James Bennett

In the first Senior Wisdom of the day we bring you the wonderful James Bennett II, star of Columbia’s Harlem Shake, Sensual Sundays, the International Butler Anthem, WKCR jazz shows, your dreams, and so on and so forth…

Name, Hometown, School: James A. Bennett, II; Baltimore, MD (the original Bay Area- Chesapeake what up); Columbia College

Claim to fame? I just see myself as a cynically unabashed dude who’s been known to fall down, read some shit out loud, put the needle to the groove in order to give you some aural stimulation at WKCR, and rap from time to time. Who knows, maybe I made you laugh once or twice. Back home, I’m just that kid from a kind of alright- turned-hnnnggg neighborhood who in no way was supposed to make it Columbia, but who wound up doing so anyway, because determination.

Where are you going? Word on the street is that I’ll be splitting time between New York and D.C., but mostly New York, and most definitely around.

3 things you learned at Columbia: Three things, eh?

1. One reckless night back in the summer of ’11, I received the greatest bit of wisdom from a CC Alum, class of ’54. He looked me in the eye and said, “if it seems like a good idea, do it. When I was an undergrad I would want to just lose it and go outside and shout and have five-cent beer at West End Bar. So I did. ” Now, of course operating within the confines of the law, I took that to heart. I learned that you remember those impromptu trips to Brooklyn and forget those lost nights at a library. That a poorly planned mini-road trip is a much better memory than a routine Sunday morning meeting. That things get better, and that Butler isn’t forever. So, don’t you dare drop your metaphorical thun-thun. Thanks, Alum guy.
   
2. That a perfectly executed headshake/finger wag combo says infinitely more than a stream petulant vitriol when someone is being a real social idiot. Practice in a mirror and with your friends, and give it a shot next time someone decided to walk in the opposite direction as you on those godforsaken stairs in Ferris Booth. One day this could be you.
3. To be clear about what you want. I think we love imaging our lives like movies, and that everyone knows what our thoughts and wishes are. But there are no intimate over the shoulder shots or artsy jump cuts or silly theme music to cue up some dramatic dialogue. It’s just you and your professor/crush/friend/bartender//Max Bartik. Just be frank. Not curt, just honest. Now, honesty can be a motherfucker. No way around that. You may not hear or get what you want, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to breathe without a load of “what if’s” weighing you down. And you need your head to keep your cool.

(more…)

Tyler Benedict

Today’s First Senior Wisdom: Tyler Benedict, from CUMB and other annoying things. Want to get more annoyed? Go watch him read at Orgo Night tonight.

Name, Hometown, School: Tyler Benedict; Dayton, OH; CC.

Claim to fame? I’m the annoying guy from Orgo Night and all those CUMB videos. For a brief moment I was also annoying on TV.

Where are you going? Right now? Probably to HamDel. Why, where are you going?

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• Haters gonna hate.
• You will have the best conversations with people who disagree with you, even if said conversations don’t always feel good.
• If you want a quiet place to poop, head to the seventh floor of Dodge (h/t Ziyad Abdelfattah).

(more…)

The Columbia University Marching Band is stepping away from their traditionally controversial and caustic content, and moving towards sheer seduction.

Do you want to express your love for your peers in a seductive tone that neither your awkward agitated attitude nor CU Admirers can properly express? In a new series they started yesterday, CUMB’s James Bennett II reads your CU Admirers posts in the sensual tone you want to say them, with all the courage and sex appeal you don’t have. It even features an homage to our managing editor—check it out:

After  Zeta Beta Tau lost their charter to a hazing scandal and all the controversy that followed, CUMB pounced at the chance to make fun of the situation with a moving account of the memories that will remain as ZBT leaves us.

We found the Breakfast Club music incredibly fitting and CUMB’s absolute lack of compunction hilarious.

