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B's on Bwoglines

Congress avoids a full government shutdown and passes a last-minute budget deal that plans to cut $38 million from federal spending. While Planned Parenthood and other groups that provide abortions should go relatively unharmed, President Obama admits that “some of the cuts accepted by Democrats ‘will be painful.’” (NYT)

Columbia superstar professor of mathematics and physics Brian Greene appears in the opening of an episode of The Big Bang Theory in a reading for his newest book, The Hidden Reality. Sheldon is not impressed by Greene’s dumbing down of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. (CBS)

A 17-year-old British high school student literally gets bored stiff in class, yawning so widely that she can’t close her mouth! Let this be a lesson to you all: if you’re too tired to go to class, just sleep in. Classroom fatigue could be hazardous to your health! (Daily Mail)

New Yorkers are catching up with Bwog’s love for Hawkmadinejad and taking hawk bird watching to the next level. First, it was a live nest cam of two hawks (Violet and Bobby) nesting outside of NYU President JSex’s office. Now, the new hawk to watch is Pale Male, whose womanizing ways are receiving major attention. (City Room)

Surprise of the century: New Yorkers love brunch. We guess it’s not just a HIMYM thing! This article even gives our beloved Community Food and Juice a shout out. (WSJ)

B Typography via Wikimedia Commons

Our friends at Gawker have taken a liking to one special Barnard gal, and her name is Lizzy Fraser. You might have seen her in your 20th century art class, or, failing that, probably at St. A’s.  According to the gossip site, she’s one of the “Upper Class of 2008,” specifically in the “New Edies” phylum. 

Says Gawker: “The ghost of Edie Sedgwick reincarnate: model, Columbia undergrad, Warholophile and photographer favoring self-portraits of herself surrounded by a minimum of four mirrors in varying sizes and shapes. See lizfraseronline.com.”

Over at Gawker, which time and time again has displayed a curious fascination with the Good Ship Spectator, it seems there’s been a tiff between Speccie Alexandria Symonds and star of MTV’s delightfully realistic The Paper/soon-to-be NYU student Amanda Lorber.

Lorber apparently took issue with Symonds’ review of The Paper published nearly two months ago in the Spec, which characterized Lorber as “a fundamentally lonely girl. Sure, she’s overbearing and annoying, but it’s obvious that it all stems from crippling self-consciousness and a terminally unfulfilled desire to be liked.” Retaliated Lorber to Symonds in a most unkind (and what should be noted as formerly private) email:

“I’m not saying I don’t have enemies, obviously I do. You seem to be one of them, but as I write now, I’m starting to see where it’s coming from. It’s a different kind of jealousy. The type spewed from young women who resent teenage girls that get their names out there. You, Ms. Symonds, are obviously a fundamentally bitter woman. You degrade the work ethic and academic values of a 17-year-old in order to cure your self-consciousness and upset at perhaps never being recognized for your work when you’re through with “The Specator.” In fact, if my staff hadn’t been excitedly ‘googling’ every article written about our (national television) show, I would never had come across your disgusting piece.”

Is this finally the NYU-Columbia rivalry we can all get behind? Perchance!

CC Class day, though never a particularly riveting experience, was cold, blustery and, well, boring this year.

The afternoon began with clear skies and salutatorian Julia Kalow, a double major in chemistry and creative writing, whose speech tended toward the latter. She told the story of a writer who informs her friends that she’s written a story with no ending. They balk, as does a snobbish boy in the corner reading the Iliad, who then notices, “Troy hasn’t fallen, the war isn’t over—perhaps the stories didn’t need endings.” Kalow reminded seniors that though they may be graduating, their “illustrious Columbia experience” doesn’t “end when our IDs expire,” or “when the University stops asking us for money.” Rather, it never ends, which was ambiguously comforting.

Following Kalow was Joel Klein, who in 2002 became Chancellor of the New York City Department of Education, and whose speech sounded remarkably like his resume, with assorted quotes from Alan Alda and Theodore Roosevelt thrown in. Read more…

What WAS that last night? 

Now you know. 

Incidentally, Bwog loves videos. If you have original footage of Columbia life, send it on in.

As the weather warms and the tumbleweeds jangle their way down College Walk, a question remains: what’n the hell are all these people still doing here? In what could very well turn out to be the first (or, perhaps, last) of a series, Bwog attempts to answer this question–one interloper at a time. Our first subject is non-interloper Michael, who’s been valiantly guarding the vertical ghost-town known as Carman Hall.

Why are you here?

I’m doing what I do all year round–security. I act as a deterrent.

At this point yes, but international students will be moving in over the next few days.

No. Trust me, when it’s fully occupied it’s hard enough. It’s like a relief for us now.

Interaction between me and the students. I see them when they come straight from high school and I watch them grow. I try to be like a guiding light for them.

The noise. When you get five, six hundred people passing in and out it’s hard to concentrate.

Enlightening! More hard-hitting journalism as the summer progresses…

Addison Anderson writes in… 

just walked into EC, and the security guard has a piece of paper taped on the wall above him with something along the lines of:

The ‘I’m Just That Bored’ Trivia Question of the Day: What is the full name of the marshmallow man who attacked New York City in the movie Ghostbusters?

The consensus on the bwgossip alias is: Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man.

…in related security guard news, boredom can be cured by Plato:

At the Hartley security desk…

Security Guard: “I’m a philosopher.  Philosopher.  Not a preacher.  Thank God I’m not a preacher.  No, preacher is a good job.  Actually, I’m a teacher.  A teacher without any students.”

[Hands ID to student.]

Girl: “OK. Thank you.”

While researching a linguistics paper on Artificial Intelligence, Bwog Correspondent Sara Maria Hasbun came across the websites for the winners of the Loebner Competition, a contest in which judges converse blindly with both humans and computer programs—the prize goes to the machine that bests simulates intelligent conversation. For her paper, Sara decided to try out a little PG cybersex. Let’s just say, they couldn’t keep it up.

Conversation with iGOD

Sara: Are you there, God? Its me, Margaret.
God: I am here, Margaret.
Sara: So God, what are you wearing?
God: Yay. I am a Christian.
Sara: That’s hot. I’m Christian too.
God: You don’t hear that sentiment very often. I am glad we have something (Christian) in common, Margaret.
Sara: So, God. Wanna party?
God: Hmm. GOD rules. Sure, let’s party.
Sara: what would you do if we were alone?
God: Do you think everyone will agree?
Sara: Well, do you want everyone to join in?
God: How about that. If I had it what would I do with it?
Sara: What do you want to do with me, God?
God: I like talking about robots, movies, history, or whatever else you’d like. You must be a man.
Sara: Oh, no. I am a teenage girl, 5’4, long dark hair.
God: Wow! Are you serious? You are a teenage girl 5 4 long dark hair? Is that your job?
Sara: Do you want a job?
God: No thanks but you can send me a donation. Read more…