Photo by Leah Greenstein

Bwog is checking out for summer (unless something marvelously big happens that we simply must tell you about) as it is officially June, but first we’d like to give you a round-up of what’s been going on in the CU world these last two weeks.  It has definitely been a memorable semester and we hope you have a relaxing/productive/magical/eye-opening/lazy summer.  Class of 2013: you were an awesome crop of kids and we can’t wait to see where you go.  Don’t forget about us when we’re no longer young and beautiful you’re famous.

• Bwog extends a huge congratulations to the Columbia baseball team who won a real nail-biter of an exciting game last night against New Mexico–Columbia’s first NCAA tournament win!  They came back from a 0-5 deficit in the 8th inning and will be playing against Arizona State today at 7 pm (catch it on ESPN3).  Also in baseball news, check out this NYTimes profile about Joey Falcone, who threw the first pitch at a Mets game last week. (ESPN, NYTimes, Go Columbia Lions)
• We got a tip amending our caption on the crowned Deantini picture from Commencement from graduate Gabriel Metzger:

I tried to toss Deantini my crown frisbee-style but the aerodynamics on a blow up piece of plastic aren’t great, so that was a fail. Instead, I walked around the barriers and actually placed the crown atop his head (yes, I crowned Deantini, it was epic).

You can see the picture of this magical moment at right, which was made into Deantini’s new Facebook prof pic.

• Ebonie Smith, BC’07, teamed up with the Barnard Center for Research on Women to found Gender Amplified, a movement to celebrate women in music production.  They’ve got an Indiegogo campaign and will be having the Gender Amplified Music Festival at Barnard in the fall.  Girl power! (Gender Amplified, Indiegogo)
• After way too long, CU Assassins has finally come to a conclusion.  The winning team was The Chinese Gymnastics Team (Alex Kalicki, Andrew Arredondo, Greg Duchard, Seun Omotunde), while Eleanor Stein and Dylan Smith tied for most kills.  You can see the full email from ESC here.
  
• A+ tipster Daniel Sims, SEAS’14, was listening to comedy show Keith and the Girl when Patrick Carlin, brother of George, talked about Columbia students getting scammed back in his day while looking for prostitutes.  You can listen to it here (contains NSFW language).  (Special thank you to Keith and the Girl for the audio file!)
• Another A+ tipster, James Boothe, thought his sandwich recipe was solid enough to warrant mention on Bwog.  Bwog agrees.  And here we present The SchapHero:

“From the bottom-up:
-12 inch sub bun, steamed over boiling pot of water
-About an inch of hot pastrami
-Light ground black pepper
-3 full-length dill pickle spears, laid parallel to the bun
-Another inch of hot pastrami
-More light ground black pepper
-Light mustard
-Close it up”

• Apartment hunting?  Bwog alum comedy group Local Empire has a video for you:

Kapil Wattamar

Now we have one final Senior Wisdom to close out the Class of 2013.  We love you all and wish you all best!

Name, Hometown, School: kapwatt. As true as it is that I was born and raised in Queens, I can’t deny that I’m an NJ’er at heart. If browntown were a real word, it would mean my hometown, Edison, NJ. And SEAS BME all the way.

Claim to fame? Co-Coordinator of the Hindu Students Organization (HSO). CEO of the Columbia Undergraduate Science Journal (CUSJ). Beatboxer for CU Sur. The guy playing piano at strange hours in the EC 2^ndfloor lounge. Dude with the cereal wall.

Where are you going? Straight to question 4.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. You don’t need to have an opinion about everything. Though you are in a place where it often seems like everyone around you feels strongly about everything, that shouldn’t pressure you into adopting a point of view for the sake of having one. The issues that matter to you will jump out at you, whether they do so early or late. You are perfectly justified in being the quiet observant person that likes to be informed about all perspectives in a conversation, the person who listens and evaluates rather than talks. The important thing is, however, to find SOMETHING that matters to you. Whether it’s global in scale or even just a local matter, find that one thing that excites you, that can make you talk endlessly. You have four years to find that needle in this haystack we call Columbia. Go.
2. It’s important not only to know how your mind works, but also how to work your mind. You need to know how to motivate yourself. Can you pick yourself up when you are faced with seemingly insurmountable confusion or stress? We live in an extremely dynamic world. What makes you happy may not last for long. The next thing to bring you down may be lurking right around the corner. You need stable sources of comfort that you can always depend on. To start, you have your family and friends. Perhaps serving a tennis ball or innovating in the kitchen makes you feel at ease. For me, classical Indian music has a personal meaning and a healing power that I know will exist indefinitely. I can always go to it, and things will be ok, no matter what.
3. Get to know people and don’t hate. We started in different places and are headed in very different directions. But for one brief moment, our paths crossed here. We took a breath together here at Columbia. While you are on this picturesque campus, say hello or strike up a conversation when you pass by someone you know. You have more company here than you think. Friends of different years and schools will open your eyes to the world in different ways. You may occasionally find people who you’re not fond of. Don’t hate those people. Instead find something in them that you admire. Everyone here has something to teach you, whether it’s staying organized, staying in touch with others, handling awkward situations. Making time for fun, asking the right questions, understanding what your calling is. Empathizing, writing meaningfully, speaking eloquently. Or maybe someone has a sense of humor that’s new to you and you think it’s brilliant. Yes, I wrote that list, inspired by one person at a time, and I could tell you exactly who taught me what. I’m thankful that I know those people. They are all role models to me in some way.

Back in my day… I was welcome in Uris. The trip from home in Carman to dinner in John Jay meant tripping on bricks at least twice along the way. UNI meant only your university access code and NOT a one star eatery. (That was called Pinnacle). Dining from meal swipes meant you had two options: John Jay or Hewitt. Getting through the old EC lobby on a Thursday night was impossible. We used the “Old Courseworks” which may have been uglier but which I feel was faster at getting you what you needed.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: In this moment I have your complete attention. If you think your time is worth anything at all, my existence is justified. If you couldn’t even read your LitHum books but you read my answer to this question, then my existence is justified. If you thought about the length of this answer and worried that it may exceed 30 words, if my answer matters THAT MUCH to you, then my existence is justified.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Possibly the easiest question here. My post goes out to Dr. Kanak Manav Gupta, GS ’13. He has as many degrees as the sun and is the most out-of-the-box mind that I know. He demonstrates by example that it’s okay to take the wackiest, most absurd sounding risks as long as you believe in them, even when people around you label them foolish. Instead of feeling discouraged, Kanak proves those people wrong, achieving huge success that is predictable only to those who know his ways. Despite being a self-made spectacle of success by pursuing what he really loves, he continues to learn and try new things for the sake of knowing, making him the epitome of well-roundedness. He seemingly knows everything about everything, so don’t be baffled to see him help someone with homework from a class that he never took in his Godknowshowmanyyears of education. Or to see him get really into a conversation about the most random topic with someone he meets for the first time. Anyone, no matter how young or old, will feel like they are a friend of Kanak’s within minutes of talking to him. You can count on Kanak to make room for necessary comic relief even in serious situations. And because CU Admirers posts are not books, I’ll end it now with Kanak’s generosity. Whether with time, money, or attention, this guy will put anyone before himself (serious understatement right there). This post is for Kanak because he is an unheralded hero who improves life for those around him day after day, expecting nothing in return. Love you dude.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese vs OS. There’s a real Kraft to answering tough questions with logic. I’ll try my best to reason it out without letting anything slip pastyoureyes. But please don’t have a cow if you disagree with me. Let me approach this with our freshmen, the babies of Columbia, in mind. When they enter these gates, OS is not the first thing on their minds – rather, they are hungry and look at their dining options. But without cheese, even things which couldn’t get worse would get udderly worse – imagine john jay pizza without cheese. “Mac and cheese” would just be called “mac”, and people may confuse it with laptops or makeup, leading to health hazards. I won’t comment on Hewitt pizza because we all know that it’s legendairy. There is a subset of freshmen who don’t shower and who would begin to emit odors, possibly cheese-like. These freshmen would reap the benefits of both entities under question even if they were to give up cheese. This is unfair to those who DO shower. Based on established priorities and standards of fairness, there is no whey I can justify letting cheese go. It is and will always be grater than OS.

