Feb

21

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Armie Hammer with our favorite Columbia dropout

The beautiful house that served as the setting of Call Me by Your Name is on sale in Lombardi, Italy. It’s fair game: anyone willing and able to purchase it can become its new, loving owner. The only caveat is that it costs $2.7 million. As broke college students, it’s hard to come up with that much money before someone else gets to the house. However, Bwog has come up with several easy ways for you to follow the footsteps of Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer!

  1. Steal all the Canada Goose jackets from frat parties and sell them all. Where are all of the Canada Goose jackets going? To our post-graduation house fund.
  2. Join the football team, where you’re guaranteed a job at Goldman Sachs when you graduate. Don’t worry if you’re not athletic, Columbia’s football team will welcome anyone with open arms.
  3. Become PrezBo’s sugar baby. This probably requires less effort than any of the other options on this list. If you’re looking for something low-commitment, this is for you.
  4. Become PrezBo. If the above doesn’t work out for you, you can always just shape-shift into PrezBo and use your hefty salary to buy the house.
  5. Leave your job as President of Barnard to become President of the Lincoln Center. You better do this fast, though! Rumor has it that DSpar has been secretly eyeing the Call Me by Your Name house.
  6. Pretend you work at the call center and get the alumni to give their donations directly to you. I’m sure Columbia alums would be more than happy to donate to an aspiring young student like yourself.
  7. Harvest and sell the marble used to build Butler. No one needs it, anyway.
  8. Sell Barnard first-year sign-ins to EC. If you live in EC, just stand outside on a Friday or Saturday night. You’ll instantly make millions!

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Feb

21

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eat your veggies damnit

Once upon a time, rice and pasta reigned supreme as the side dish staple for dinner plates. However, Bwog is bringing you a new alternative: couscous. Not only is it one of the tastiest side dishes around, it’s one of the easiest to prepare in a hurry. Top it off with some delicious roasted veggies, and you’ve got a meal that will keep you warm once the freezing weather reappears tomorrow. 

Ingredients:

  • Couscous
  • Any veggies you’d like! We recommend  butternut squash, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, or sweet potatoes
  • Olive Oil
  • Salt and Pepper

Eat your weight in veggies after the jump.

Feb

21

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If you sat on the steps of Low and didn’t post it on your Snap story, did it really happen?

It’s the end of February—one of our least favorite (but necessary) months in the year. It’s still technically winter, but why is it so fucking hot?

Hear us out: we think that we’ve figured out why it is so fucking hot on campus today. Do you remember when we first began to experience the trials and tribulations of midterms last semester? Sure, it was October (when things start cooling down), but over time, the campus appeared to wither away, almost as if the campus thrived on our unrealistic hopes of “doing all of my readings” and “being mom’s favorite.” With midterms, we slowly began spiraling, bringing the wintry mix of snow, rain, and hail that we’ve experienced since giving up. Columbia felt your pain even when you were home, and mirroring your unwillingness to be better, the campus was unable to bounce back to its  healthy state for the start of the semester. Like you, Columbia too is tired, overworked, and in hibernation.

We’re in our 6th week of this semester, and we’ve already been hearing murmurs of the upcoming summer. Sure, you might not have an impressive internship lined up yet, but doing literally anything else but studying sounds better than what you’re doing now, right? On top of that, Spring Break is just around the corner! The campus senses your anticipation and excitement, and unlike that drunk hookup, Columbia gave you something to hope for again—the satisfaction of finishing.

Or, it could be global warming.

Image via Bwog Archives

Feb

21

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Baskets ball.

We’ve all been on the receiving-end of a free giveaway. Just like the aspiring artists in Midtown handing out their mixtapes, Columbia is willing to lose some of their humility to get you to show some school spirit. Here’s some of our suggestions for giveaways that will really mobilize the students of Columbia. 

