Just moments ago, a tipster divulged that Public Safety has taken covert and highly controversial new surveillance measures. Implanted on the heavily-trafficked inner doors to what our tipster reveals is called “Brogan” (Broadway/Hogan), this new security system monitors all potentially dangerously displays of bro-ing out. These include, but are not limited to, smuggling 30-racks of Natty-light and Costco-sized containers of Creatine into dorm rooms, wearing any combination of sweatpant-sweatshirt to a class or meal, fist pumping, dougie-ing, and speaking loudly about being the “most jacked dude” in Mel’s/Cannon’s the night prior to aforementioned assertion.

Stare into the unblinking abyss, bros. There’s nowhere left to hide.

Big BROther is watching you.

BroBible: “>

Things to Avoid: Party Fouls

It’s time for midterms, Columbia, and if you haven’t already, pretty soon you will need to study. And if you will need to study, obviously, you will need to procrastinate. And if you need to procrastinate, who better to ask than a bro? This is Bwog’s official guide to online brocrastination:

BroBible: Every bro has a story

• Sample Headline: The 50 Hottest Colombian Women
• Sample Content: “At some point in his life, every man dreams of owning a beautiful, expensive sports car. They’re fast, flashy, and drop panties like its their job.”

Bros Like This Site: Bros like all this shit

• Sample Headline: #89 Hating Hipsters
• Sample Content: “Much like girls in America go down on pretty much anything with a European accent, you better believe that shit works the other way around when bros go abroad. If you can get past the whole armpit hair bullshit, then you should be ready for a nice foreign pounding.”

On The Bro’d: Every Sentence Of Jack Kerouac’s On The Road, Retold For Bros.

• Sample Headline: 62 – Car Surfing And Shotgunning
• Sample Content: “How that RV flew through the Nebraska chode—the chode that sticks out over Colorado! And soon I realized I was for real over Colorado, though not for real in it, but looking southwest toward Denver itself a few hundred miles away. I got stoked as fuck. We shotgunned some Natties.”

Barstool U: By the C- Student for the C- Student

• Sample Headline: Dude Delays Flight 1.5 Hours Because He Refuses To Fly With Woman Pilot
• Sample Content: “Oh what’s that you say Guinness? You don’t have a world record for us to break? Well we’ll just make one the fuck up and break the shit out of it! World’s longest fish taco line bitch!”

MyLifeIsBro: Life is pretty chill today, bro.

• Sample Headline: There are none. Here are some gratuitous links.
• Sample Content: “Just drank a slushie in the shower. It was chill.”

suburban basement via Wikimedia Commons

Why didn’t you think of this first? 

Six CC ’09 gentlemen who met on their pre-Orientation COOP trip have started a blog from their EC townhouse. Designed with a bright red hue to echo their townhouse’s decoration (“as if McDonald’s built a ski chalet”). Casting reformed gender norms to the wind, the group has chosen the title of “The Mansuite,” an epithet for the group that existed long before the blog.

Updated often (for now, at least), the Mansuite blog boasts a photo album with rotating shots of recent parties the bro-consortium has hosted. One such photo, which depicts the archetypal scene of a frenzied and cramped college party, is the permanent bottom banner of the site. Previous posts have included documentation of the Mansuiters’ $450 spending sprees treks at the 125th Street Fairway and of scooter rides down the Lerner ramps.

It is unclear where the idea to start the blog came from, but in a short play one member (who would only go by the alias of “Colin Drummond”) wrote for Bwog in an attempt to link Mansuite back to its roots, the member wrote of a fallen scooter, upturned risotto bowl, puddle of spilled wine and a freeze frame of Gossip Girl forming the letters B-L-O-G. If this description is any indication, the Mansuite is certainly worth a read.

- ECS