One thing to do before graduating:

• Play tackle football on South Lawn when it snows a lot. If you’re lucky like I was my sophomore year, and you get almost three feet, you’ll have memories that surely outlast your frostbite.
  
• Don’t be the guy who always orders a Chicken Pad Se-Ew from Thai Market. Try new places and dishes. Challenge yourself to discover new favorites.
• Attend the HSO’s (Hindu Students Organization’s) bhajans in the Choir Room of the chapel on any Friday from 6-7 pm. Whether you are a Hindu or not, it’s an hour of devotional music following by a philosophical discussion or a music workshop from which you’ll be sure to take away something – a calmer mind, fantastic harmony, or some great new friends. Don’t stop there, attend other HSO events, especially if you like free food and dance parties. Make it a point to attend at least ANY one (inter)faith event for that matter. You have access to learning more about people around you in such a personal way, by actually attending services and discussions. Every semester, Hillel and a bunch of other groups organize an interfaith “service hop”. I highly advise checking it out.
• Take golf. This incredibly popular class fills up fast so register for it first. You go out to an actual golf course and learn a new stroke each class. Golf is typically an expensive sport to play and you don’t just get to try it out for fun. The class meets weekly for half a semester and is very worth it. Who knows, golf just might be your thang.

Any regrets? I can’t get over the fact that I didn’t explore Dodge Fitness Center fully. How did I enter Columbia never having played squash and then leave…also never having played squash? I’m not obsessed with it, but the flavors listed at Café East and Tea Magic make me curious and I regret not having tried all of them. Most of all, I regret not majoring in buildingatimemachinesoicouldobackandrelivecolumbia.

Randolph Carr III

Name, Hometown, School: My birth name is Randolph Carr III, a name long descended from my slave-owning, colonial forefathers. However, throughout my time at Columbia, at some point or another, I have been called Malik Newton, Xavier Lee, Brother CUSH, or some combination of these names, usually began with the honorific, Brother. South Central Los Angeles, California. Columbia College.

Claim to fame: At random hours, I could be seen walking around the Upper West Side, casually strolling about, usually alone. At the most unnecessary of moments, I would ride my bike from my dorm to class in Hamilton, just because. Whenever the weather permitted, I could be seen perched on the platform at the side of the Low Library steps, overlooking Low Plaza. In other words, my claim to fame is not really doing shit.

Where are you going? I will be in the city, here and there, wherever I happen to find myself. I will work enough to pay for a ridiculously cramped apartment with several roommates and enough food to survive. I will read, incessantly and indiscriminately. Occasionally, I will be on campus to, once again, sit atop my perch on Low Steps, not doing shit. I want to stay informed and active, preparing myself for what is next to come. What is next to come? If my vision were that good I would have less injuries, more money, and I would, surely, be much, much less interesting.

If you are around in the city and you are one of the rare individuals who doesn’t find me annoying, please give me a call. I always enjoy a good conversation. And, to those friends who will be returning to Columbia in the fall, whenever you have a swipe you would like to give away, hit a brother up.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• You are not unintelligent. Just because your classmates may have gone to elite private schools since nursery school, translated the Iliad in high school, and often use words like milieu or some other frequently misplaced word like dialectic, does not mean they are smarter than you, or their thoughts more valuable. You should never be afraid to speak your mind, candidly and openly. You should never walk with your head down for you are intelligent despite feeling otherwise. Anyone who would have you believe differently is probably not as intelligent as they would hope or pretend. Speak, and speak proudly.
• Keep your commitments that you make to yourself and others. All of your words, big or small, should be honored. When you say you will do something, do so. If you can’t keep your commitments to your friends while in college , why might you suddenly do so in the “real world”? All you have are your words. If you say you will meet someone at John Jay do so even if it means missing that concert that you just secured tickets to and much rather attend.
• Don’t take up too much space. You should always be present, fully, in every living moment. While, yes, you should always proudly, and sometimes loudly, speak your mind–no one likes a motor mouth. Speak in short thoughts, when asked, when necessary. This does not mean be silent or be passive: you can also take up a lot of space when you say nothing. Be conscious and present with others in the room. Your words mean infinitely more when they are preceded by an open ear, a giving hand, and a kind heart.

Back in my day…

• Every room came furnished with these terribly clunky ROLM phones which I seriously doubt anyone ever used, or touched, beyond throwing it on top of the closet, or sliding it under the bed, never to be accounted for again until one had to fill out a Web Inventory Report.
• Ctrl +Alt + Backspace had meaning to the initiated: you never had to trifle over quotas, you could be as liberal and wasteful as possible with what you printed, and you felt damned good about it, despite having jumbled up the print queue.
• Ferris had a Burrito station.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: As a philosophy major, I have heard affirmed: I think, therefore I am. However, I’ve read a more deep reaching, vibrantly stirring affirmation: I feel, therefore I can be free.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To her: you are beautiful. If only I had the courage. I would have told you the truth. I would have approached you with my head held high. If only I had the courage, dearest Alma Mater. You are beautiful, but beauty can mask some ugly things. Put down your staff. Do not seek to conquer the world for the sake of some global community. You are beautiful. Share that beauty with others in your community. Extend your open hand to those near to you. Smile more often; stress will only wear on you.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ve had good cheese and I’ve had bad cheese. I’ve had cheese that I could have done without. I’ve had cheese that makes me feel on top of the world. I’ve had thoroughly matured cheese, ripened to perfection. I’ve been given many cheeses, of different flavors. I enjoy cheese. Moist cheese and even dry, crumbly cheese. I will rarely turn down cheese: Red Leicester, Tilsit, Caerphilly, or whatever the Cheese Shop has in store. But, when faced with an ultimatum of such dire consequences, before one could blink, I would give up cheese.

One thing to do before graduating: Rob this school blind. Check out as many books as you can read, and keep whatever you find inside. Apply for every grant whether you think you are qualified or not. Any professor who you are slightly interested in, take every spare moment they will offer you, to loot their wisdom. This school is abundant in resources, most of which it has, indeed, robbed from someone. Do not be ashamed, steal every opportunity you can get.

