Housing Lottery Numbers As Stereotypical Kids In Your Seminar
Written by Sarah Kinney
The day has arrived: housing lottery numbers are out. Whether you’ve been counting down to this day or utterly dreading its arrival, there’s no denying that Lottery Day will change your life forever. Or, for the next year, at least. So to make this day a little bit better, we’ve written up a handy dandy guide of how to identify kids in your seminar based on their housing numbers. Enjoy.
So, you finally have your housing number. Are you in the top chosen 100? Somewhere in the middle? The dreaded number 3000?! We know you’re out there somewhere. We also know that as soon as everyone gets their lottery number, they immediately let it go to their head. Sometimes so much that they even become a part of you… a part of your deepest personality. So much so that suddenly you can automatically assume the housing number of every kid in your 18th century literature seminar just by the look in their eye. Here is comprehensive guide to help you verify your guess.
Alright, we get it. You went to Exeter. You spent spring break at your grandmother’s chateau in southern France. And, by the looks of it, your housing selection for this year may be just as nice. Every time you raise your hand to sprew off some vague, faux-Enlightenment answer, I am now going to resent you even more. Something I never thought was possible.
Wow, don’t you look so pretty today. Your hair is just perfect. Oh, is that a new sweater? Of course it is. This brunette bombshell has perfected the art of looking like she Woke Up Like This, and her housing number shows it. She’s just shuffled enough to not be too flawless, but damn is she still lucky. Every time she speaks up in class, her words are eloquent and kind. Her voice sounds like a princess deepthroated some daisies. Have fun in Sulz Tower, bitch.
Could be better. Could be worse. He’s wearing a Neutral Milk Hotel t-shirt under his unwashed flannel and his hair is falling in his eyes. He’s by no means a poster child for excellence, but there’s still something about him that’s undeniably curious. When he raises his hand, he speaks with a smoker’s voice about how capitalism is crushing everything and nothing is actually “real.” He’ll probably end up on the top floor of EC with a suite he’ll hotbox every night.
Ahhh, the averageness is just palpable. Refreshing, almost. You know you don’t have much to compete with. You can tell they haven’t read the book, but that’s okay, because you haven’t either. When the teacher goes off on an unnecessary tangent, you often make eye contact from across the room and share a collective sigh. They’re quiet, but you can also tell that they’re anything but dumb. They’ll end up with a calm single somewhere with a nice view that they’ll decorate with lots of copper string lights bought on sale at Marshall’s.
Late to class. Again. He makes no effort to hide the fact that he hasn’t read the book. Claims he read it in high school, but honestly, even if that were true, it wouldn’t make a difference. If he’s not on his phone under his desk then he’s asleep in the back row. But as much as you try to be annoyed by him, you can’t help but relate… just a little. We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s not his fault he got stuck in his class. Maybe he just needed one more global core. Nevertheless, catch him in Plimpton. He had no other choice.
Image via Columbia Housing
Tags: have fun in sulz tower bitch, honestly i think this post is pretty fucking hilarious, housing lottery, may the odds be ever in your favor y'all, neutral milk hotel, too perfect, what's your housing number