  • Free pizza at every game, all the time
  • More free T-shirts
  • A reserved warm cup of jungle juice when KDR “runs out”
  • Cardboard cutouts of Camille Zimmerman’s face (They do it for the men’s team!)
  • Player bobbleheads
  • A Roaree PEZ
  • VIP access to a sweaty KDR dance floor experience
  • Seat cushions so that your ass doesn’t get numb by the end of the game
  • A half (or even a third, we aren’t greedy) of a PE absence
  • The combined motivation/bravery of both the cheerleaders and dancers
  • Coupons for Columbia gear (If you want us to rep our school, it has to be affordable.)
  • The will to get through the semester
  • A good excuse to tell your professor when you inevitably fuck up
  • Free drinks, or at least a decent mixer
  • A sugar daddy (we see those alums across the court ;) )
  • Money to afford this painfully expensive school
  • A letter of recommendation from PrezBo
  • Control of the aux during games
  • A good basketball team

Image via Max Pixel.

Feb

21

Written by

Ugh, I bet all of these people got jobs at Goldman in October.

For those of us who are not being recruited for logical fields like consulting or finance, family events are particularly treacherous. What do you say when a non-millennial asks what you’re doing after you graduate? Saying the wrong thing can lead to follow-up questions your Creative Writing major did not prepare you for. Luckily, Staff Writer Megan Wylie is here to provide you some quick responses:

Recently, I was asked in Russian what my post-graduation plans were. I told my Step-Grandmother to translate my long, go-to response comprised of a melange of meaningless words, so imagine my surprise when I was then pelted with questions about how I’ve spent four years as a PoliSci and History major, and all I have to show for it is an ability to loosely define sovereignty. While this left me speechless and reaching for a drink,  I thought up some ways you can learn from my mistake:

  1. Let Julia Roberts answer this one for you: “I think I’m just gonna go to Bali and find myself, you know?”
  2. Praise your binge-watching skills by saying, “I think I’m gonna dedicate myself to film”
  3. Say that you’re going into computer science, and change the subject by offering to help them set up their new iPad.
  4. Point to them, say, “good question!” and hope they pick up on your awkward laughter
  5. Say you’re going into the hospitality business while you’re making an income off of putting your apartment on Airbnb at an inflated price
  6. Commit to going to the 2022 Olympics in something you can pick up fast, like luge!
  7. Confidently say,  “I’m gonna take a couple of years off and then go to law/business/journalism school,” but provide absolutely no concrete timeline so they can’t question when you’re still watching Black Mirror three years later
  8. Scream out one of those vague one-word professions, like litigation, or consulting. No one really knows what exactly that entails, but they’ll nod and pretend to know so they don’t look stupid
  9. Propose a time machine for the specific purpose of going back in time to inform your teenage self that the only way to have the assurance of employment is by focusing on science or math
  10. Turn the tables on them, and question what the fuck they’re doing with their lives
  11. Alternative choice, throw the closest person your age under the bus and ask them their post-grad plans
  12. Run to the closest exit with no warning and hope they get the message

Image via commencement.columbia.edu.

Feb

21

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Happening in the World: After yet another attack from Islamist insurgent group Boko Haram, over 90 schoolgirls are missing from the northeastern state of Yobe, Nigeria. If confirmed, their abduction would be one of the largest since Boko Haram kidnapped over 270 schoolgirls in 2014. (Reuters International)

Happening in the U.S.: The Florida House of Representative convened on Tuesday to consider several issues. While they chose not to consider the bill banning the sale of assault weapons, they did successfully pass a bill declaring pornography a “public health risk”. Great priorities, Florida. (The Washington Post)

Happening in NYC: In news that is almost too good to be true, a food deliveryman named Bruce Lee got lost and ended up in Lincoln Tunnel during rush hour. Unfortunately, things didn’t reach a cinematic conclusion for this Bruce Lee: he was arrested for carrying a dagger. (New York Daily News)

Happening on Campus: Columbia University Amnesty International is hosting a screening of These Streets Are Watching, CopWatch’s seminal documentary on police brutality. Check it out in Hamilton 616 at 8 pm.