Any regrets? I only wish I was a better thief.

Photo cred Daphne Chen

Ladies and gentlemen, your CCSC President.

Name, Hometown, School: Karishma Habbu, Atlanta, GA, Columbia College

Claim to fame? Oddly the most visible thing I did as Columbia College Student Council President was harass you with a weekly email called Lion Bytes (Secret: those things took me 3 hrs each so I’m as glad as you are that they are no more)

Where are you going? Medical school at Case Western Reserve in Cleveland, OH

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. The websites Print at CU, Housing at CU, Laundry View, and the Columbia Directory of Courses will all make your life easier (I didn’t know about the directory until junior year!). Both Dining and Athletics have mobile apps if you’re into either of those things. SSOL has a lot more stuff on it than you would think so take the time to click all the buttons. Through google labs you can divide your inbox into unread at the top and read at the bottom = solid gold. Asana is a project managing app that will help you organize your life – if used along with the app Cue, you will never miss a to do.
   
2. You can be a good leader without being a politician. One typically requires manipulating those around you while the other does not. I use to think being a leader was about making noise, never trusting the vaguely termed “administration” and generally being aggressive. But here’s the thing; the only way to get people to listen to you is to have them respect you. I learned through trial and error that well-articulated logic, negotiation and compromise will get you much farther than throwing tantrums and telling lies.
3. It’s not weird to have no good friends, an iffy GPA, and intense anxiety about your future all at the same time. I wish someone had told me that along with the wonderful fact that each of those insecurities CAN AND WILL be resolved over your four years here. Good friends are made through shared experiences and time spent together – of course it’ll take a year or two to find those! You’re in a completely new academic environment that is more rigorous than most grad programs – of course it’ll take you time (it took me 3 semesters) to figure out how to study or write that perfect paper! As for the last one – all you can ask of yourself is your best. Once you know you’re putting your best into your work, applications, etc., there is really no point in worrying. Your self-esteem cannot rely on little successes and failures that will figure themselves out. Life at Columbia is so good once you’re confident in who you are and what you’re doing.

Back in my day… Cubmail was the bane of our existence, Campo was the place to be on a Thursday night, places like JJs, the EC lobby and even that one floor in Wallach just looked different, gender neutral housing and ROTC were not a thing, the smoking ban was STILL being debated , a mega event called Backyard BBQ (including Carnival esque dancers and moon bounces scattered across the lawns) happened every spring – eesh, I could go on. Needless to say, the Columbia campus, its policies and events are dynamic beasts. Change is always possible!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I was gifted lacy pink underwear with “Prezbu” emblazoned in rhinestones across the top of it. That must mean something.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia:

Addy (Woodbridge), Iqbal (Furnald), Murray (Hartley), Kathy (Furnald) – This was a difficult question because there are so many people – professors, friends, student group members, administrators – who I admire. However, I never told Addy, Iqbal, Murray or Kathy just how much it meant to me that every time I came home, I had a warm greeting and a smiling face to look forward to. Despite the long hours, occasional double shifts, and late nights, these four people maintained positive, generous and even nurturing attitudes toward the students who inhabited the residence halls they were guarding. That’s worthy of admiration.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? My anxiety over providing a witty response to this question almost kept me from writing a Senior Wisdom. Bwog, I got nothing except to say that cheese has never disappointed me.

One thing to do before graduating: Climb to the roof of Low, protest something, fall in love, go to 1020, take a visual arts class, have knowledge darts thrown at you by members of a social justice group, visit Dean Valentini then say hi to him every time you see him, and finally – if you don’t like something about your Columbia experience, or if you have an idea to make it better – don’t be passive! Email my capable successor Daphne Chen and make sure she/the council helps you make the change you want to see.

Any regrets? I’m happy to say that I either knew or recognized at least 75% of the 1,169 people I saw walk across stage one by one on Class Day. I think that’s a good thing, but the reality is that I spent a lot of time at this school creating and maintaining acquaintances. My regret is twofold: that I kept so many of those relationships on a superficial level for so long, and that I let my initial assumptions about people impede what could have otherwise been a wonderful relationship. I did what I could over my senior year to right these wrongs, but there was not enough time. All this boils down to two pieces of unsolicited advice – try not to tack on associations like “superficial,” “snobby”, “hipster” etc. onto someone before giving them the chance to prove your assumption wrong. Also, if you make an acquaintance your freshman, sophomore or even junior year, don’t assume that person has to stay an acquaintance. People typically respond well to the request for a one on one lunch or drink, and taking the time to do so may result in a new and meaningful friendship.

Jasper Clyatt

And now we bring you one of Bwog’s favorite people at this entire school in his reveal as the voice behind @Butler_209, who got us through many an all-nighter–not to mention his work on Carman Forever and Ni**as in Ferris.

Name, Hometown, School: Jasper L. Clyatt, Rye, NY, CC

Claim to fame? I photograph a lot of things and have supplied at least 30 of James Bennett II’s Facebook profile pictures. I blue myself at Halloween and Bacchanal. I worked with some excellent rappers while directing Carman Forever and the Ni**as in Ferris music video series. I was the voice of @Butler_209.

Where are you going? Like the late Alvin Lee said, I’m goin’ home. My plan is to commute into Manhattan from the suburbs for about a year, then rent a penthouse quadruplex in the Village for two weeks. Prorated, of course.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. It seems that many Columbians would rather be right than happy. Not everyone and not all of the time of course, but as a community we always find something to indignantly defend or destroy. Every semester has at least one scandalous controversy that divides and brings out the worst in us. I don’t claim to have a solution, but whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I turn to Book 2 of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. Or, I just think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport and sip on a Baileys hot chocolate.
   
2. The fundamental attribution error. Take an intro Psychology class or Google it. I won’t explain the FAE here, but I’ll share my method for correcting it: any time you start to pass judgment on a person, count to ten and put yourself in their shoes. Don’t just assume that someone is a dick; consider the possibility he just bombed his final exam and feels like shit, or that he’s angry at the world because he was up all night breaking up with his girlfriend. It’s natural to make assumptions about a person’s character without considering their circumstances. Take the time to think, and I promise it will make you a happier and more empathetic person.
3. I know it’s cliché, but the Core really is fantastic. I didn’t fully appreciate it during my CC and Lit Hum years, but by junior spring in Music Hum things started to click. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Music Hum (s/o to Alex Mincek) changed my life. Discovering that music could be so powerful and complex seemed to flip a switch upstairs; I realized that there’s so much more out there left to learn and understand. Everyone says the Core teaches us how to think, although I disagree. “Thinking” isn’t something that can be taught in just four years. I believe the Core teaches us that we can think, and that our lives and our worlds are worth thinking about.

Back in my day… JJ’s Place operated on Dining Dollars and had a convenience store that sold milk, ramen noodles, and cookies. Combine that with the dining hall, CrackDel delivery, and an entire floor of friends, and you could theoretically spend the entire semester without leaving John Jay. You would fail all of your attendance-based classes of course, but I’m sure any reasonable instructor would let you Skype into LitHum if you asked/bribed them.

