I spent half of my day looking at Zagat reviews of restaurants in places that I’m planning on visiting this summer. In other words… Day well spent.

One of my favorite things to do when I have free time, which I rarely do, is people-watch—and as far as I’m concerned, there’s no better place to people-watch on campus than the computer lab on the third floor of Lerner Hall. Because my laptop is on its deathbed, I’ve been visiting the lab regularly this semester in order to complete assignments, and the more time I spend in there, the fonder my heart grows. Some of the things that I’ve seen in there are hard to describe. Just this past week, I saw someone laughing hysterically at something on his desktop, only to discover that he was staring at the log-in screen. A few days ago, I watched someone rush into the lab, grab a seat, take what looked like a container of some type of pill out of his bag, crush a few pills on the surface of the desk, swipe the pile of pill dust into a sandwich bag, and leave the lab as quickly as he entered.

Last month, the Student Affairs Committee announced at a University Senate plenary meeting that the computer lab will soon be converted into a meeting space, and though this transformation is yet to begin, I already feel, in a way, as though I’m grieving. In honor of this truly special space, I decided to spend my snow day doing what I normally do on Wednesdays: sitting myself down in a chair in the corner of the room and attempting to get work done. This time, though, I documented (almost) everything… for eight hours.

10:00am: After grabbing breakfast in John Jay, my dining hall of choice, I head over to the Lerner computer lab. It’s quiet: only three other people are here. This is fairly abnormal; I’ve never been in here when it wasn’t at least half full. The snow outside, I imagine, is to blame. Most people are likely sleeping in. I would have loved to do the same, but that simply wasn’t a possibility—I have a paper to write.

10:22am: It’s still disturbingly quiet. I’ve never seen anything quite like this. All three other people are keeping to themselves, and they all appear to be working on academic assignments. Good for them. I, personally, am distracted beyond belief: For twenty-two minutes, I have been looking at reviews of restaurants in Southwest Florida on the Zagat website.

10:37am: Finally, things are getting somewhat interesting. A dude walked in with a banana, left the banana on a desk, and disappeared. He’s been gone for about ten minutes. Here’s hoping that he comes back.

10:39am: Banana guy came back and retrieved his banana. All is well.

10:43am: A well-dressed middle-aged man has entered the room wielding what appears to be measuring tape. I would assume that he’s with Facilities, but he isn’t wearing anything to indicate that he works for the university. As I type, he’s measuring how tall one of the desks is.

10:57am: Someone entered the lab, sat next to me, looked at the computer screen, shouted an expletive, and moved to another computer. I’m dying to hear the story behind that, but I wouldn’t dare ask.

11:19am: This is still one of the quietest days I’ve spent here in recent memory. Snow really changes everything. Side note: I still haven’t gotten anything done. I just spent thirty minutes reading about Leonard Cohen’s final five albums on Wikipedia. As interesting as Cohen’s return to the music industry after spending five years at a Zen monastery in California, I doubt that reading about it is going to help me write a paper about the relationship between low rates of unionization and high rates of sexual harassment in the restaurant industry.

11:38am: Someone—an older woman—has entered the room carrying numerous plastic bags full of materials that I am unable to identify. I’ve seen her in here before, and I’ve never figured out what’s in the bags. Oh, well. To each her own.

12:09pm: Finally, it’s happened. It happens at least once every time I’m in here, and today is no exception. Someone has entered the lab, grabbed a seat at a desktop, and… taken his own laptop out his bag and begun using it. I’ll never understand this.

12:39pm: Someone else has entered and is doing the same thing. God help me. Also: I still haven’t made any progress on my paper. I did, however, complete three New York Times sudoku puzzles.

1:17pm: I just looked up and realized that the room is pretty much entirely full. I don’t know when or how this happened, as I’ve been too busy using Google Maps to plot road trips that I’ll never go on.

1:33pm: Someone is just chilling in a chair taking extensive notes about something or other on a full-sized legal pad. I didn’t even realize that anyone actually used those things. You know, besides lawyers, I guess.

1:44pm: Two people are trying to whisper to one another about something, but they don’t seem to understand that whispering is an exercise in speaking as quietly as possible. Loud, hushed tones are still loud, damnit. Update: I’ve finally finished my outline for my paper. Progress.

2:09pm: Another laptop guy has entered the room and taken a seat. This is officially a trend at this point.

2:28pm: Someone is drinking Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I’m fairly certain that the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts is about a mile away. Did he walk there and back during the storm? As a Massachusetts resident, I can respect that.

2:47pm: Okay, I’ve counted: Roughly half of the people in here aren’t even using desktop computers.

3:02pm: It’s been five hours. I’m exhausted. I’ve only written about three pages of my paper, but I’m exhausted. I’m currently looking at Zagat reviews of restaurants in Portland, Maine.

3:28pm: Someone fell asleep and is snoring audibly. Like, really audibly. I’d be annoyed if I didn’t relate so much.

3:39pm: The guy next to me is humming really enthusiastically. I can’t currently name that tune, but I’ll keep trying to figure it out.

3:44pm: I so wish I could listen to music right now, but I told myself I wouldn’t put my earbuds in, as I’d be isolating myself from the ~experience~. At least the humming guy is still going at it.

3:50pm: Three students who seem to be working on a group project have been speaking at full volume for fifteen minutes. I can’t take it. This is a sacred space. Luckily, I’m not the only one who seems to be annoyed. Another student has been shushing them for a few minutes now (to no avail).

5:00pm: I’m on a roll, finally. five pages done; four to go. I totally zoned out for about an hour, but I don’t think anything ~too~ exciting took place. Overall, this has been a pretty quiet day.

5:17pm: Overheard: “Goddamn, dude, I wish I went to that snowball fight thing.” — some athlete-looking dude. I feel personally attacked by this relatable content. :(

5:37pm: Someone just let out an almost primal scream. “Scream,” on second thought, might not be the right word; it was really more of a loud, prolonged grunt. In any case, it’s totally understandable. The second half of the semester always makes me feel the same way.

5:57pm: The guy who won’t stop sneezing is reminding me that my time here is almost up. I ended up getting six pages of my paper done. That may not sound like a lot, but when you consider the fact that I spent my day taking notes about people who, for example, can’t prevent themselves from sneezing uncontrollable, it’s not too shabby.

5:58pm: Someone—I believe it’s the guy who loudly cursed earlier—just shouted something that sounded like “some people shouldn’t breathe” before letting out anguished sigh. Yikes.

6:00pm: Alright, it’s been eight weird, long hours. I just saw someone sit down at a desk and take out not one but two laptops… and use them both (instead of, you know, the computer at the desk). I think that’s my sign that it’s time to leave. I really can’t handle this anymore.

Photo by Jake Tibbetts