Feb

21

How To Get $2.7 Million To Buy The House From Call Me By Your Name

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Armie Hammer with our favorite Columbia dropout

The beautiful house that served as the setting of Call Me by Your Name is on sale in Lombardi, Italy. It’s fair game: anyone willing and able to purchase it can become its new, loving owner. The only caveat is that it costs $2.7 million. As broke college students, it’s hard to come up with that much money before someone else gets to the house. However, Bwog has come up with several easy ways for you to follow the footsteps of Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer!

  1. Steal all the Canada Goose jackets from frat parties and sell them all. Where are all of the Canada Goose jackets going? To our post-graduation house fund.
  2. Join the football team, where you’re guaranteed a job at Goldman Sachs when you graduate. Don’t worry if you’re not athletic, Columbia’s football team will welcome anyone with open arms.
  3. Become PrezBo’s sugar baby. This probably requires less effort than any of the other options on this list. If you’re looking for something low-commitment, this is for you.
  4. Become PrezBo. If the above doesn’t work out for you, you can always just shape-shift into PrezBo and use your hefty salary to buy the house.
  5. Leave your job as President of Barnard to become President of the Lincoln Center. You better do this fast, though! Rumor has it that DSpar has been secretly eyeing the Call Me by Your Name house.
  6. Pretend you work at the call center and get the alumni to give their donations directly to you. I’m sure Columbia alums would be more than happy to donate to an aspiring young student like yourself.
  7. Harvest and sell the marble used to build Butler. No one needs it, anyway.
  8. Sell Barnard first-year sign-ins to EC. If you live in EC, just stand outside on a Friday or Saturday night. You’ll instantly make millions!

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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