Tinder Pickup Line of the Day: “Im from Argentina im leaving tomorrow. Do you want to send nudes?”

Image via Keesler Air Force Base

Feb

20

Written by

The overlap between Lit Hum students and Carman residents is considerable enough that new Bwoggers Michael Wang and Zoe Ewing calculated the fastest way to get from one end of campus to the other. Beware the Butler smoke. 

Your roommate taps on your shoulder.“Don’t you have a 10:10 today?”

Google Maps conveniently laying out the 0.2 mile trip.

You drowsily roll over and look at your phone. It’s 10:06 a.m. Your roommate is right: Lit Hum starts at 10:10.“Fuck!” you say, probably. Let’s pretend you actually care about your classes and you want to get to Lit Hum, which is located in Hamilton. What do you do? Luckily, we’re here to help.

There are 3 different routes from Hamilton to Carman (4, if you include jumping across the fence and taking the ~hypoteneuse~, but we’re not agile or geometrically literate enough for that). Each is technically 0.2 miles long but the exact distance in feet could make the difference between sneaking in at the last minute and walking in to 22 stares at the exact moment your professor says “phallic image.”

Route #1: The College Walk Route
Distance: 908 ft
This route seems pretty nice. You get the ~aesthetic~ of walking down College Walk like a true Columbian (not the nationality), and the long stretch along the path from the 114th street gates to College Walk feels satisfyingly direct. But is it the most efficient route possible? Probably not. But until they take down the tree lights, we say this is the best path if you want the scenic route.

Route #2: Strutting down the center path                                                                                                                            Distance: 908 ft
If you ever need a boost to your self-esteem, this is the best option. Don’t walk on the pavement though; the only way to walk this path is through the grass median. There’s nothing more satisfying than trampling millions of tiny grass people on your way to class and, as a plus, you can stare down the couples making out at the benches on your way to discuss Greek incest. It’s the exact same distance as Route #1, so plan according to your mood.

Route #3: Cigarette smoke
Distance: 816 ft
This path is probably the fast-track to Hamilton, but it’s also probably the fast-track to lung cancer. You have to walk the entire length of the path in front of Butler, weaving your way through clouds of deadly smoke like a French soldier in World War I. Yes, it’s the shortest path, but at what cost?

 

Feb

20

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Milstein’s vision should include feeding Bwog

On February 15, 2018, students sampled coffee for the new cafe in the Milstein Center. Here are other snacks Bwog wants to see!

  • Fruit cups with berries, pomegranates, etc. No honeydew – we’re tired.
  • Real granola
  • Boba
  • A soup station that is regularly replenished
  • House-made juices
  • Green grapes
  • Avocado toast
  • Boxed water
  • Baklava
  • Soft pretzels
  • Flan
  • Dirty potato chips (that’s a brand, not the quality)
  • “THIS SNATCHED ASS WAIST”

Comment your favorite snacks and hope the gods of Barnard dining are listening.

Bwog’s new kickback spot via Barnard

Feb

20

Written by

Every Tuesday, Bwog brings you a recap of the previous night’s Engineering Student Council (ESC) meeting. This week was…interesting, to say the least. Luckily, fresh Bwogger and seasoned SEAS student Krithika Kuppusamy stepped in to cover it.

The ESC President, Aida Lu (SEAS ’19), has officially been removed from office, after successful impeachment during the general body meeting yesterday.

Background

At last week’s meeting, Montana St. Pierre (2019 Class Rep) moved to impeach Aida in the middle of the Professional Development Representative’s discussion. This may recall Montana’s similar move to impeach Austen Paris (the ex-VP of Finance) at the end of last semester.

