no Chadwick Shapiros were harmed in the writing of this post

Anyone who has been following Columbia football knows that after their first winning season, a series of injuries has plagued our boys in blue, leading to a less-than-spectacular 5-4 record (2-4 in the Ivy League) as they go into their final contest against Cornell. It’s also left them unsure as of Friday, who their starting quarterback will be. Bwog has no idea who will ultimately take the field tomorrow, but we sure can imagine.

My name is Chadwick Schapiro, CC ’20 Econ major with a concentration in CS. I’ve been on Columbia’s football team since my freshman year, leaving me unsure if the reason I was accepted to this school was athletic recruitment, my legacy status, or the millions of dollars my parents donated to this institution so they could build a third building named Schapiro. To be honest, I don’t really need to think about that too much though. However, I’ve only ever played in 1 game: the last 3 minutes of the game against Brown last year, when we beat them 31-13. This weekend, that’s all about to change.

Friday, November 16, 10:30 AM: I’m at practice, and everyone is looking a little antsy. It seems like the coaches thought Josh Bean would have recovered in time for our last chance to have two consecutive winning seasons, but none of the other quarterbacks were given the all clear. They’re standing in a huddle in the locker room and keep casting worried glances over their shoulders at me.

Friday, 11:25 AM: Ths has never happened before. During practice, one of the coaches pulled me away from my usual habit of running drills by myself, watching the tape from my 3 minutes of glory, and trying to hype everyone up (someone’s gotta do it). They asked me to throw a few passes. Out of all 15, 10 were actually caught by another teammate and 3 of those weren’t immediately dropped by the receiver. Honestly, especially if you compare that to the days of The Streak, I think I’m actually doing pretty well.

Friday, 2:45 PM: They’ve had pretty much everyone on the team do what I just did. A ball has not been caught in several hours. Are my fellow teammates seeing ghosts where I’m not? It’s unclear. I don’t want to get my hopes up but it looks like I might actually get my chance.

Friday, 11:32 PM: I just got a frantic call from Coach Bagnoli. It looks like they’re going to have to put me in. I’ve been preparing my entire life for this moment. I can do this.

Saturday, November 17, 1:00 PM: Time for kickoff! Let’s go Lions!

Knickerbocker Roundup, Monday November 19: Yesterday, the Lions wrapped up their season with a nailbiting game against Cornell. Starter Chadwick Shapiro, Columbia eighth-string (we think; at a certain point, we’re fairly certain they stop numbering them) joined his fellow quarterbacks on the bench after he slipped on a patch of ice on the sidelines less than a minute into the first quarter and severely sprained his ankle. Despite losing yet another quarterback, defense was surprisingly strong and the team managed to hold Cornell at bay until the final minutes of the game: the final score was 0-3.

yes that’s a real score via Bwog Archive