Apr

28

Written by

straight up to my face

Ever since the ban/relocation of the Columbia University Marching Band’s Orgo Night, there has been a series of mishaps and miscommunication on the part of the Columbia administration. Bwogger Amara Banks calls them out on their fake love. 

Since last semester, a collection of frustrated Columbia University Marching Band alumni has penned a total of 10 defenses of Orgo Night. Created in the style of pamphlets, the group desired to express their disagreement and frustration with the tradition’s cancellation.

After its 10th publication on March 26th, a letter addressed to President Bollinger (and emailed to several other campus administrators, including Ann Thronton and Deantini) essentially asked, “What’s the deal?” Their letter opens with a summary of the group’s communications with the university—emails and letter sent to him, Thornton and Valentini. According to Hamiltonius, the administration’s response has consistently been: “The University administration knows best and that no action will be taken in response to alumni concerns.”

The group began drafting and publishing pamphlets in another attempt to start conversation with the administration, sending the essays both via email and snail. The letter included a summary of the conflict and their frustration before ultimately calling for a response:

“Where do we go from here? We are alumni who love Columbia, who actively participate in alumni events and reunions, who return to Columbia for homecoming and Days on Campus, who interview high school students for the Admissions Office, and who attend athletic events to cheer on our Lions… What do we want? We want you and Dean Valentini to stop ignoring us and putting us off with platitudes and form letters.”

Nice turkey where’s the beef

Apr

28

Written by

I agree.

When we listlessly sit in lecture, we tend to do various things — sleep, doodle, viciously glare at others, noisily eat some concoction inevitably involving peanut butter, and write some shit in our notes. As we look at our notes for the first time during Reading Week, let’s commemorate our recorded moments of triumph, despair, surprise, and resignation.

  • “Yikes!!!!!!”
  • “We’ve got a looooong way to go”
  • “Devil looks like Dobby”
  • “I hate queer theory” x 3
  • “Performativity”
  • “Why is Oedipus complex in nearly every book?”
  • “A glimpse of evening sunlight signifies not freedom, but death”
  • “I Hate This Class”
  • “I! Need! To! Pee!”
  • “‘Meow’ – our defense mechanism”
  • “M gives student what serpent said to Adam + Eve, student doesn’t understand M shitting on subjects”
  • “Lecture Scares The Poor Prospie”
  • “Woolf’s lighthouse = phallic symbol”
  • “Bwog pitch: how to distract yourself in class when you need to pee”
  • “Regan = incestuous :0”
  • “WOW!”

Notes via Betsy Ladyzhets

Apr

28

Written by

Thanks

As my great-great-great-grandmother always used to say, one must not always rely on external validation. The seasons change, and people vary, but there is perhaps only one constant — you. Validation that comes from within rather than from without is as firm a foundation as whatever the hell is holding up Butler after all these years of suffering. It is as constant as the turning of the sun, my LitHum classmates using the word “dichotomy”, and my neighbors smoking weed on weeknights. Yet, someone else is more constant than these constant things, and it is that one person who always likes our posts through the Facebook widget.

I see you, you beautiful anonymous user, liking my shitty Bwoglines content the moment it is posted. Cheetahs travel at 109.4-120.7 km/h, peregrine falcons travel at 389 km/h, and black marlins travel 129 km/h, but 3*10^8 m/s is the speed at which you travel to like our posts and the speed in which I fell in love with you. May your days be merry, and may you keep refreshing our website (or continuing to be a bot).

Apr

28

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The wisest of them all

It’s not every day that you meet someone “wise.”  For such a terrifying dearth of wisdom, I often seek good, home-grown wisdom in literary characters. For instance, I would call myself a “stan” of Nestor — Nestor is wise. Nestor is also a senior. Therefore, if you are a senior, you are wise. If you are not a senior, you’re out of luck, but you can redeem yourself by nominating someone for Senior Wisdoms.

Nominations are due today at 11:59 pm. Send their name, email, and a brief description of why your chosen senior might be so wise to tips@bwog.com. If you want to be sneaky, submit through our anonymous form.

Florida is a phallic object via Eric Gaba

Apr

28

Written by

He has the key to a bottomless pit, but who has the key to my heart?