Section IV. A. b of the ESC Constitution states that “the executive board is expected to exercise proper judgement before calling a member for formal review,” and Section IV. B. b. i. states that “the impeached member must be informed of the motion for impeachment.” At the time of last semester’s impeachment motion against Paris, President Lu and VP Qamar stated that the impeachment being motioned for in a public meeting fulfilled the second statute. Last week, when faced with a very similar move to impeachment, Lu recused herself from discussion after a speechless six seconds.

Read about how the impeachment went down.

Feb

20

Written by

Meet Anna Coerver, astrophysics student and Bwog’s very first profile for CU Women in STEM!

Bwog Science is bringing you a brand new column, CU Women in STEM! In this feature, we’ll be highlighting the amazing women in science at Columbia. Our first profile is from Anna Coerver (BC ’20), who is as bright and exciting as the stars she studies! 

Major: Physics

What subjects are you interested in? I honestly love most of physics, but I’m all about the astro side–I’m really interested in compact object theory (magnetars, black holes, neutron stars) and cosmology. Also, I love solar physics, anything with a weird magnetic field, anything that explodes, and light phenomena like rainbows and spectroscopy.

How did you get interested in astrophysics? I knew I liked physics in high school, but for some reason, I literally never thought about outer space. Both of my parents are art historians, so science wasn’t really a casual conversation topic in my house, and my high school didn’t offer anything astro-related. I took a class my first semester freshman year called “Theories of the Universe: Babylon to the Big Bang” because it sounded history-like and because I was interested in science history. Somehow, this class totally hooked me on space! The semester after, I took an astronomy class where I went on a spring break trip to an observatory in Arizona. The time in nature plus the astrophotography plus the stars were all I needed to push me into astrophysics as my main interest, and it’s snowballed from there.

What research have you done? I work with the NuSTAR group in the Columbia Astrophysics Laboratory doing high-energy astroparticle physics. I analyze X-ray and gamma-ray data of really energetic objects like pulsar wind nebulae and black hole binaries.

What are your career goals? I want a PhD in astrophysics, and I think I want to be a research scientist, hopefully with my own lab some day. Then again, I might end up living at an observatory on top of a mountain somewhere, and spend my days hiking and teaching kids about space.

Learn more about Anna here!

Feb

20

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If you check out Well Woman, this could be you.

Sometimes Barnard SGA meetings are pretty pointless—nothing gets learned, and nothing gets done. Last night was surprisingly different: Barnard Bureau Chief Dassi Karp reports on the good work of Nightline and Well Woman, as well as an exciting endowment proposal which hopes to increase the number of vegetables on campus.

Lena Denbro BC’19 and Albert Kohn GS/JTS’18, co-directors of Nightline, spoke about what Nightline’s purpose and how SGA can help. Nightline is an anonymous peer listening students run by Columbia undergraduates for Columbia undergraduates. They accept calls about any topic, every night. Listeners come from all four schools, and undergo a semester-long training and certification process. Denbro and Kohn are the only public figures of Nightline, and serve as the public ambassadors for their anonymous staff. Since they are public, they no longer answer the phones. Part of their presentation included addressing some common misconceptions about Nightline, one being that Nightline is mainly a type of suicide hotline. While listeners are prepared and have taken calls from suicidal students, these are only a small fraction of the calls they take. Usually, the co-directors explained, calls are about more everyday stressors, such as schoolwork and relationships. “There is truly no problem too big or too small,” Denbro emphasized. Additionally, Nightline Listeners do more than just listen. Kohn explained that callers can expect to have a genuine conversation. He acknowledged that “it is hard to pick up the phone, especially in those moments you’re feeling weak and unstable,” but encouraged students to do so anyway. Callers do not have to talk about anything they don’t want to, and can end the call whenever they want, “but sometimes just talking it out can really make a big difference.”