Let’s recap: on Thursday Dean Shollenberger condemned the Marching Band for their posters about Orgo Night in an email sent to all undergrads. In a meeting with Shollenberger, he explained that the posters were brought to his attention by students who felt marginalized by them. On Monday night, a meeting was held with a coalition of students from various groups, the band, and Dean Martinez to discuss their problems. According to Dean Martinez, it was a respectful conversation but ended with unresolved issues. The band denied a request by the students to have their Orgo Night scripts reviewed for offensiveness. However, CUMB did offer to take down the fliers and issue an apology. According to Band Manager Vicki Birmingham it was on Tuesday afternoon that the CUMB board was asked to meet with members of the “Bias Response Team,” which consisted of CUMB’s advisor and two administrators. CUMB proceeded to meet with the coalition of student group representatives on Thursday morning, the morning of Orgo Night.

Shollenberger told Bwog that he understands freedom of speech, and knows it is not the role of the administration to censor speech or to guarantee that no student will ever be offended at Columbia. But, the administration reserves the right to criticize speech they find inappropriate—especially in this case: a Columbia tradition and not a forum for political debate. The deans sent the email to the student body to show that they have a stance on the issue and so we know there was a dialogue about the posters.

A protest was organized by a number of activist student groups. Student Affairs was privy to this and told protestors not to obstruct the event. Extra Public Safety was brought in to ensure that the band could hold the performance undisturbed. Orgo Night happened, and protesters came, wearing duct tape over their mouths and raising signs at jokes they found objectionable. CUMB went ahead with an outrageous show which lampooned the protestors and Dean Shollenberger’s reaction to their flier. The crowd was overwhelmingly hostile to the protestors and favorable to CUMB.

Below are statements from relevant groups. If you want to judge it for yourself, CUMB has released a full video of Orgo Night.

Statements after the jump

The Columbia Marching Band has not always been known for their political correctness, and this time around it seems as if they have taken their controversial humor a step too far. Many people were offended by their Orgo Night “Gaza Strip: everyone wants a piece” promo fliers and took to notifying the administration. Following this, KevSho himself has sent an email–without the fancy email form typical of his messages–denouncing the posters:

Dear Students,

As a learning community that prides itself on our diversity and mutual respect, we are extremely disappointed at the poor judgment and poor taste shown by the CU Marching Band in its Orgo Night flier. To be sure, the University is dedicated to freedom of expression — even expression that can be offensive. But as educators we also have a responsibility to criticize and condemn speech that would surely be felt to be alienating by members of our community.

Administrators have shared this concern with the band and have engaged in conversations in an effort to hear different perspectives from a variety of individuals and student groups. The fact that band members have agreed to remove the posters and offered to apologize after listening closely to their classmates and peers about the hurt and belittlement experienced from the poster merits acknowledgment.

Our dialogue through difference demonstrates Columbia’s highest values. Along with the Office of Multicultural Affairs and other Administrators, we will continue to meet with students to discuss ways in which we can rely upon all members of our community to behave respectfully and to match the great freedoms enjoyed on this campus with an equal measure of responsibility to our fellow Columbians.

Sincerely,

Dean Shollenberger

Update: Here’s the poster:

Update: Columbia Lions won its second Empire State Bowl with a 34-17 victory against Cornell!

For those still reeling from our 0-69 loss to Harvard football, here is something to perk up your (school) spirits. At today’s home game against Cornell (The Empire State Bowl), our beloved CUMB have been at it again:

The semesterly tradition of filling Butler 209 to capacity happened last night, and for all those who missed out on the swampy experience (the B.O. levels rivaled Butler 409) we present a short collection of thoughts, observations, and Instagram-y photos cobbled together at a surprisingly empty 1020 (thank you Lit Hum and CC finals!). 

The crowd started gathering around 11:30, and shortly thereafter otherwise peaceful Butler-ites started climbing tables and bookshelves to get a prime viewing spot like it was an overcrowded music festival. The initial dead poets were quickly joined, and for a period of time 209 officially had more people standing on things that weren’t the floor. The oppressive Public Safety presence was visibly impressed by the noble and dignified actions of the future leaders they’ve sworn to protect.

