Dear Bwog is back! But we’re changin’ it up a little this time. First you’ll hear from Bwog’s self-proclaimed ”decent heterosexual male Suzy May.” Then, one of our Bwoggals weighs in. Bwog…we have a split personality! Send in your own trials and tribulations to tips@bwog.com.

Dear Bwog,

My T.A. just asked me out via e-mail:

Hope the exam went well for you on Monday. I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee sometime?

See you soon,
xxxx

What should I do?!

Sincerely,
Titillated at Teacher’s College

Read more…

Quick – get your Tamagotchi African villager avatar – lest you be trapped by your own limited, soon-to-be-obsolete pen-and-paper way of learning.

Watch out for them drugs, kids! You might end up accidentally cheating by outsourcing your work to yourself.

An awkwardly short list of nothing particularly awkward or noteworthy.

Riot grrl#~~!!*

Oh! The shame!

There’s nothing like naïve young hopefuls to feed our raging narcissism.

We know how to procrastinate, thank you very much.

Speak for yourself while you revel in your awkward ways.

How to lie, cheat and steal your way through midterms.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Columbia celebrates Love in all its shapes and forms. Today, Bwog’s bawdy buffoonery expert Hannah Goldstein reports on Chowdah’s tribute to the all-too-familiar awkward sexual side of Cupid’s holiday in the comedy club’s latest show, Sextravaganza.

At least among college students, sex humor never really gets old. (If you don’t agree, try turning to the numerous snow penises on campus after yesterday’s storm.) As far as comedy goes, sex just happens to make for a pretty dependable source of laughs. It should come as no surprise, then, that the most successful sketches at Chowdah’s Valentine’s Day Sextravaganza all revolved around hypersexual setups and easy one-liners: there were strangers at a bar exchanging embarrassingly bad pickup lines, dogs mating in bizarre tantric positions, and couples engaging in a very literal sort of role play. “There’s a lot of sex,” said Lily Feinn, BC ’10, who happened to play some of the funnier parts in these sketches. “[In the show,] I have sex with a lot of people.” Read more…

2013, you’ve just arrived on campus, and we know it’s rough out there. Orientation is awkward. You don’t know these people. You have to play Two Truths and A Lie and decide what color M&M you would be. “Wait, blue?! ZOMG, me too!”

So while you desperately try to settle in, consider what your comrades at other colleges are being forced to do for their orientations. You are not alone.

• The kids at Brown, who are probably engaging in their daily nude roll in the mud right about now, are grouped into tables for certain meals according to interests. There’s a ‘Would You Rather?’ table, one for Computer Science & Gaming, and worse still, one for Philosophy. Brown also hosts a First-Year (hey, that’s what we call them!) Festival, where 2013-ers will have the chance to “speed meet” their classmates and then sing karaoke in front of them.  Plus, the “stalk Emma Watson” game might grow stale around Wednesday.

• Freshmen at Wesleyan can but pray that this year’s Orientation will include a few highlights from 2012: a square dance and group skit performances, complete with multiple rounds of rehearsals.

• NYU’s Tisch started off Orientation with a bang: on their first night in the big city, Tisch students were treated to an activity they will soon find as natural as breathing: attending a loft party! Instead of a deserted warehouse in Bushwick, however, NYU is holding its Freshman ‘Loft Party’ in the slightly more upscale Rosenthal Pavilion on Washington Square South.

• Carleton College introduces new students to the library with a Clue-inspired murder mystery. Actually, who are we kidding, that sounds kinda awesome.
  

• Johns Hopkins may well take the cake on excruciating orientation activities. For starters, there’s a ‘Pajama Jam Dance Party.’ Next up, the most insanely awful Orientation activity we found: an obstacle course titled ‘Stay the Course: The Beer Goggles Challenge.’ Let the description speak for itself: Don’t think alcohol can impair your abilities? Take the beer goggles challenge and navigate an obstacle course wearing the infamous “drunk goggles”. Can you find your way B.A.C home?

As if AlcoholEdu wasn’t punishment enough. Say goodbye to your parents, and be happy you’re not in Baltimore.