The Nightline directors asked SGA for help advertising. Unlike other clubs, most Nightline members cannot spread awareness of the service they offer, because they are anonymous. They also wanted support in becoming a more normalized resource on campus and getting included on lists of resources that are sent out by the administration. “I think that most students aren’t ready to call the Clinician On-Call,” said Kohn, adding that Nightline may be a good option for students, especially in difficult times, who don’t think they are in crisis but still need to talk. Denbro and Kohn also spoke about how there are all sorts of resources available for students who need them, both on-campus and off, and that sometimes students just need guidance about how to find those resources and make them work for them. They also had what I found to be a really insightful warning for those who have criticisms of health services on campus. Students should work to make these services better, they said, but must be careful to criticize in ways that are productive and does not discourage students from using these resources. Sure, people have problems with Furman—but people should still go. We have to be careful that in our efforts to make these services better, we don’t dissuade people from getting the help they need.

Learn more about SGA after the jump

Feb

20

Written by

As midterms season has started and now will never end, Bwogger Idris O’Neill has compiled a 2 hour playlist for your pre-emptive L. 

Feb

20

Written by

What’s Happening In The World: Reuters reports that Iran has been building up its military presence at bases in Syria for a possible war with Israel. By the way, the United States gives about $4 billion a year to Israel’s military, and both countries have nuclear weapons. It also isn’t clear who Russia would back. No, this doesn’t look bad at all… (Reuters)

This type of bones.

What’s Happening In The US: In unsurprising news, Mitt Romney has announced he’s running for the Utah senate seat left open by Orrin Hatch’s retirement. Slightly more interesting is that he accepted Trump’s endorsement after years of animosity between the two, but we all know Republicans have no spine. (Buzzfeed)

What’s Happening In NYC: Imagine living in your dorm room for four decades. That is a reality for nurse Derek DeFreitas, who has used a Hunter College room as a second home since 1980. According to a suit, it seems like Hunter finally got around to kicking him out, but what took so long? (NBC New York)

What’s Happening At Columbia: Today’s double entendre: The Department of Medicine is having a New York Bone Club meeting at the Marriott East Side tonight from 6:30 – 9. Go and flaunt your inner Ross Geller.

Overheard: “I couldn’t tie my shoes till I was 13. Don’t ask me to do anything.”

Feb

19

Written by

Bwideo is back and better than ever! While our last installment was focused on the student population, we decided in this video to turn to Bwog writers by having them read the mean comments viewers have left on their articles. If you want to contribute to Bwideo in the future, please email us at bwogvideocolumbia@gmail.com with your name and skills, or come to one of our general body meetings at 9 PM in Lerner 510!

Video via Bwideo Staff

Feb

19

Written by

Let’s talk about love!

I don’t know why, but this weekend was a love-filled drama for Bwog Staffers. Maybe it stemmed from the post-Valentine’s Day hype/blues, but nonetheless, Bwog Staffers experienced love, along with other things, in its totality. Anyways, here is a collection of this weekend’s stories, which you can be apart of as well! Send your own stories and weekend adventures to tips@bwog.com and we will add it to this list or put it on next week’s post!

Bwog in the City:

  • Went to Brooklyn to play Catan and eat vegetarian tacos.
  • Went upstate to hang out with my best friends. Played hide and go seek for an hour in her dorm.
  • Had enjoyable and childish fun that made this weekend feel like a dream! Was snapped back into reality when a random guy with a long red beard got a little too close to me on the bus.
  • Interpreted a stranger’s dream at Hungarian.
  • Met up with a friend from high school in Chicago, smoked in Grant Park, and laughed at the bean statue thing for forty minutes.
  • Went to Boston to visit my best friend!!!!
  • Ate two whole edibles at a concert. Felt like the entire world was inside out.
  • Went to three different graveyards.
  • Went to Chinatown to celebrate Lunar New Year with friends over Chinese food and bubble tea.
  • Ubered from 113th to 116th to avoid walking in the snow.
  • Saw Rico Nasty perform.
  • Went to a gay bar for the first time!
  • Went to Lush <3

More stories here.

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