On a more serious note: we didn’t have 2Chainz, Trinidad James, or trap music. It was a different time, you understand.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I may not leave behind a city of marble, but I try to make things better when I can. If I can create more smiles than frowns, that’s worth something.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Obviously Butler 209. I’ve spent the past year studying there and subsequently studying the beast itself. On a daily basis, 209 is a fascinating microcosm of Columbia; its 24 hour life cycle pulses as students from all walks of life and levels of stress come and go. While I’ve never run a full Butler marathon (26.2 hours awake, allowing up to 2 hours for hygiene and food), I’ve come pretty close with 24, and you see a lot in 24 hours. I learned so much from 209, not just about schoolwork, but about life, love, and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m lactose intolerant, but that’s a bullshit copout and we all know it. Besides, I eat dairy and cheese all the time anyway. Lactaid invented delicious vanilla-flavored chewable tablets so I can enjoy my dairy products without discomfort. So no, I wouldn’t give up cheese.

I don’t mean to mouth off, but giving up oral sex might not actually suck. Now before I get ahead of myself and blow this out of proportion (as I wouldn’t want to eat my words nor swallow my pride), I must clarify that I’m operating under a semantic assumption: that by “giving up” oral sex I am compelled to neither receive nor perform. Though I certainly don’t mind when the situation warrants it, I would not protest being spared the trouble of sneezing in the cabbage, so to speak. As for receiving: is it unreasonable to suggest that less oral sex could lead to more intercourse? It just seems like the case for holding onto oral sex is going south. Anyway, I forgot how I was going to finish, but it’s on the tip of my tongue…

One thing to do before graduating: Go to a comedy show, alone, and turn off your phone. When the show begins, don’t just watch it – embrace it. Forget about being judged, forget about your friends and your homework and your job search; just listen and become one with the act. I promise you will laugh the hardest and have the best time of anyone there.

Any regrets? I regret staying in Butler to write a term paper instead of venturing down to Ground Zero on the night of Osama bin Laden’s death. I missed out on capturing the most powerful moment thus far in my life as a photojournalist in order to avoid a half-grade lateness penalty.

However, I believe that is the only thing I truly, truly regret from my time at Columbia. The problem with regret is that it assumes you know what is best for you, and that you know exactly who you are and where you’re going at a given time. Regret is for people who view their lives teleologically. Perhaps at the end of my life I can look back and evaluate which actions and thoughts had delayed my realization of happiness, but to label most things as regrettable now would be woefully premature or laughably trivial. I have done things I’m not proud of, but I wouldn’t take them back because we all need mistakes from which to learn.

Sakina Pasha

Welcome Sakina Pasha, who provided you with both baked goods and wristbands.

Name, Hometown, School: Sakina A Pasha, Phoenix/Las Vegas/LA, Barnard College

Claim to fame? Just received the honor of being on the cover of Barnard Magazine the semester I graduated, which means my face is awkwardly in peoples mailboxes, on coffee tables, and recycling bins (STOP THROWING AWAY RECYCLABLES-YOU WILL KILL THE POLAR BEARS). I’m President of Knickerbocker Motorsports (Formula SAE)- the AWESOME racecar team on campus, I’m OBSESSED with SGA and been involved with it for 4 years, I’ve been an intro bio TA for two years,I ended up getting 2nd place in assassins being disavowed the entire game, with no one alive on my team, and without killing anyone *cough* greg duchard you died before spring break and claiming to kill someone who is in charge of checking tickets during the Hoodie Allen concert is BS and not a real kill *cough* and I can usually be found in the cadlab/basement of mudd or lying on my floor eating cookies

Where are you going? BACK TO THE SUNSHINE (aka the west coast) to get my Vitamin D on and possibly do ALL THE PASTRY CHEFING before saving the world :)

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Don’t judge people. It might be sappy and cliche to say, but there is no one on this campus who isn’t meant to be here. Whether someones presence helps you to appreciate things in your life more because you see how much they suck, or because you meet someone who is the nicest human being on the planet, everyone you interact with impacts your life, be it in a big or small way and whether you like it or not. So take the time to learn about someones life story, GO TO CAMPUS EVENTS (4 COUNCIL EVENTS ROCK), get involved with a variety of things some of my best friends are from GSSC and 3/2ers from SEAS, take advantage of the knowledge and passion that people around campus have for things. this school is full of some of the most amazing people you will ever be in the presence of, probably including yourself.
   
2. Appreciate and contribute to the experience. From four years of intense observation I have found that I can see about 72 stars from the ledge on the steps on a clear night. Take the time to stop, breathe, observe, and appreciate where you go to school and the people you go to school with. Thank the faculty, staff, and administration when you get the chance, and consider how much it actually takes to run an institution. Its simple to put blame on the people in charge, but honestly by trolling you’re not helping anyone or furthering an argument that hasnt been made or been overturned. Don’t waste your time, energy, or internet space talking smack with no intention of picking up the slack.
3. Engage. You can’t do everything on campus and in the city and there is no perfect balance or formula that can help you have the perfect college experience; but if you don’t get involved, meet people, and really engage, you’re wasting a lot of your time, money, and your life. You have the chance to work with some of them most capable people you will ever come across or work and explore in a city of opportunity, so take advantage of it and enjoy your time while you still can, because once the word graduate is attached to your name, the perks of being a college kid dissolve almost immediately.

Back in my day… The war on fun wasn’t managed via swipe access, tunnels were open, roofs weren’t overpopulated, and all my friends were older than I was.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I feel instant happiness from cooking and feeding people so I live to make all my friends chubs. I have probably spammed your fb with invitations for GHR or Tree Lighting, or gave you one of those BC/CC/GS/SEAS wristbands during homecoming week.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To my wonderful FSAE family, thank you for four years of amazing racing, building, teaching, learning, and dedication to this team. Though many of you have challenged me more than anything else I have ever encountered, I doubt I would have survived college without you all. You all do not get nearly enough credit for the work you do, from the all nighters in the shop, to the endless time spent designing and redesigning the car, you all are phenomenal and have contributed to something far greater than a racecar, you’ve all built a legacy. This past year you all accomplished more than the team has in the past decade and I couldn’t be prouder! I can’t wait to see what you all do next year with the KMR14 at competition!! THANK YOU FOR BUILDING COOL ASS CARS!!! WITHOUT YOU, ALL THE BIDDIES WOULD BE LOST. #cookiegrams4life #becauseracecar #2ndplaceinCOST….ALSO, AYAN NASIR I LOVE YOU <3

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Despite my recent enlightenment about the joys of the absence of cheese from the lives of people who suffer from hypolactasia, I sadly don’t think I could ever give up something that can provide me as much pleasure in public that is socially-acceptable as cheese could.

One thing to do before graduating: Take the time to explore campus and the city. Stay up all night just talking to someone even if youre supposed to be finishing an assignment, don’t worry, you’ll get it done. Get to know at least one of your professors. Hang out with kids in Formula SAE! Join student government for at least one year. Don’t let the name of your college define your experience.