Bags of potato chips and maybe a flask or two were passed around among friends as a light chant—”Paddy’s Pub! Paddy’s Pub!—echoed from somewhere in the middle of the room. We’d guess that wine may have found its way into some cans.

A bit past midnight the band proudly marched into the room, and all agreed that what our band lacks in rhythm and polished technique, it more than makes up for in authentic nonchalance and showmanship.

We’re posting the full transcript below, and so we won’t bore you with a blow-by-blow when you could fill in sleep deprived laughter after nearly every sentence.

Guys were, in every instance, better targets of humor, as jabs at Barnard girls or vaginas often fell into a medley of belly laughs and groaning conversation. In the third “stanza,” “movement,” “act” or whatever you want to call it, Rich noted the rites of passage for each school:

Rites of passage mark the most important times in our lives. Like when they hand CC students the Iliad, or SEAS kids their beanies, or Barnard girls their rape whistles.

Audible dissatisfaction clued the observant audience member into the fact that Midnight Breakfast probably wasn’t well attended this year… A nearby women stage whispered, “What the F!” Her companion was quick to calm her, saying “Just don’t worry about it. They’re just having fun.” The original objector shook her head, and asked in disbelief, “So, SEAS kids don’t really wear beanies?”

Among the range of topics covered by CUMB, the CUCR drama was particularly near and dear to us at Bwog. Although their recap was spot on and hilarious, the highest moment of hilarity came after the first time Rich spake the word “CUCR” when someone shouted “FUCK THEM!” A hearty round of applause was followed by the CUDems Board chanting “CU Dems!” which prompted even louder booing and jeers. Justice? Revenge? Maybe they’re jealous of all the attention, who knows?

In the end, Orgo Night was an uproarious success, and congratulations need be extended to CUMB for a great kick off to Finals Season.

Click Here to Read the Full Orgo Night Script

Name, Hometown, School: Jose Alberto Delgado, Brownsville, TX, Columbia College

Claim to Fame: Marching Band Banned headlines, I woke up to 10 emails from journalists asking for interviews one day and was called like 30 different times by radio stations, newspapers, and magazines. I also organized a performance for a party attended by LeBron James, Chris Paul, and Jay-Z.  At some point did Chicano Caucus, MRC, CMTS, and Wind Ensemble.  That work study guy in Casa Hispanica who interned at a zoo one summer and can play the drums.

Where are you going? I will be going to Los Angeles as a member of the Teach for America corps team for 2 years.  My parents visited during Thanksgiving once and said they never imagined being in New York City considering they started off as teachers in Mexico, now they get to go to LA too!

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. You’re never stuck with the same group of friends, but the best ones always make the effort to keep in touch
2. The best classes are defined by the professor, not the subject
3. If you’re not happy then you shouldn’t stay in that club/class/major/school/job.

“Back in my day…” Someone believed in me and that made all the difference.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: The moment you’re standing outside as a cold front comes in and feel the instant change in atmosphere; you’re the same person in different places almost.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? In high school I was suspended for taking long lunches instead of being in class. In college I was written up for being with a bunch of loud Latinos. Even though Columbia has a diverse student body, the administration and our professors don’t always understand we don’t all come from the same sources of privilege and academically torturous high schools among other things.  If you’re written up in Barnard the complaint never circles back to Columbia. If you’re caught red-handed in the tunnels, run but don’t take off your shirt in the process.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Only one of these makes it easier to fall asleep. But seriously midnight snacks are the best.

Advice for the class of 2016:

1. $4 umbrellas at the news stands on Broadway are much cheaper than the bookstore one you’ll eventually lose just the same.
2. Learn the lyrics to school songs
3. G(tb)^2

Any regrets? Not being better friends with my freshman year roommate.  Storing my stuff in 125^th street and thinking it was a good idea to blue bin everything back to Woodbridge. Not going to the beach in the summer.  Not asking for help those times that I needed it.  Bakon Vodka.

He's ready for his close-up, Mr. Trebek!

