May

5

Bwog In Bed: Cel(l)ebration Edition

Written by

Beyonce

Jay… don’t do it….

Day three of Reading Week, and the livin’ is easy. Just joking, we’re all dying. Just remember: your week isn’t going as badly as Ted Cruz’s is! And you don’t even have to kill all those people–being the Zodiac Killer must be hard work…

Bwogline: If you haven’t been listening to Beyonce’s Lemonade on repeat this entire week, we don’t know what to say to you. If you have, just know that Jay Z is reportedly working on a “response” to the album, which some critics have been calling a “diss track” directed at him. How is he going to respond? Some potential lyrics he could rap: “Hey Beyonce I am sorry/So so sorry/Please love me/Make your fans stop tweeting me with death threats/Thanks honey.” (Missopen)

Study Tip: Fill your body with food that’s actually good-tasting/moderately healthy/affordable: try a falafel sandwich from Amir’s. Under $6 gets you the best falafel this side of 96th street. Make sure to drink lots of water to wash that down! No one likes that kid who passes out in Butler and creates a traffic jam as they’re taken out on a gurney…

Procrastinate: If you’ve never heard of Mirek’s Cellebration, read this and watch until your eyes stream with the kind of patterns you were seeing an hour into your last Chem exam, but prettier. (This requires a non-OS X computer–time to haul your sorry butt into the “study lounge!” Or, you could just watch this video. Either one).

Music: A classic to get you subtly shaking in the ref room. This may look disturbing to nearby students, shake it with caution.

Overheard: A desk attendant defending Bernie’s advanced age saying “We all voted for Obama cause he looked young you know we could relate to him, then two years into the presidency he starts looking like Obi-Wan Kenobi and shit, people AGE MAN.” Real.

Queen Bey via Wikimedia Commons 

 

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