Though protestors repeatedly tried to teach Columbia a lesson about worker’s rights, Prezbo has been notably absent from the conversation. Part of this is due to the fact that he is not on campus. Where did this enigmatic dictator go? Staff writer Megan Wylie has some thoughts. 

Found him!

The past week has included a lot of protestors, the President of Ireland, a gaggle of Councilpeople, various Assemblymen, notable SDS alums and Cynthia Nixon. Amongst all of these famous faces, however, one has been missing: our dear President, Lee Bollinger. You’d think he’d make an appearance in the midst of campus upheaval but alas, his house remains empty. While picket line chants ruminate across campus, PrezBo has deemed this the opportune time for a little Spring getaway. Where is he, you ask? Well, I have some theories:

  • He’s on a beach and is leaving a voicemail for the Provost saying, “you guys have fun! I’ll be back Wednesday”
  • Planning his run for governor against Cynthia Nixon
  • Playing golf at the Mar a Lago and laughing about union destruction with Trump’s entourage
  • Jumping into a pool filled with his $5 million dollar salary
  • Sunbathing on some autocratic leader’s yacht, negotiating an invite to the World Leaders Forum
  • Writing his commencement address centered on free speech and liberal ideals (while conveniently ignoring labor rights)
  • Discussing another book deal that’ll add to his aforementioned pool of money
  • He tried going to the stacks and got lost on level two. Look out for him this week
  • Hiding under a pile of free shirts and discarded pro-union signs
  • He’s actually just been waiting in line at the 114th street Starbucks this whole time and has yet to get his skim cappuccino
  • Persuading New York billionaires to fund another gentrifying STEM center uptown
  • He’s with DSpar and they’re currently jetskiing around Richard Branson’s private island
  • Alternatively, he’s interviewing for DSpar’s role as president of Lincoln Center
  • Plotting his revenge against the grad students by banning all relationships between faculty and students

Photo courtesy of  Martin Hanford (Edit courtesy of my procrastination)