The show will air at 7:00 pm on channel 7, though it was taped over a month ago. “My grandmother thinks it’s live,” Tyler admitted to us, “It’s going to blow her mind when I call her during the show!”

We asked Tyler a few questions about his appearance, though we probably should have just given him answers and let him provide the questions.

Bwog: Were you forced to wear a Columbia sweatshirt?

Tyler: Technically speaking, I guess I was “forced,” yes, but I prefer to think of it as I GOT to wear a Columbia sweatshirt. Lion pride, yes?

Did you have to purchase the sweatshirt yourself?

I got a stipend from Jeopardy! for “expenses” to purchase the sweatshirts (they make you bring 2, in case you get food, makeup, or vomit on one of them). Got ‘em at the good ol’ Columbia Bookstore. And yes, I am plugging them because I’m hoping for an endorsement deal. Sue me.

How beautiful are people on television?

I can’t speak for myself (though I must say the makeup artists were miracle workers…thanks Lisa!), but so far the Jeopardy! blogosphere (it exists!) seems to think that our pool of contestants is among the most attractive in history, as evidenced by posts like these. And of course Alex Trebek is just dreamy.

Read about Trebek’s mustache, 1020 trivia night, and how to become a contestant.

Update: The band has provided a video showcasing assorted jokes and songs from last night. Relive the action below.

Last night, Butler 209 played host to Orgo Night, one of Columbia’s time-honored traditions and the reason many upperclassmen choose to move off campus. Bwog will have a full review later today, but for now, check out some pictures of the festivities and peruse the script.

Pics courtesy of Roko Rumora, Dylan Lonergan, Raphaelle Debenedetti, and Peter Sterne

Read the script!

Traditional: Tonight, at 11:59 in Butler 209, the Marching Band will sing songs and make jokes of questionable taste.

Unorthodox: An actually pretty funny promotional video from the band.

Unexpected: As an extra credit project for his orgo class, Professor Campos called for original music videos. Here’s our favorite. (Click CC to turn on the captions)

See the honorable mentions!

Chief Ref Room Correspondent Sameea Butt forayed a floor below her usual spot to recap yesterday evening’s this morning’s Orgo Night. If you want to see video, you can check out one from a commenter or CUMB’s YouTube channel.

There was a little more excitement than expected in 209 last night, as the crowds sweated it out for the “53rd consecutive, 69th semi-annual drive to lower the curve in Organic Chemistry.” As usual, there were people piled atop desks and chairs, kids squeezed between anxious band groupies, dudes passing out CULPA fliers (do it, comrades!) and diligent students trying, also as per usual, to study through the ruckus. In what we naively hope was a rare display of school spirit, the eager audience burst into applause before the band even got there and started singing the Fight Song… yeah they were probably just jazzed about school ending.

A guy in a fedora led a slow clap to herald the band’s actual entrance. They proudly marched in playing the “Roar, Lion Roar,” with a few sporting sunglasses and one member carrying what this Bwogger heard described as “ohmygod an inflated penis!”

The speakers, Tyler Benedict, CC ’13, and Travis Alvarez, CC ’12, started the night off with a topic still fresh in students’ minds: the “bureaucratic error” that forced Bacchanal to move to the lawns.” Also, please step back from the fence. The show cannot continue unless you step back.” Someone from the crowd responded with a shout out to the co-president of Bachannal: “We love you Jody.” Shit happens, we forgive you too.

The crowd seemed largely to agree with the band’s assessment of Bacchanal this year: “saying ‘Snoop Dogg is coming to campus!’ is a lot more fun than him actually being here.” Although people were visibly annoyed by the comment, “Guess they [the barely-intelligible Das Racist] shouldn’t have booked the sound guys from the Varsity Show,” two band members shouted “Swag, swag!” The band then played “Push It,” “in honor of sticking your dizzle in a hot piece of pizzle and doing it all night lizzle”.

(more…)

Midnight breakfast is circus themed

Just because finals start tomorrow in earnest doesn’t mean you can’t have fun tonight!

