When you can't find a regular trashcan. Or a Spec newspaper box.

Was this the work of wine-drunk Jewish students returning from Passover or disgruntled goyim who wish they’d gone to Passover?

This weekend was Passover – that historic, monumental holiday when you tell your professor you’re Jewish in order to get out of your Friday class. Some of us celebrated Passover, but some of us just kind-of … passed over it. (The end of the semester honestly can’t come soon enough.)

Passed Over:

  • Went to visit my favorite friends in Brooklyn. Sat in Prospect Park most of the day and watched bougie mothers scream at their children. Actual quote: “you have no sense of responsibility.”
  • Went to a friend’s family’s Passover; learned much less about Jewish traditions than I did about her father’s time at Columbia in the 80s.
  • Twerked on the only white guy at the CSA party, ended up poking him in the eye whoops
  • Went to a bar and met Titus from Kimmy Schmidt even though I hate that show
  • And then: Was harassed in said bar and groped by a white man, and I pushed him away and he fell in front of everyone
  • Some girl asked walked past my booth at 1020 and asked my RA if he worked there (presumably because he’s Hispanic) it was rude af
  • Forgot it was Passover; luckily I’m free from the prison of a conservative Jewish family
  • I haven’t had to do work since April 13

Passed Out:

  • Took a fair amount of Benadryl #allergyszn
  • Went home for Passover. Got a new appreciation for how civil my CC class discussions are.
  • Went to Brighton Beach with my friend on Saturday; decided to buy us two cans of what I thought was cheap Russian juice (two for $1!); upon drinking it, realized that it was actually cheap Russian beer. This was her first experience with alcohol, and I definitely don’t feel as guilty as I should.
  • Spent two all nighters in Butler—I’m probably the most knowledgeable person on campus about the Castra Praetoria right now
  • I’ve gotten very high every day since Wednesday which is new level for me and I have to say the true stoner lifestyle is ruining my health/memory/life.
  • Related: Worked on costumes for a show and I was so high when we were doing the planning on Wednesday that I couldn’t remember what any of the costumes were supposed to look like, or whom we had costumed, or what were their names and characters.
  • Started watching Lemonade and had a Hulk-like anger fit when the Barnard wifi cut out.
  • Witnessed a very short-lived Molotov cocktail in Woodbridge during a Band function.
  • Used my Amazon gift card from the Sexual Health Initiative survey to buy a vibrator.

Passed On:

  • Watched Lemonade and felt the most blessed I have in awhile. We are not worthy and I’m going to need every white woman to sit this one out on the think pieces.
  • Had margs at Amigos on Thursday night and it was super sad and empty in there. Why is there only one song for when it’s closing time at the bar?
  • Went to Queens with friends. Got cold and Ubered back
  • Just left Butler and the security desk lady RANDOMLY GAVE ME FOUR BOXES OF SUSHI BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE EVER
  • Laughed to myself when people complained about how hot it was. They don’t know what true heat is.
  • Learned how to roll since I forcibly switched to hand rolled cigarettes to cut down on smoking
  • Went on a really good first date. My faith in men has been restored (for now.)

The time has passed for Passover stories, but you can always send us your field notes via tips@bwog.com or our anonymous form.

When you can’t find a trashcan (or a Spec newspaper repository) via Bwog Staff