Bwog shines equally favorably on all cretins of the Core. We did it for CC, and oh, okay, since you insist, Lit Hum gets a bone too. Way back when, a few Bwoggers converted several thousands of pages of reading into limericks—the perfect size for you to memorize in between a breakfast of Red Bull and Pepsi Max. Read on for anapests aplenty!

Homer, The Iliad
Achilles, the raging Achaean,
Agamemnon’s war plans was derailin’.
For the city of Troy,
And for Helen, a ploy
With a horse was the Greek soldiers’ way in.

[Editor's Note: Actually, the Trojan Horse doesn't appear in detail until The Aeneid next semester, but The Odyssey briefly mentions the Greek's crafty gift.]

Homer, The Odyssey
After Troy, brave Odysseus wandered,
Adventured and tarried and pondered,
Saw Calypso and Cyclops
‘Pon Ionian outcrops,
Thence home ere Pen’s honor was squandered!

Herodotus, The Histories
Father of history, Herodotus
Wrote of wars, and lies and lust:
“Gyges ruled,
Scythians were cruel,
But remembering human achievement’s a must.”

Euripides, Medea
Jason was not a good guy.
To Medea he had said goodbye.
So you know what she did?
She killed all her kids
And then she flew off in the sky.

Aristophanes, Lysistrata
Of war all Greek women had tired,
So together they met and conspired.
They knew what men wanted,
So their husbands they taunted:
“For sex, complete peace is required.”

Plato, Symposium
Some hung-over Greeks had doubt
Over what love was all about
Was virtue correct?
Or trading wisdom for sex?
But “Forms!” was Socrates’ cop-out.

Old Testament (Two verses for the price of one!)
When God said “Let there be light,”
He showcased all of his might.
He plagued Pharaoh with flies,
Made the Red Sea dry
And then gave Job quite a fright

Job and job are capitonymic words
Like Polish and polish, or Herb and herb
And though this doesn’t have much to do
With the story of that unfortunate Jew
It does make the story a little absurd.

[Editor's Note: Job wasn't Jewish, but whatevs]

New Testament

So God was feeling frisky,
decided to be a bit risky.
Got in bed with Mary,
of course he did not tarry!
You know the rest of the story.

Empty

Update, 12:33 pm: The event is well underway. There are indeed milk and cookies, but the atmosphere is less than convivial and certainly not conducive to munching. Fifty first-years huddle around a teacher, who said to the silent, scribbling students, “Okay, now construct a thesis to go along with these points.”

Bwog knows how this sounds—but there’s basically a first-year paradise in Furnald this week. For school stuff.

RHLO, which is like a pilot student government for first-year dorms, is hosting study sessions throughout the week for all your bread and butter first-year classes. Check out the schedule: they’ve got Lit Hum, Frontiers, Calc III, and Gen Chem.

The first one is for Lit Hum, specifically on Genesis and Job, in the Furnald Lounge, from noon to 1 pm today. There will be cookies and milk and other snacks.

Bwog wonders whether Bloom prefers the Lattimore translation to the Fitzgerald

Alison Herman, CC’15, was dutifully in attendance yesterday afternoon. She keeps it short and sweet below. N.B. Christia Mercer is a Bright Eyes fan.

At 2:30 sharp on Tuesday, over a thousand Columbia College freshpeople and one intrepid reporter packed themselves into Roone Arledge Auditorium for their first-ever college lecture. With the help of a nifty slideshow, Christia Mercer spent the next hour and a half holding forth on the Iliad—the book we spent our summers SparkNoting, avoiding, and occasionally reading. Proving that she knew her audience, Mercer began by steering students towards the Internet, specifically the Lit Hum website, which promises to augment the Lit Hum experience with shiny pictures and “luscious” quotes. There’s even a section for students to submit pieces of art inspired by the Lit Hum syllabus. Soon, however, it was time for the students to take out their books. Touching on glory, honor, and other lofty principles, Mercer nonetheless kept the mood light, casually dropping references to Lady Gaga, Havana Central, and even a nearly naked Orlando Bloom.

At the lecture’s conclusion, Mercer called upon the audience to literally answer the big questions, including “What does it mean to live a good life?” and “What is a good life good for?” Praising the answers of the brave souls who volunteered to represent their discussion groups, Mercer at last pronounced the freshmen free and ready to begin their first year of college.

