Bwog presents the winners of the Philolexian Society’s 24th Annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest. We hear it was positively painful to your ears.

Winner: “Balloon Boy by Philip Glass” by Edward Rueda (CC’05), with Everett Patterson (CC’06), 2009 Kilmer Laureate

1st Runner-Up: “Ballad of the Frozen Heart” by Laura Baur-Jaronowski (CC’06)

2nd Runner-Up: “Hamilton and Madison” by Alec Webley (SAS’11, UPenn)

Dishonorable Mention: “Stalker, a Love Poem” by Marley Weiner (BC’10)

Dishonorable Mention: “Tubular” by Samantha Kuperberg (BC’10)

Dishonorable Mention: “Chinese Teashop Rap” and “Crime and Punishment Rap” by Dexter Thompson-Pomeroy (CC’12)

Dishonorable Mention: Untitled math sonnets by Adam Levine (GSAS)

Dishonorable Mention: “If God, Then: Newark, New Jersey. Or: Up, Up, Down, Right, Left, Dog Poop. Or: God/Jay Michaelson: The Antichrist?” by Michal Richardson (BC’06)

The texts, audio clips, pictures, and even a video of the winner, will all be posted on Phlog in the next couple days. Check regularly for updates!

The Hapa Club will be hosting their grandly named “Fusion Party” tonight at 7:00 PM in Lerner C555.  For only $5, you’ll have the chance to sample a variety of ethnic foods prepared by the Culinary Society and cheer on Dhoom and Orisha as they perform.

Afterward, head to Lehman Auditorium in Altschul at 8:00 PM to appreciate poetry that would make your high school newspaper cringe.  It’s the 24th annual Bad Poetry Contest, brought to you by the Philolexian Society.

Nothing will ever be as romantic as a True Columbia Date, but you might be able to get away with it, just this once.

 The Philolexian Society’s 21st Annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest announced their winners! The winning poem goes to “Psalm” by Yonah Lemonik, CC ’08 and the first runner’s up goes to “Leftovers” by Jonah Bloch-Johnson CC ’08 (as “Phillip Hutchinson”) and Phyllis Ma CC ’09.

Since Bwog is in the mood for wishing hearty Congratulations (and using too many exclamation points), Congratulations to Yonah, Jonah, and Phyllis! Your bad verse is an inspiration!

Thanks to Raza for the tip!

Read the poems after the jump.

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