The only Package I care about.

Getting tired of the tea and ramen noodle packets? How stereotypically college do they think we are? Here’s Bwog’s petition for what to include in our next Columbia Care Package:

• The textbooks for all your individual courses
• Sexy Halloween costume that shows off your intellect, humor, and tits
• Study guides for all of your classes that actually look like your exams
• Pocket-sized unfoldable coat for the 20-degree temperature drop of the day
• Lotion because everyone is ashy 
• Electric razor for a manic buzzcut, preconceived buzz cut, or date that might go well
• Chastity ring for when reality strikes
• Umbrella you didn’t steal
• All the makeup you forgot at home
• Pajamas that don’t have stains on them because you forgot people have to see you in your pajamas
• Lube that doesn’t feel like a melted jolly ranchers
• Face wipes for nights you just can’t make it to the bathroom
• Monthly MetroCard because you always have to refill yours at the station while your train is coming
• Posters that don’t make you look like a poser
• Blankets that actually fit on these giraffe beds and your body
• A planner that has already been planned upon
• Personal water cooler (John Jay knows)
• Tissues
• Confidence

Let us know if you have any more suggestions for a care package that really delivers.

photo via Bwog Archives