Any regrets? I wonder what my life would be like if I was as consistent with school as I am with my student activities involvement, said NO ONE EVER. Don’t forget that grades are just a letter and one assignment won’t destroy your future, but one experience or activity could open up a world of opportunity. I do, however, wish I had spent more time exploring the city and less time being afraid of the weather here #AZprobs

Carolyn Ruvkun

Bwog-wisdom’s back: Carolyn Ruvkun, former creative editor and provider of good feelings, both on Bwog and in general.

Name, Hometown, School: Carolyn Ruvkun, NYC, Columbia College

Claim to Fame? Nightline, Puppy Coalition, green flags, Bwog tags.

Where are you going? Home to cuddle with my dog, play the piano, and procrastinate from becoming a real person reflect. I need some chill time that’s not just confined to scattered guilty hours between various commitments crowding my planner. That’s all been very exciting and productive, but now it’s time to process.

And maybe I’ll eventually start a Jewish food truck called Knish & Tell.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. I’ve come to respect my parents so much more professionally, but I’ve also seen their emotional vulnerabilities in ways I didn’t recognize when I lived with them. Some of my most important conversations over the past four years have been with people in my family who have divulged their own struggles. Caring for and comforting your elders can seem like a jarring inversion of some natural order. But these difficult moments have made my family relationships feel more reciprocal and real. In short, call your bubbe.
• 2. Sit in the front row, so you won’t be distracted by the ridiculousness that appears on other people’s computer screens. I once witnessed a girl ordering a Vajazzling kit during lecture. She pulled out her credit card and everything.
• 3. If you turn on Netflix subtitles, you can understand the words while eating pretzels.

Back in my day…I thought I knew a lot more than I really did. But the more I learned, the more I realized how little I know. I’m leaving Columbia with few answers but better questions. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. After all, college shouldn’t validate your existing knowledge but put it in perspective.

Also, I went to H&H every Sunday morning for the best bagels in New York, crossing signs had words instead of pictures, hashtags and gifs didn’t exist, and seniors seemed very old.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I can’t, really. When I was 5, I asked my Mom if I was just a Barbie in someone else’s Dream House, so this redeeming an authentic existence thing has been plaguing me for a while.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Nightline, thank you for teaching me how to listen and for making me feel heard. My most rewarding and devastating moments have happened on calls: the satisfaction of having a stranger on the other side of the line tell you they feel better, and the fear of not being able to help as much as I wish I could’ve. Callers, thank you for your courage. It’s heartbreaking to hear how isolated people feel in their struggles when usually I’ve talked to someone else who has gone through the exact same thing. Please know you deserve to feel awesome.

Honorable mensch-en to my Bayit family.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Depends on the consistency.

One thing to do before graduating: Stress can offer the necessary urgency to get shit done—you get gutsy when you’ve got your feet to the fire. Still, in excess it can be crippling. Some much wiser Nightline peeps taught me a trick to prepare yourself for those moments: dog-ear book passages you find uplifting, bookmark videos that make you laugh, or create a playlist of songs that make you wanna bust a move, so when self-doubt strikes you’ve already created a safety net. It’s valuable to reach out to others, but it’s crucial to find ways to support yourself. Give yourself routines, whether that means going to a weekly religious service, strumming your ukulele or folding your laundry like an adult. The clothes get wrinkled otherwise.

Any regrets? I regret that time I slid down the Butler banister and then smashed into a grad student carrying a stack of unstapled papers.

Constance Boozer

Name, Hometown, School: Constance Boozer; Jackson, Mississippi; Columbia College

Claim to fame? I engaged in CPRevelry and oversaw the transformation of countless U-Writing essays into articles as the EIC of the Columbia Political Review, coined the phrase Jim Yong Kim is “a rapping spaceman,” covered and broke some nom-nom-nom news in MoHi, was that girl from Alabama, and even had my unparalleled poster holding skills documented in the Staten Island Advance.

Where are you going? For the summer, I have a job as a researcher in NYC for a group that advocates for gun policy reform. In September, I’m shipping off to math camp as I start to earn my Masters of Public Policy in the birthplace of politics (Chicago). After that graduation, I am hoping to mosey onto a campaign during the 2016 election cycle.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1) Many times success requires taking risks and a willingness to fail in your endeavors. If you have not literally and metaphorically tripped and fallen on your ass a few times, you have not truly taken advantage of what Columbia and what life have to offer.
• 2) It’s ok to hate Columbia at times. It’s not ok to ignore the reasons why you hate Columbia. If walking around campus does not give you some sense of joy on a semi-regular basis, it’s time to figure out what makes you happy and shake up your life a little. You may have an intense hatred of in-class exams and blue books. (In that case, choose seminars over lectures). You may enjoy going below 110th street every once in a while. (In that case, intern, work, volunteer, befriend more people who venture off campus, etc.). And you may prefer not having mice in your room. (Not much you can do about that one. A possible course of action is putting food in a trashcan to lure the mouse into the receptacle and then cover the brim with a Milano bag until the rodent stops jumping. It is safe to assume that said creature is now deceased. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to get it out of the dorm). In short, awareness of how you best function and being proactive about maintaining those parameters is a road to happiness in any environment – especially Columbia.
• 3) Electrolytes are your friend. To work, to try, and to play hard – chug a bottle of Gatorade every day.

Back in my day… Grabbing a slice of Pinnacle pizza was not necessarily behavior worthy of concern or judgment, buying groceries at JJs with Dining Dollars was a thing (at least for me), and installing Wi-Fi in John Jay was a supposedly impossible feat.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Lit Hum, CC, and Nobility and Civility II have taught me that it is impossible to succinctly justify my existence. That being said, I’ll let history be the judge.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: You came, you studied, you partied, and now you’ve just graduated. Class of 2013 – you put me in absolute awe during Days on Campus, and I have never had more admiration, reverence, and respect for a group of individuals as I do now as we go our separate ways. There honestly are no limits to what my fellow classmates are capable of doing, and I cannot wait to see you defy the expectations of our imaginations. Congratulations!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Columbia alum Clifton Fadiman once said, “Cheese is milk’s leap towards immortality.” In my humble opinion, Cheez-its is cheese’s leap towards immortality realized in vending machines in these days of modernity.

One thing to do before graduating: Talk to at least one individual you avoided/who avoided you as an awkward freshie/sophomore/junior/senior. Social competency is a gradual process, and everyone makes mistakes. I’m doing my best not to go all post-modern-y, but most of the time rudeness or avoidance on campus is just a product of miscommunication. When in doubt, just smile.

Any regrets? Of course, but that’s the only way we learn from life. My only real regrets are making the same mistakes twice. Like many before me, I regret not meeting more of you and not spending more time with the people I do know. If you ever bump into me, say hello. I’d like to meet you.

I hate white wine.

Name, Hometown, School: Alex; Lenexa, KS; CC

Claim to fame? JJ12 OG. I’m convinced that my dorm room was featured in V117. I may be partially responsible for making Bwog blindingly white.

Where are you going? Slightly south. I’ll be living on the UWS as I work in the city. Some kind souls saw fit to provide me with gainful employment. Maybe I’ll knock off some of those red zeros that follow the negative sign on Mint.com.

