped my vodka cranberry off at my friend’s table, and left for an hour to go to JJ’s Place for first time.
• And then: Came back and my friends were gone but drink was still there. Successfully drank more of it, then set it on the low table in the back.
• Finally: This dude sat down on the table and knocked it over, spilling liquid on my friends’ pants/shoes, but missing me. He handed me $10. (And I didn’t even pay for this drink in the first place!)
• Tried to prevent best friend from home wrecking someone. Probably didn’t work.
• My younger cousins, concerned with my romantic life, offered to set up a tinder for me. They don’t know I have a girlfriend
• Got online stalked by a weirdo Cornell boy who fell in love with me over the weekend and who fell out of love when he learned I wasn’t pre-med.
• Listened to Grainger’s Children’s March for a solid two and a half hours straight. Got really emotional as a result.
• Watched a middle school girl nearly fall onto subway tracks while getting her friend to take an artsy photo of her
• Had beer out of abandoned beer pong cups and was disgusted at the depths I could sink to.
• Went to the heights and had a bar-wide sing along to Wonderwall and felt emotionally raw
• Also: Danced to hotline bling which later prompted two men to ask my friends and I how we defined dance (this sounds like a commentary on my dance abilities but I’m pretty sure they were hitting on us??)
• Had a dream about four people in my life (three are currently dead) and my dad (fml). Woke up soaked in sweat
• A guy tried to hit on my friend by complimenting the ski tag on her jacket
• Had a really pretentious and intellectually engaging conversation with someone until 5 am, and subsequently missed my class’s field trip the next day.
• Called my parents for the first time since I got here. They got bored and made an excuse to leave the phone. I was relieved
• Told my mom about my love life over the phone while I was in the middle of Trader Joe’s.
• Ended my weekend hiding in MW until my roommate came to walk me home because some angry man kept swearing and following me around and lurking in the ice cream section
• My halal lamb wasn’t cut in the thin slices I prefer.
• Procrastinated on studying for my stat midterm by compiling these field notes.
• Found out that Ted Cruz is in fact the Zodiac Killer

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The last vestige of togetherness in this chaotic wasteland via Bwog Staff