Even the clouds are sweaty.

Let me set the stage for you: I’m at a football game. It’s late October. Three days before Halloween, in fact. Around this time, I would normally expect to be bundled up in a coat and scarf, a knitted hat keeping my head cozy as I hold onto a warm cup of coffee for dear life.

But instead, I’m sitting here in direct sunlight and 70-degree temperatures, sweating my ass off.

What gives, Columbia? The past few weeks have been a dangerous game of temperature roulette, as we’ve switched between sweltering humidity and a state tantalizingly close to sweater weather without so much of a second thought. It’s as though this campus is an experimental bubble, and some awful deity is flipping a switch from hot to slightly less hot just to make it even harder for us to survive midterms season (after all, how are we supposed to be motivated to go inside and study when it feels like beach weather outside?). It was even hot when we went to Dartmouth last weekend. DARTMOUTH. That place is supposed to be a TUNDRA.

At this point, we’re prepared for no snow in December, and we’ve accepted heat waves in March. But this refusal to just properly let fall be fall is the last straw. For gods sake, weather, we have so many cute sweaters and scarves! Let us wear them!