Three things I learned at Columbia:

1. To love the Core. It’s not exhaustive, and it’s not perfect, but it has no such pretensions (or at least shouldn’t). What people most often mistake when criticizing the Core is that the curriculum is not intended to cover certain, critical subjects so much as it is designed to introduce and develop modes of thought (philosophical, literary, musical, etc.). I may be wrong, but the western bias isn’t so much essential as it is convenient. We should embrace the exercise on its own merit, and then seek to apply whatever we take away in all other areas.
2. To embrace ambiguity. I loved my philosophy professors and history classes, but I’m pretty sure that the two years of German language classes I took were the most impactful from a non-intellectual standpoint. Against all intellectual inclination, we must sometimes discard well-devised plans and allow ourselves to be subject to the whimsy of chance.
3. That life isn’t graded. There is significant value to what we learn in terms of subject matter and intellectual skill in the classroom, but at graduation all you get is a fancy piece of paper (but not actually) and a fraction to list somewhere on your resume. While at Columbia, what is vastly more important is how you engage with the community and define your place inside it. During NSOP, we were inducted into a great community of students, staff, faculty, and administrators. Learning how to best service that community is a challenge on par with any you can find in a classroom.

Back in my day… 

• The College had a sharp, generous, fair, considered, eloquent, BAMF as Dean, and she didn’t insult the greatest liberal arts community in the world with darn-diddley quizzes about worthless minutia.
• JJ’s Place was a miniature supermarket where you could use monopoly money.
• Windows in John Jay could be opened so that occupants could enjoy a full torrent of fresh air above the jungle floor below.
• The world still had Steve Jobs and Christopher Hitchens.
• Obama was President.
• The economy was terrible.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: My father drove me to soccer practice when I was a single digit. He once told me that the secret to success was being different. Typical attitudes are worth less.

Write a CU admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Most would think that there is nothing but disdain between us. I mean, at times there probably was. There is no doubt; I did you wrong. But you can do things that make me go wild. 67 Orange?

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I honestly can’t imagine life without pizza, Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese, or mozz sticks.

To the freshmen/others: many things to do before graduating:

1. Declare yourself free. By that I mean understand your own capacity for responsibility, free from determination by expectation or circumstance. You chose to come to Columbia, but now, and at every point of possible inflection, you must choose to succeed, whatever that means to you. You choose to be in Butler on a Saturday night, and you choose to write a thesis. I think we need to do better as a community identifying who is ultimately responsible for good and bad decisions. We WAY overcomplicate the matter far too often.
2. Become a patron. There will be a time—somewhere in between your freshman floor’s first collective 40s order from Crackdel and the near-graduation scramble to find out who’s staying in the city—that you need a cup of coffee and a smile from a guy you know only as “bud”. Tom’s has a reasonably priced breakfast menu that suits this purpose wonderfully.
3. Study abroad, if only for a summer.
4. Become obsessed. Dive into something and lose sight of everything else. Indulge is your own personal brand of idealism, and compromise nothing.
5. Serve somebody. Early on, identify a cause that you care about, and learn to compromise for that greater good. More often than not in life, somebody else is running the show, and success depends on your ability to follow; not lead.
6. Take a class with Prof. Moody-Adams. Also: Foner, Jackson, Jones, both Kitchers, and Mercer.

Any regrets?

“Our age is properly the age of critique, and to critique everything must submit.” - Kant

I don’t understand people who have “no regrets, YOLO.” Had I won the lottery, maintained a 4.3, and then landed a job as Obama’s closest confidant, I’m sure there would still remain some events that could have gone better or actions that could have been better planned. To say, “Eh. Good enough: no regrets!” seems lazy to me. Still, we can’t have a mess of regrets that covers every step of prior experience (also the drink is seeping in, and I should cut this short before it gets sloppy).

So, in short, I’d like to simply say that I regret many, many things. I’ve let others and myself down repeatedly, and I apologize for each and every instance. I like to think that the karmic balance sheet finds the aggregate “partially regretful” as opposed to a full blown “failure,” but were I to find myself four years into the past, things would be done differently.

Also: I know and care more about Star Trek than I do some class subjects. I regret not majoring in 24th Century Intra-Galactic Relations.

Claire Sabel

The next Bwogger to pass through the gates of wisdom: Claire Sabel: legend, hero, and former Editor in Chief.

Name, Hometown, School: Claire Sabel, London (UK), CC

Claim to fame? Aspiring polymath, least likely to have run a marathon, Editor of Bwog 2010-11.

Where are you going? Back to Butler, baby. I’ve found a wonderful intellectual mentor in my thesis advisor, who’s agreed to take me on as a research assistant for the time being, so I’ll be around campus this summer, when I’m not in Long Island City speculating about the future. After that, my dream is to take to the parks as an urban ranger (seriously) somewhere in NYC, though it seems a bit inevitable that I’ll eventually end up in graduate school, studying the history of science.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

• 1) Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Fear of being ignorant will only breed more ignorance. You’re much more intelligent, and know a lot less, than you think you are/do. This isn’t just about the classroom—which brings me to my next point.
• 2) Learn from each other. The most enriching conversations I’ve had took place in my suite, at 1020, on the subway, in office hours, reading Senior Wisdoms and Bwog comments. School is as relevant as you make it. It’s not the only thing, but you should make the most of it by engaging it with all the other things. Talk to your professors about what’s going on in your life, not just about homework. Get excited about your friends extracurricular frivolities. Turn off your phone and go exploring.
• 3) Relationships, whether social, intellectual, romantic, professional, or with your self (don’t forget this one!) require work, deliberation, and attention. Cultivate them, and appreciate them. Live with people you don’t know, but would like to. Make standing appointments, and establish rituals that incorporate generous helpings of coffee and Die Antwoord.
• 4) I still have no idea what my priorities are but I know that I have some. It’s okay if you don’t have them all worked out, but don’t leave them unconsidered.

Back in my day….There was no discussion of “wellness,” no FemSex, no Nutella, no NoCo, no Mels, no Spectrum. There was nothing scary about growing up, and I returned every text message and then some. My attention span had not yet bifurcated into increments of either 5 minutes or 5 hours.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I am a good friend.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: First of all, I am sympathetic to CU admirers, kind of, but you should really, really suck it up and say this stuff in person. Imagine how amazing it would feel to have someone speak aloud, to your face, some of the wonderful appreciation that website has encouraged. Good right? Don’t you want to give that to someone else? I’ve tried to make that a regular practice. People seem to like it. Anyway, I’d like to thank James the Hawk-watcher for very occasional but inspiring conversations, reminding me to look up and around, that Morningside Heights is a beautiful place to live, that talking to strangers on the street is right; Everyone that has ever eaten food I’ve made, or made food for me; everyone who has made or broadcast music for public benefit; Patrick, Antonio, and Maria of Ruggles, River, and Claremont for the best smiles.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? One thing most people don’t know about me is that I’m incredibly indecisive. I’ve known this question was looming since the day I turned in my editor’s invisibility cloak, and I can honestly say I just don’t know. But it’s about the journey, not the destination right? I’m glad that I will carry this burden with me on the path to enlightenment.