Unfortunately clothed via the Orlando Bloom Files message board

The learning starts today. Gather with philosopher queen Christia Mercer (substitute for Lit Hum legend Gareth Williams in the graph) to pore over the Iliad that you’ve all finished weeks ago! Head over to Lerner, the big glass thing, at 2:30.

Graphic by Jon Hill

Freshpeople, Bwog can’t believe you kids are already studying for your Lit Hum final! It seems like just yesterday when you were loading taxidermy rodents into your blue bins. In honor of the big test, we’re recycling this gem of a post, and adding a few updates. Below, Bwog presents a playlist of songs with references to glorious works of our literary past from the second semester of the Lit Hum syllabus. ‘Njoy!

The Beatles, “I Am the Walrus“
This Beatles classic sparked the “Paul is dead” rumor about whether John was grieving over Paul’s death. Some claim John purposely packed nonsensical images into “I am the Walrus” to confuse those who dissected every Beatles’ lyric so seriously. Still, this hasn’t deterred die-hard fans from looking for “Paul is dead” clues. (People have actually written books about this. For serious.) As the song fades out, you can faintly hear the following recorded lines of Shakespeare’s King Lear:

Oswald:
Slave, thou hast slain me: villain, take my purse:
If ever you wilt thrive, bury my body;
And give the letters thou find’st about me
To Edmund Earl of Gloucester, seek him out
Among the British part: O, untimely death.
(Oswald dies)

Is this “matter and impertinency mixed” or “reason in madness?” Well, for the record, Paul is still alive and kickin’

The Mountain Goats, “Love Love Love”
The Mountain Goats’ “superman” lyricist, John Darnielle, weaves dozens of random references into this gentle and nostalgic track, conveying the difficulty of coping with conflicting emotions. One lyric even features Crime and Punishments’ Raskolnikov: “Raskolnikov felt sick, but he couldn’t say why, when he saw his face reflected in his victim’s twinkling eye.”

Radiohead, “Pyramid Song”
Lead singer Thom Yorke often cites Dante as a tremendous influence. The lyric, “and we all went to heaven in a little row boat,” refers to Charon ferrying our favorite voyager across the river Styx.” The song also appropriately mentions the “black-eyed angels” and “a moon full of stars.”

Bob Dylan, “I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine”
Factually correct? Not so much. Augustine wasn’t “put out to death;” he died of illness. But Dylan has said that he heard voices. Maybe a neighboring child chanted to him too. Or perhaps, as one Dylan defender pointed out last year, he’s referring to Jesus’ death. “Dylan, confronted by Augustine, feels that he is guilty of the ultimate basis of all sin, the death of christ. He dreamed he was among the ones who put Him out to death.”

And here are a few less intentional references:

After the jump, special contributor Gareth Williams, Chair of Literature Humanities, suggests some tunes (marked with asterisks). Who knew the composed gentleman who resisted the urge to eviscerate Miss “the Iliad is like gangster rap” also had such good music taste? Read more…

In the latest issue of The Blue & White, Graphics Editor Stephen Davan brings us an illustrated guide to living every Columbian’s dream – The Core, food, puns, and the city somehow combined.

Compiled by the B&W staff. Illustrated by Stephen Davan

Pick me!

It’s the first day of school, folks! Savor the crackling sound of creasing book binds and the strong scent of newly sharpened pencils.

Freshpeople, Bwog can’t believe you kids are already starting classes. It was only last week you were loading taxidermy rodents into your blue bins. After a week- long orientation, get ready to feel disoriented again—but in a good way. You’ll be forced to challenge your own assumptions and consider new perspectives. That’s what college is all about.

Still, there are ways to maximize the classroom experience, especially for seminars. Back in the September 2008 issue of The Blue & White, Alexander Statmen penned “Seminar Etiquette: A Primer.” Bwog presents an abridged version sprinkled with a few of our own words of wisdom.

• Before you even start class, you’ll be faced with the choice of where to sit. Come a little early, so you aren’t stuck with a desk at one of the ends of the row or semi-circle. The first seminar class often opens with a go-around: name, hometown, major and maybe a special fact. If you sit at the first or last desk in the row/ semi-circle, you’ll be the first or last one to introduce yourself, which can be awkward.

Read more…

The star of the first Lit Hum lecture

When 2 o’clock rolled around today, it was finally time for the Class of 2014 to close the Iliad (or at the very least close the Sparknotes tab in their browsers), and trudge off to the Literature Humanities lecture with Professor Christia Mercer. Emma Stein, CC ’14, was on hand to share the fun with everyone left out by this CC-centrismfest.

