The new “Man Isle” at Westside Market, dedicated to stocking stereotypical “bro fare,” has received quite a bit of attention. The LA Times, The Atlantic, The Huffington Post, Fox News, Jezebel, The New York Post, Yahoo!, The New York Observer, and The NJ Star-Ledger have all reported on the condom-bearing, hot sauce laden aisle, which also carries Doritos, razors, beef jerky, and a solid selection of deo. Our own Bijan Samareh also reports. Kind of.
As I depart my ship and land upon this strange island, one thought courses through my humors: can a brother get some food? I dock my ship on the shore of a rare patch of green called Riverside Park. Humans, clad in bare cloth, run with strange devices in their ear, along with dogs which they command through tiny nooses. I try to congratulate one female on such a Roman display of power, but all I get is a “get away from me you pirate freak!” How dare she call me a pirate! Pirates rape, pillage, and destroy. Explorers do that too, BUT we do so in the name of her majesty colonialism! Everyone knows the world would be a better place if it was Europe. And who let a woman out on her own? With a personal beast to command, nonetheless. I would call for a hanging, but my belly rumbles with dissatisfaction. To the nourishment.
As I walk through the streets of this strange city called “New York” (by the way, what’s wrong with York? Still a fine city if you ask me), enormous shrines to the gods litter every corner. The locals seem to practice some sort of polytheism in which each god has his or her own temple. Popularity lies with the ones named “Pinkberry,” “Five Guys,” and “Havana Central.” I believe the former two are gods of some sort of hedonism, as the worshipers stuffs their faces with meat and frozen cream. And “Havana Central?” I’ve heard of Havana, but all I know it as is a fertile land filled with soulless savages. Good thing we took their sugar. I finally spot a grand display of fruits and vegetables under a tarp labeled “Westside Market”. One step close to sweet gustation.
I grab some sort of apple from the display and take a hearty bite. Ah, you can it eat without slicing it, and finish by nibbling around the core, just like an onion! A man in a black garment with the Westside Market insignia accosts me (he must be pretty high ranking, as he wears some sort of skirt on which rubs the residue from arranging his spoils).
It’s not another M2M night; it’s a night of choice at Columbia.
Students stumbling out of their early Tuesday classes will find a large BBQ spread, courtesy of Live at Lerner, on Low Plaza 
Second breakfast, charcoal, and quaintness – it’s yours on Sunday morning.
Editor’s Note: Hello again! Nice to finally be back up. Unfortunately, our events system might have taken the entire site down with it for the past few days, but our crack team of computer whiz kids finally were able to go in and revive the blog. That, or the blog achieved sentience and decided to watch the first round of March Madness. We’re not sure yet. Anyways, we now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.
CUCR is holding their annual Columbus Day BBQ on the Van Am Quad until 2 PM, and there’s a “Founders Day” one happening on Lehman Lawn. Bwogger Anish Bramhandkar has immortalized the latter free-food glory in the photo on the right.
It’s the coldest Friday of the year so far, but nothing warms you up like good free (or almost free) food. Here’s some options.
Like the candidates’ commitment to service, Bwog’s commitment to free food never wavers. Here are just some of the events this evening for you to fill your stomachs at:
As anyone who has stepped outside in the past hour might have noticed, there are swarms of over-studied, over-worked kids piling out of Butler and Lerner who are descending en masse on the 
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