One thing to do before graduating: Have purpose, and lots of sleepovers.

Any regrets? Okay I gotta give it to one of my most special accomplices in life who once wrote, “Have regrets! But don’t let them eat you up.” This is so right. So I mostly regret having regrets. I guess I regret not being able to get to the point without a preamble; I regret not realizing the value of being a more critical, active listener sooner. I regret not taking more classes, and not taking fewer classes. Thinking that I needed to have it all. That time I had bangs.

Logan Donovan

Here’s Logan Donovan, who Athletics should really get in contact with. Congratulations!

Name, Hometown, School: Logan Donovan; Nellysford, VA and New York, NY; SEAS CS

Claim to fame? I was on ESC and spent most of my time doing policy work. I co-wrote Columbia’s Medical Amnesty Policy, got the undergraduate schools to come together, and pushed for pass/fail for non-technical electives in SEAS.

Where are you going? Right now I am traveling around the country for the summer skydiving to make up for all of the jumps I didn’t do during the school year. Starting in September I will be working at a startup called pingMD as a software developer here in the city. Looking forward to finally having time to hang out with everyone who will still be in the city since I never had time during school.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. There are far too many amazing clubs to participate in or awesome people to meet here; you have to be deliberate about your time. Do your best to talk to your friends and watch school events to see what is available. If something seems interesting try it out. If you don’t make a concerted effort, the semester will have flown by and you’ll still be wishing that you had gotten involved. That being said, you only have so much time, choose wisely.
   
2. The people are the most amazing thing about this school. This place is very stressful; we even won an award for it, though their methodology is extremely questionable. When everything starts getting to you remember that your friends are there for even if you think you are just bothering them. Chances are everyone around you is feeling the same way and you’ll remember all of the late night conversations and adventures that you’ll have way more than whatever work you were doing.
3. a. SEAS has an odd place at Columbia. We don’t overlap in coursework with any of the other schools, which I think allows us to duck some of the bigger tensions that exist between the schools. We end being proverbially patted on the head by other students who say it’s cute that you never leave Mudd. While we are in one of the undergraduate schools, in reality we are not separated from the graduate school of engineering in a meaningful way, especially when it comes to junior and senior classes. In some ways this is good things because we get more research opportunities but the mixing of students often creates a lot more tension in the end, despite what people say everyone does care about grades. Talk to your professors, TAs, and especially other students. Don’t let anything take away from your classes. Buckle down, find a few people in your class and hang out while you do your work. Debating problems with them will teach you far more than you would have learned in class and you won’t feel as isolated here. There is also a fine line between discussing a problem and telling someone how to do it, don’t cross it. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by not actually learning the material.

b. During your time here you will at times feel like you rule the world and at others that the test you just bombed is the end of the world. It happens to everyone, take a deep breath and go and get some food with some friends. I promise, in the end everything will be fine. Also, during your time here you will have many accomplishments and they are worth celebrating… responsibly.

c. Professors are more important than the class subject; you are paying a lot of money to be here so it’s important to get something out of class. Also for all of the engineering students who only want to take math and science classes make wise use of your humanities electives, they are worthwhile. Also, take CC or Lit Hum instead of Global Core, they are great classes and being in SEAS is not an excuse to be a bad writer.

Back in my day… I went to a school where 20,000 people crowded into a football stadium most Saturdays in the fall to sing the Good Ole Song, I miss the school spirit not the sundresses. I looked forward to being prepared for the “real-world” like all the 4th years I knew (there are no seniors at UVA, TJ believed that educated was a lifelong pursuit).

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I have jumped out of a combination of planes, helicopters, and even a hot air balloon 736 times while I’ve been enrolled at Columbia. No, I’m not crazy; I enjoy the feeling of flight. One day I want to jump into a Columbia Homecoming game and land on the field with the game ball – Athletics, we should talk.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Professor David Vallencourt, for honestly believing in students and wanting to improve our experience here. He believes that engineering should be exciting and hands on. Endlessly trudging through theory doesn’t always keep students motivated and engineering is about building cool things, we should do more of that.

My former CSA advisor Dawn Strickland for all of the support. Without it, I wouldn’t be graduating on time.

To my fellow students, who continually inspire me with all of your amazing achievements and general awesomeness, thank you for being my friends, supporting me, and helping to motivate me.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese

One thing to do before graduating: Make an effort to get to know at least one new person in each of your classes. Go get coffee or tea or whatever they drink. It’s so easy to go to class every day and sit next to the same people and not even know their name. Especially in engineering where all of your classes are with the same people.

Any regrets? Not having asked for help when I needed it, both with personal and academic issues. Meeting so many people in my last semester here that I wish I could have been hanging out with for the last 3 years. Not doing graphics for Spectator or joining ADI or SAE… the list goes on. No matter how hard you try, you can’t do everything while you’re here. I chose one path through Columbia, and it was the one that I needed to take at the time, so ultimately, I’m happy with it.

Allie Curry

For the first Senior Wisdom on this Commencement Day, we bring you the wonderful Allie Curry, senior editor at The Blue and White.

Name, Hometown, School: Allie Curry; Bismarck, North Dakota; Columbia College

Claim to fame? I like words. Acquaintances most often call me out for arguing against Helen, that yes, you should tap that. 

n.b.: I was right.

Where are you going?  “Avenue of the Americas” and the early 50s by way of Bed-Stuy. I started work three weeks ago—does that mean I’ve already arrived? Also: since when do people pay me for my hard work? Asking for a friend.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Conversational French/Spanish/Poststructuralist (literary) theory
2. Television can be intelligent.
3. Irony is a mechanism by which my friends and I deflect or diminish our our own emotions—which are TERRIFYING, but also mean something, and therefore, should be trusted.

Back in my day… Swine Flu was a thing and people listened to music featuring acoustic instruments. Trader Joe’s on 72nd didn’t exist, the distinction between leggings and pants was so much clearer, and WE DIDN’T KNOW THERE WOULD BE ANOTHER ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON. I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE: HISTORY IS PROGRESSIVE, GUYS!!!!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I find James Franco’s handshake weak.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: @AjayChaudhary and students of CC, section 54: I was dumb not to say anything in class for like most of the year, because you guys actually changed my life. And I didn’t even get the Star Trek references. Radiohead, though.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese. NEXT.

One thing to do before graduating: Give yourself a deadline of two weeks. Enlist no more than three or four friends and dedicate your underage selves, earnestly, to finishing at least half of a box of Franzia each in those two weeks. Acceptable applications: V-Show, Bacchanal, Club Butler (“New York’s hottest club is…”) and your term paper, John Jay, etc.

Any regrets? Oh my god, I have a million regrets, very few of which are worth articulating in the space of this post. Trite, but I should have made several friends sooner; I should have drank more; I should have shat on the Upper Midwest less. Since we’re on the subject, as of late, I’ve been repping Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem hard. By way of oversharing “On Keeping a Notebook”, I think she’s right:

“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

Remember your past selves, allow for change, and make your memories with others. Best of luck, guys.