Happening in the world: On Wednesday, NASA’s Cassini spacecraft captured the closest-ever pictures of Saturn’s atmosphere. It also found a quote unquote “giant hurricane.” (Space.com)

Happening in NYC: Cutting bathroom tissue as the inaugural ribbon, the toilet authorities of NYC opened a public bathroom that cost nearly $300,000 to make (it has imported tiles and classical music). (TIME)

Happening on campus: Later today at 3 pm in the Satow Room on the 5th floor of Lerner, the Office of Financial Aid will host a party of sorts concerning reapplying for financial aid. There will be useful information and dim-sum.

Overheard: “Something was put into a bank vault and never put again.”
“Sometimes I quote myself in Bwoglines.”

Health goth tip: “Don’t buy a bag of Doritos at 2 am in the morning because you’ll end up eating half the bag.” – Anonymous

The Angel with the Key to the Bottomless Pit by Albrecht Dürer via the Met

Apr

27

Written by

My personal favorite.

One of the best ways Bwog gauges campus impressions of our content is by reading our comments from lovely viewers like you. And we read everything—from angry slurs, to defensive anecdotes, to half-assed praise. Here are a few of our favorites from this semester. 

 

Most Underrepresented:

Always looking to support underrepresented viewpoints on campus.

 

Best Mathematical Calculations:

…Bernard?

 

Most Helpful:

Thank you, Amanda!

 

Most Romantic: 

 

Best Mom:

Thanks from Bwog, mom. For all that you do.

 

Most Blunt: 

Good question.

 

Most Genuine: 

We smiled!

 

Most Spiteful:

 

Most Unnecessarily Salty At Spec, Too:

 

“Best” “Quotation” “Marks:”

“Thanks.”

 

Most Vague: 

???

Apr

27

Written by

I spent way too much time making this

Rafael Ortiz, memer supreme, was recently elected as the Pre-Professional Representative of CCSC. We don’t know about you, but Daily Editor Youngweon Lee thinks this is…fishy. Here is her conspiracy theory.

Around the end of last semester, columbia buy sell memes was created by a group of edgy meme-y students. As it quickly became everyone’s new favorite method of procrastination, some memers started to stand out more than others, mostly for their prolific posts, sometimes funny, sometimes not. First it was Rasmi, then it was Rafael Ortiz. I don’t know why Rasmi just kinda stopped posting; he was funny. My personal opinion on Rafael’s memes is that they’re hit or miss, and mostly shitposts, but then again, that’s pretty much an exact description of my Bwog articles, so I can’t judge.

So everyone (including me) thought Rafael didn’t have a life outside of memes, but then he friended everyone in this school on Facebook and announced his CCSC campaign. I mean, like, what? Where did that come from? And he ran for pre-professional representative, of all things. Who even runs for that? Rafael Ortiz, that’s who. And he won.

What’s the conspiracy?

Apr

27

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Should you see the Varsity Show for 50 bucks?

Columbia’s famous musical theater tradition, the Varsity Show, is happening this weekend. Though there are a few ticket options, the most pricy are $50 “VIP” tickets, which promise “front row seats as well as VIP Treatment.” Though we don’t know what that quite entails, Bwog had some ideas as to what would make that ticket worth 50 dollars.

  •  Champagne on tap
  • A foot servant
  • A roasting from Kate McKinnon
  • An apology letter
  • An overpriced designer scarf from Barnard Buy Sell Trade
  • Ear plugs
  • A sleeping mask and melatonin
  • Free laundry while you watch the show
  • The styrofoam reclining lady from last years show
  • Your time back
  • A Canada Goose jacket
  • A paid summer internship
  • Subsidized Barnard tuition
  • Unlimited meal swipes
  • A studio single in 110

 

V123 via Varsity Show Facebook Event

Apr

27

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How do dictatorships and secret police connect?

Bwog Staffer and a Taiwanese student who can not wait to get the heck back to his country, Timmy Wu, shares his experience at a talk at Weatherhead Asian Institute, on the topic of dictatorship and secret police of authoritarian regimes in Taiwan and the Philippines.

Taiwan has not always been a democratic boba tea fairyland under the constant pressure of a giant authoritarian neighbor. While it has been portrayed in the medias as the first Asian “country” (if I may call it so), to ever democratized (and in a month from now, perhaps to legalize same-sex marriage), it was not without incidents of massacres, bloodshed and shady disappearances of pro-democracy activists that it finally came to be what it is today, a country more free than the land of the free. In fact, I have always considered it quite a miracle, how within the time span of thirty years, Taiwan would be able to transform from a society that was infiltrated by probably the highest density of intelligence personals from an authoritarian regime of Chiang Kai-shek, to a full-fledged democracy. In the talk today with Sheena Chestnut Greitens, Assistant Professor in the Political Science Department of the University of Missouri, on her book: Dictators and their Secret Police: Coercive Institutions and State Violence, I was able to get a fresh take on how such drastic transition from authoritarianism to democracy might have gone down.