At midnight in 209, CUMB hosts Orgo Night. There will be music, shouting, school spirit, and Barnard jokes.

Speaking of the ladies across Broadway, tonight is another Midnight Breakfast. There will be barrels of free food. Barnard seniors may start munching at 11 pm, the rest of Barnard can join in the festivities at 11:30 pm, and Columbians can begin gorging at 12 am.

Entertainment via Wikimedia

Tonight was Orgo Night, that (rare) cherished Columbia tradition, in which The Cleverest Band in the World occupies Butler 209 and strives to “lower the curve on the orgo exam” by telling raunchy jokes with topical music interspersed. Likely due to a number of recent events, 209 was buzzing by 11:10 p.m. By 11:20 Public Safety had arrived, and by 11:30, all library taboos were out the window! Burly Public Safety officers acted as bouncers, keeping disappointed students penned in the hallway.

As one freshman girl noted, “Orgo Night is harder to get in than Campo!”

At 12:00 a.m. sharp, CUMB entered that hallowed hall and proceeded to entertain.

CUMB teased the crowed early with a Vincenzo/drug bust joke, but then backed off and went for the Social Experiment. The band made classic riffs on paying Columbia students to talk to people, and referenced the Crimson article which belittled it. Harvard students, the band explained, had their fathers to buy them friends.

After playing “Tainted Love,” the band cheered the recent sorority recognition, noting that “one fourth of Barnard women are in sororities. In an unrelated Spectator article, one fourth of Barnard women have herpes,” to very mixed reactions. The band rejoiced in the sororities since Barnard had apparently lacked a place for women to join together in sisterhood, at least until the recent mandatory meal plan, because friends who “binge together, purge together.” Again, mixed reactions.

At the end of “Stacy’s Mom,” CUMB moved on to Assange. The “secrets” released by Wikileaks are really no big deal, the band believes. “Saudi Arabia supporting terrorism? Afghanistan being a shitshow? Those things are about as secretive as a SEAS kid’s porn addiction.” Next they stopped by the email from SIPA, and mused why art majors didn’t get such an email. After a few more Barnard jokes, they played “Toxic.”

Next our marching band advised the crowd on TSA travel tips. If you’re a SEAS student and get patted down, refrain from ejaculating—CUMB knows that to you “a foreign touch is your left hand.” But it’s no big deal, the band comforts, because being groped by high school dropouts is just like a Well Woman center. “Sweet Dreams” came next.

Gender-neutral housing was praised. The band wondered, why are these conservative pundits complaining we’ll live in sin on our parents’ dime?  “Haven’t they been to college?” And it’s great for another reason: “Barnard students can spend the night with a guy and see him again.”

Finally, what the crowd had been waiting for: Epstein. A concerned citizen called CrimeStoppers because he heard exuberant cries of “Who’s your daddy?” from Epstein’s office. The crowd laughed, cried, groaned. The affair began, CUMB confided, when at the breakfast table Epstein asked, “You come here often?” After being arrested in what the police called “Operation Poppa Cherry,” Epstein is on indefinite leave, probably to spend “less time with his family.” The band regaled the lovers with “Sweet Child of Mine.”

And in a grand finale, the band broke with word of the 5 Loko (groan). The band noted that frat boys often use drugs to get ahold of busts—but that the NYPD was doing it wrong using busts to get ahold of drugs. Then again, the dealers are party to blame. After all, when a GS student wants to “score some reefer, brah,” it is probably best to decline.  The NYPD was unfair in naming it “Operation Ivy League,” they bemoaned—if NYPD arrested NYU students would it be called “Operation Safety School”? The band thanked their stars for the procrastination tool Bwog comments provided and congratulated campus news sources on their good work, but “not you Spectrum, nobody fucking cares.”

Sadly, this was where the show ended. CUMB advised the crowd to “try not to damage the shelves” on the way out, and everybody left feeling like we have a community here after all.

Photos by AB and CDS