- ECS

Last week, campus welcomed the heroic return of its illustrious talon-wielding raptor mascot and friend, Hawkmadinejad. Bwog got so excited at the prospect of an extended stay by our friend at Columbia this fall that we jumped in on all of the hooplah by creating a Hawkmadinejad 1977 Prom Photoshop Contest in his honor.

This is just a friendly reminder to send along any renderings of the winged wonder and perhaps a special friend at their 1977 prom to us here at Bwog.  So, if Butler’s got you a little woozy or you can’t bear studying for that final midterm any more, take a quick break, procrastinate a bit, and send us your favorite likeness of Hawkmadinejad and friend!

All submissions are due by this Wednesday at 11:59 PM to bwog@columbia.edu, and Bwog continues to rack its collective brain to decide on an exciting and creative prize for the winner of this affair, one of our favorite Photoshop contests.  

PrezBo’s infamous Ahmadinejad opener has gotten bad press before, but never quite this bad: he beat out David Hasselhoff, David Vitter, Rosie, Paris, Miss Teen South Carolina, Caroline Giuliani, and (wait for it) BRITNEY SPEARS for most awkward moment of 2007, according to TIME‘s top 10 list. 

Maybe he should stick to hair extensions and a sparkling lingerie ensemble next time? 

In the grand tradition of Columbia media outlets, CTV News has released a guide to everything you need to know to go here, an 11-minute broadcast that’s been split into six bite-sized videos for your viewing convenience. Bwog brings you the CliffNotes to the highlights.

Most Useful: Year in Review

Judging by the class of 2011 Facebook community, there’s a chance that most incoming freshmen have been eagerly tracking any and all Columbia-related news for the past year. For anyone who hasn’t, this video summarizes what CTV has deemed to be “the biggest events that” transpired between fall 2006 and spring 2007 (read: “One scandal after another”). Watch this if you’ve somehow forgotten about the  Minutemen, if you want to see a dramatic cut from a Columbia staff webpage that includes a picture of disgraced former Associate Dean of Financial Aid David Charlow to a webpage that’s Charlow-less, or if you like gratuitous firedancing clips.

Most Awkward Ending: Student Government

“And the votes are in: student government wins as one of the best ways to get

involved in leadership on campus. So what are you waiting for? The polls are

waiting!”

Most Heartwarming: Senior Advice

Faces from the past! Awww.

Least Useful: Tie between Eating in Morningside Heights and Extracurricular Activities

The main problem with Extracurricular Activities is that it’s too vague; after noting that there are “more than 200 student clubs on campus,” CTV reporter Allison Yang proceeds to quickly list a few as the camera lingers over their websites. In “Eating,” Jason Alarcon rev
eals that our neighborhood is home to several restaurants “and even supermarkets!” He then randomly spotlights a few restaurants in the Columbia area, including Strokos, Artopolis (which apparently serves ‘savory desserts,’ a phrase any Top Chef aficionado will recognize as an oxymoron), and Massawa. This video’s greatest crime is perpetuating the myth that there’s anything redeeming about Koronet slices other than being sickeningly huge.



Longest Clip of Austin Quigley Speaking: Administrators to Know

Umm… yeah.

Curious about the students who will swarm our hallowed halls come September? You know, the most recent “smartest class ever“? Never fear– staffer Lucy Tang wades into the muck so you don’t have to. Her report:

If you thought the class of 2010 was annoying with their Myspace groups, discussion threads that provided too much information about various (non)existent sex lives, endless facebook groups that multiplied overnight, and random friend requests– which all resulted in the retaliatory group “Class of 2010 PLEASE calm down… you’re not even here yet!”– then you’re going to love the class of 2011.

Their main facebook group already boasts 1,138 members, 357 photos, 353 discussion posts, and an overabundance of eagerness and naivete. We all remember the feeling of excitement and fear before coming to school, but what did people do before facebook existed? Maybe they kept their thoughts inside and made friends face to face orientation week and in classes? Hm?

Brace yourself for a quick overview of the groups that have sprouted up: Read more…

It’s nice to know that, when our biology makes life difficult, Columbia Health Services is there for us.

Thanks to John Klopfer for the tip.