And just how did the transition go down?

Apr

27

Written by

Soon you’ll have to pay for this beautiful view!

Happening in the World: Turkey has deported four foreigners who were working with and giving aid to Syrian refugees. (Washington Post)

Happening in NYC: Mayor Bill DeBlasio approved a plan to potentially allow the Met to charge an entrance fee for non-New Yorkers. (New York Times)

Happening on Campus: Check out the lecture: “Kompromat: What It Is, and What It Means for U.S.-Russia Relations” in SIPA, Marshall Shulman Seminar Room with Professor Keith Darden, Miriam Elder, and Dr. Katy Pearce.

Overheard: “That’s why I’m a capitalist … I’m not greedy, but when you have money and want to make money…”

Bad Joke: Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Apr

26

Written by

who is he

It looks like our beloved VaJJ’s is dealing with some difficulties tonight, as the dining area is closed due to an unconfirmed issue. One observer speculated a possible roof leak, but the official problem has yet to be determined. Don’t worry, the grills are still going—patrons are just asked to take their chicken strips to go.

Apr

26

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Panicked? Tired? We get it.

It’s the end of the semester, and everyone’s getting tired. We’re tired, the dogs who sometimes meander across Low are tired, even Prezbo’s weather machine is tired (of making it look as though summer has come early for Days on Campus). But few people are more tired than our professors, who have had to give lectures, grade papers, and put up with our bullshit for the entire semester.

As our professors get more tired, we know they’re going to slip up. Maybe they’ll switch their lecture notes and their grocery list, or tell a wild story about their time studying abroad in Amsterdam (the city, not the street), or answer a phonecall from a pornographic film producer in the middle of class. Whatever happens, we want to hear about it.

Send your professor’s weird shit (a.k.a. closing remarks) to tips@bwog.com by 11:59 pm next Monday, May 1. You can also send them through our anonymous form, or leave them in the comments on this post. It’d be helpful if you could include your professor’s name and the name of your class, if possible.

Apr

26

Written by

On Friday night, a few Bwoggers went down to NYU to hang out with our good ole’ friends at Local. Our night of revelry was in full swing until a particular NYU boy and his friend asked, “What, exactly, goes down at Columbia?” Well, we thought, there was only one way to find out. Here is the story of a night in the life of a displaced NYU boy— told from his perspective. 

“So what do you guys even do up there for fun anyways? Like, study and shit?”

The two girls grinned ominously.

“If you really wanna find out, come uptown with us!”

I looked at my buddy who was visiting me from back home. Well, I thought, what the hell did we have to lose? So we agreed, stubbing out our cigarettes, while one of the girls called an Uber for way uptown.

More of this unfortunate NYU boy’s unfortunate adventures after the jump

Apr

26

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Bye bye GSSC! It was nice to know you <3

Last night was the last GSSC meeting of the year and our beloved Bureau Chief Romane Thomas’ last coverage. We will miss you, Romane and GSSC!

Last night, General Studies Student Council met in the Satow room to review the constitution and launch the GSSC App.

President Larosa started us off by announcing that the food bank was recognized by the broader Columbia community. He motioned for the GSSC food bank special committee to be dissolved.

VP of Policy Silin Huang announced that the Teaching Excellence Awards have just been released. She also shared her work in the Ivy Policy Conference and stated that she had learned a lot from other schools about improving mental health policies.

More updates after the jump

Apr

26

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Looks kinda haunted, why would you wanna have sex here

Daily Editor Youngweon Lee was inspired by the strange late-night sounds and noises in the stacks while writing a Greek history research paper and started thinking: what if someone is having sex on a book she needs in the stacks? Here is the results of her pondering.

Here is the scenario. It’s 2:37am on a Tuesday night. You’re in the stacks – say, level 7. You have a 20 page paper about Thucydides and human nature to write. You have a list of 8 books you need scattered all throughout the stacks of Butler Library. You look them up, one by one, on library.columbia.edu, and write down their call numbers. According to the call number guide, you have to go to stacks level 8, 5, and 3. You go to level 8 and pick up the books you need. Check 3 off your list. You go to level 5. There are still a few people working. Feeling a vague sense of camaraderie, you check another book off your list. Then you head down to level 3.

What the fuck happened on stacks level 3?

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