Feb

25

How To Make Guy Friends At Columbia

Written by

Betsy on Low the next time it’s warm out

At last week’s meeting, one Barnard Bwogger came to the pitch table with an honest question: how does one make guy friends at Columbia? EIC and fellow Barnard student Betsy Ladyzhets (who has made some very good guy friends at CU) is here to answer that question. Note: some pieces of this advice are more serious than others.

1. Join a student group with guys in it. This tactic is most successful if the group is a. related to something you’re passionate about and/or b. a group that has a significant time commitment, such as long field trips or frequent rehearsals. The first will help you make friends because other people in the group will have similar interests to you (always good grounds for friendship), and the second will help because spending a significant amount of time with someone always leads to bonding.

2. Hang out in Ferris a lot. Don’t just eat in Ferris. Study in Ferris. Nap in Ferris. Live in Ferris. Camp out at one table for an entire Saturday, and wait for guys to ask if they can sit with you when peak hours hit. When they do, strike up a conversation — by the end of the day, you’ll have befriended at least one.

3. Follow Columbia guys on Twitter. You can tell a lot about someone from their Twitter account, including whether or not they’re friend material. Because most Columbia students are proud enough of going here to include that information in their bios, it’s not too difficult to find a few potential friends with a quick search. Like a few tweets, DM a couple of vaguely Columbia-relevant memes, and soon you’ll be getting invites to their Carman parties.

4. Go to a Columbia dorm’s lounge and put some sports on the TV. This method is easy right now because of the Olympics. The sport doesn’t need to be something “traditionally masculine” like football or soccer — even ice skating or curling might attract the attention of some nearby guys, and give you an easy conversation topic.

5. Stay until the end of a frat party. You’ll end up having deep (or at least drunk) conversations with the residents of the frat house, and will eventually leave feeling much more connected to the universe. Also, CAVA’ing people is a great bonding experience.

6. Buy a bunch of merch from the Barnard store and offer to re-sell it to Columbia boys. Suggested merch includes: the famous blue Barnard sweatshirts, Barnard dad mugs, Barnard lingerie, Barnard dad hats (if they’re back for real and not just for JJ Abrams). This method is doubly good because you also turn a profit.

7. Set up a table on Low with a sign reading “I think the Core is worthless. Change my mind.” You might need to fight a few Columbia boys before you actually end up making friends with one, but hey, it’s always good to open your mind to new perspectives, right?

8. Go to a crowded location on Columbia’s campus and loudly announce that you’ve never played Minecraft. Hordes of nerdy guys will step up and offer to teach you.  Immediate friend material. (Hint: a bottle of wine helps the Minecraft experience immensely.)

Sure way to make friends (and/or enemies) via Steven Crowder, edited by Betsy

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Academia fails: least common denominator instead of cross multiplication, political and social science instead of history. Kids need to DO math and read, not sit through vacuous lessons inspired by psychobabble. Educators water down education and want it just to prolong their careers. Our kids are smarter than their teachers. Because of computer aids, students should be able to do more advanced courses younger than ever, but they can't because their teachers are too stupid and lazy. Worst of all are the therapeutic agents of the deep state called "special ed". This is why we need to depend more on license testing instead of diplomas.

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