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Oct

2

Columbia Fraternities As Juul Pod Flavors

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I love my handy dandy USB drive!

Note: Bwog does not condone the use of nicotine products, smoking, or the Juul* product. Smoking is bad. Bwog also would like to acknowledge that the following content is not representative of all individuals of each frat. Also, the list is in random order. Continue reading at your own discretion.

*The Juul is an electronic smoking device that resembles a long USB drive. It is common among teenagers and college students. Smoking isn’t cool. Don’t do it.

Sigma Nu: Cool Mint
You can’t go wrong with cool mint. Not the most original, but most people like them. Sometimes you get a little tired of it, and then you branch out. But you always come back. Cool mint can be considered the most basic flavor, and people who like cool mint will make sure you know that it’s also the best. Except it’s not that obnoxious because both are arguably true. Not too much negativity regarding Sig Nu, especially not after they got that new frat dog.

Beta Theta Pi: Mango
Mango sounds like a great idea at first. Mango seems sweet, harmless, a genuinely good flavor. Everybody starts off with mango, and then eventually either you stick to it forever or you realize it makes you sick. You realize mango may come off as sweet but it actually has a lot of personal problems it needs to work through. Much like Beta. Beta was probably one of the first frat parties you went to. And now, either you’re hanging out at the Beta house every weekend, or you never want to go back again.

Sigma Phi Epsilon: Classic Menthol
This flavor is a little misunderstood. It’s not as common as cool mint, but mostly because it’s a little more intimidating. If you talk to the right people, they will tell you they love classic menthol. Other people will tell you it’s kind of pretentious and a little gross. Classic menthol is for people who think they’re different, but under all that, they’re just another trust-fund finance sellout. But at the same time, you kind of want to be a trust-fund finance sellout.

Lambda Phi Epsilon: Cool Cucumber
Cucumber is not, in fact, the coolest flavor. It is, however, a pretty neutral flavor. Nobody will make fun of you for liking cucumber but not too many people will agree. Not very controversial, kind of niche, and overall pretty chill. Both Lambda and the cool cucumber pods are a pretty safe choice, and can actually be pretty fun sometimes.

Delta Sigma Phi: Creme
Most people have never even thought about getting creme because of all the negativity that surrounds it. People who like creme seem like they would spend summers on their private yacht on the Amalfi coast and have casual weeknight dinners at Gramercy Tavern. They would also most definitely tell you why creme is the best and it definitely will be obnoxious. And of course, we’re gonna make a pun about how DSig probably thinks they’re the crème de la crème.

Sigma Chi: Tobacco
We’d imagine that after the football boys of Sig Chi do their hardcore sport things (like losing to Princeton), they probably want to take a hit of their super hardcore Juul and so we assigned them a pretty hardcore flavor. Yeah, we know baseball players are the ones who chew tobacco but this one really doesn’t need much of an explanation. Just think about it, Sig Chi is tobacco.

Phi Gamma Delta: Fruit Medley
Honestly a little bit sketchy. Always be a little weirded out when people say their favorite flavor is fruit medley. It is definitely a bold move to associate yourself with fruit medley. It was also a bold move to colloquially associate your frat with one of the most beautiful holiday destinations in the world. We’re not quite sure how to label Fiji– they’re a medley of many personalities if you will.

Image via USA Today

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3 Comments

  1. Alpha Phi Alpha

    Sexual chocolate.

  2. Anonymous

    What about ADP and St. A's?

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