Remember: tonight the Empire State Building will be lit up Columbia blue and white. And more importantly, Bwog is proud of you.

PrezBo:

• “It is a well-known fact: the smarter you are, the more you can procrastinate.”
• “I sometimes imagine I’m president of a dating service.”
• “Being at a university means never saying ‘well that’s just what I believe.’” … “Imagine how different the world would be if people entered conversations willing to change their opinion.”
• “I believe no generation has faced a world with more promise than yours right now.”
• “I hope you will always remain the brilliant students you have been with us.”

Deantini: “The pen is mightier than the sword, but we know Columbia College students are mighty good with both the pen and the sword.”

Goldean: “They are the hardhatted, hammer-waving students who will lead the world in engineering and applied sciences.”

DSpar: “The brilliant, the bold, the dazzling, and the ever beautiful women of Barnard College.”

Dean Awn: “These students are deeply indebted…..to the faculty!”

George L. Van Amson (Chair of CAA): “Stand Columbia as Columbia stands with you.”

Check out the moment of graduation for CC, SEAS, GS, and SIPA.

Happy graduates and that guy’s head.

Fortunately, PrezBo’s hair weathered the extreme heat of today’s College graduation ceremonies. A little after 9:30 am today, the class of 2013 marched with their gowns sticking to their sweaty under thighs. The Salutatorian, Yoshiaki Ko, made the first speech of the morning, discussing the “nexus” that Low Steps become when it’s nice out and the intellectual and social connectedness of the student body and the university at large. Terrence McNally, class of ’60, proceeded to give the Keynote address (highlights are after the jump). After student awards, Deantini urged the class of 2013 to “remember the imperative, ‘Roar, Lion, Roar,” and PrezBo promised to keep it brief in light of his speech for tomorrow’s University Commencement. Class President, Ryan Mandelbaum, started his speech by taking a selfie at the podium and provided insights on his freshman self’s “shearling lined Crocs.” Hands were shook, pins were given and names were read, the last of which was “Beyoncé Knowles” (this actually happened) which is apparently the proper phonetic pronunciation of Meriam Raouf‘s name. You know it’s unbelievable when a parenthetical disclaimer is necessary. Congrats CC 2013!

Speech Highlights: Yoshiaki Ko (Salutatorian): ” How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer is 76. One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.”

Terrence McNally (Keynote Speaker): “The only advice I have is: Be nicer to people. Wash your hands more frequently. Count to 100 at least twice before asking someone to marry you. Don’t put compromising photos of yourself on Facebook. That’s about it.”

“My professors told me that the greatest thoughts were inside these buildings with the most exciting, exuberant city outside, so I felt justified in skipping my classes…and this carried through for the next four years.”

“In the Eisenhower years, we didn’t talk about who was gay…but there was a hell of a lot of wondering. I was out but I felt alone…but I didn’t want to live my life secretively and furtively…but times have changed in my 50 years, in my lifetime.”

“I still have recurring nightmares that I’m a Senior and I haven’t opened a book the entire semester and exams and term papers are due in the morning. Fortunately, I always wake up before I drown myself in a Low Library fountain.”

“My senior year I wrote the Varsity Show. It was about cannibals and celebrities who deserve to be eaten…today it would be the Kardashians…”

“I’m not smarter than everyone I know. I just received a superior education—my Harvard and Yale friends would agree.”

“We need the class of 2013 to show us what else must be done to make this a more perfect planet. Let us make the future our friend.”

Deantini: “This is the greatest College in greatest University in the world.”

“It was believed that commencement addresses were important because students shouldn’t be released into the world until properly sedated.”

“The best  use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.” (quoting William James)

“Work hard, try hard, play hard…I know you’re all Columbia students so you’re probably thinking, play? What’s play?”

“College walk doesn’t go just from Amsterdam to Broadway, but around the world.”

PrezBo: “However much other Universities claim to have a core, none’s come close to Columbia’s.”

“Keep this educational experience alive and well.”

Ryan Mandelbaum: “Daft Punk released a new album and a song on it goes, [singing] “ We’ve come too far, to give up who we are, so let’s raise the bar, and our cups to the stars.” I chose this song mainly because the day I wrote this speech, James Bennet told me to quote Kanye West’s Good Morning, “homie this ‘stuff” is basic, welcome to Graduation,” but there are a lot of curses and the entire first verse is about cheating on all your tests.”

“If you look back on Facebook posts or tweets or emails from Freshman year, it will be excruciatingly painful.”

“Some of us will have to wake up at 8 am to do something other than pregame for Bacchanal.”

“Never change and don’t give up who you are.”

Josh Johnson

Name, Hometown, School: Josh Johnson; Uniondale, NY; Columbia College

Claim to fame? Co-chairman of the Black Student’s Group Consortium (shoutouts to my brothers and sisters in the struggle, cuz it’s real), Uris Pool Lifeguard, and Intramural Champion (I go hard in the paint!). Also my partying skills are legendary, I’ve perfected ancient the art of the fist-pump and my turn up is just mean bruh!

Where are you going? I’m heading back to Strong Island for the summer to study for the MCAT, which means I’m going to med school…someway/somehow. After that, I’ll hopefully be recharging my batteries on the crystal clear beaches of my not-so-distant homeland, Jamaica.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Speak up. Let’s face it Columbia is far from perfect. When issues arise in academic or social settings we should be vocal about our emotions and demand better from classmates, faculty, admin, etc. There’s no shame in being “that kid” in class who always brings up racism, sexism, classism and whatever other –isms exist. Chances are you are not alone in your experiences here at Columbia and the more you speak up the more encourage others to do the same.
   
2. Make your own path. Being a part of the rat race is just no fun. Take the time out to be an individual and to appreciate your differences. Yeah I’m pre-med but I’ve never set foot in a lab outside the few I was required to take for class and I’m also an Ethnicity & Race major. I managed to find multiple ways in which I could mix my love of medicine with my interests in all those –isms I spoke about before. Basically though, you just gotta do you.
3. Appreciate the little things. This is probably something that has been/will be reiterated by most of my fellow seniors. Savor every moment you spend with friends outside of class or Butler. Don’t be afraid to spend that extra hour in the dining hall, take that last minute trip downtown, or skip a few classes to chill on the steps.

Back in my day… $500 dining dollars was a thing. Having an Ethernet cord for Internet access was absolutely necessary. We had at least one minority/female Dean of either CC or SEAS. Courseworks looked like a website straight up out the year 1996. Frat Row actually had fraternities on it. Deantini was teaching us how to use the periodic table.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I work hard and I party slightly harder. And I’m part of what is possibly the best group of friends to ever set foot on College Walk.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To the University maintenance staff: You keep Columbia up and running and there aren’t many avenues for us to show our appreciation for you. So thanks for doing what you do day in and day out.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese who?

One thing to do before graduating: Go to happy hour during finals week. Trust me.

Any regrets? Can’t say I do. That’s not to say I’ve done all things perfectly here. In fact, I’m more often the opposite of perfect and I make more mistakes than I can count. But I’m here, and I’m graduating and not too many people who look like I do or come from where I come from can say the same. So with that, no I have no regrets.