During the non-stop fun that is NSOP (well, aside from those pesky “required” diversity seminars), students understandably were not thrilled with the prospect of sitting in a class of 1,400 for two hours, though some JJers expressed relief at the prospect of AC. Many came with cell phones brandished, ready to combat boredom with more force than Achilles used to desecrate Hektor’s corpse.

But these preparations were unnecessary. Mercer anticipated the freshmen’s need for humor (and in particular, humor induced through gratuitous amounts of nudity). This, she was willing to provide, grabbing the attention of the girls (and guys too), with photos of Orlando Bloom’s abs (when he played Paris in “Troy”) that she promised were “clearer on [her] computer.”

After finishing up her lecture on key points in the Iliad and some crucial questions, she moved on to a discussion phase that even she acknowledged might be a bad idea. Students talked amongst themselves (with surprisingly limited chaos or diversion) and afterwards shared their thoughts with the class, bravely standing up in front of 1,400 of their closest friends. Some fumblings ensued, but Mercer applauded all.

Delighting everyone perhaps even more than the abs did, the program ended thirty minutes ahead of schedule.

NSOP schedules aren’t released till tomorrow, but Bwog’s been tipped that the 2010 Orientation theme is the Odyssey. You know, like the Core Curriculum, the cornerstone of your Columbia education unless you’re in Barnard or SEAS! We cry Columbia-College-centrism, just so you’ll stop accusing Bwog of it.

We wait with bated breath for the activities such a theme will bring– a reenactment of the slaying of the suitors? A rendering of Mt Olympus on the dome of Low? Re-live Odysseus’ journey to Ithaca on the Lerner ramps? Your new Consent Is Sexy coordinators: Circe and Calypso!

CC 2012′ers and 2013′ers are embarking on a long, painful three hours: Lit Hum and CC finals happen today, in every nook and crany of Hamilton, from 12:30-3:30. Bwog wishes you the best of luck, and we salute you: you’re on your way, kids!

Freshmen should reacquaint themselves with our most recent study guide, and sophomores, here’s all you need to know:

Also, CC’13er Eli Grober shares his late-night Lit Hum study guide in song.

Last year Bwog brought you a Limerick Lit Hum study guide, and this year Procrastinator Extraordinaire Carolyn Ruvkun provides you with a playlist of songs with references to glorious works of our literary past from the second semester of the Lit Hum syllabus. ‘Njoy!

The Beatles, “I Am the Walrus“
This Beatles classic sparked the “Paul is dead rumor” about whether John was grieving over Paul’s death in the song. Some claim John purposely packed nonsensical images into “I am the Walrus” to confuse those who dissected every Beatles’ lyric so seriously. Still, this hasn’t deterred die-hard fans from looking for “Paul is dead” clues. (People have actually written books about this. For serious.) As the song fades out, you can faintly hear the following recorded lines of Shakespeare’s King Lear:

Oswald:
Slave, thou hast slain me: villain, take my purse:
If ever you wilt thrive, bury my body;
And give the letters thou find’st about me
To Edmund Earl of Gloucester, seek him out
Among the British part: O, untimely death.
(Oswald dies)

Is this “matter and impertinency mixed” or “reason in madness”? Well, for the record, Paul is still alive and kickin’

The Mountain Goats, “Love Love Love”
The Mountain Goats’ “superman” lyricist, John Darnielle, weaves dozens of random references into this gentle and nostalgic track, conveying the difficulty of coping with conflicting emotions. One lyric even features Crime and Punishments’ Raskolnikov: “Raskolnikov felt sick, but he couldn’t say why, when he saw his face reflected in his victim’s twinkling eye.”

Radiohead, “Pyramid Song”
Lead singer Thom Yorke has cited Dante as a tremendous influence. The lyric, “and we all went to heaven in a little row boat,” refers to Charon ferrying our favorite voyager across the river Styx.” The song also appropriately mentions the “black-eyed angels” and “a moon full of stars.”

Bob Dylan, “I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine”
Factually correct? Not so much. Augustine wasn’t “put out to death;” he died of illness. But Dylan has said that he heard voices. Maybe a neighboring child chanted to him too.

And here are a few less intentional references:

After the jump, special contributor Gareth Williams, Chair of Literature Humanities, suggests some tunes (marked with asterisks). Who knew the composed gentleman who resisted the urge to eviscerate Miss “the Iliad is like gangster rap” also had such good music taste? Read more…

Another week passes, another Saturday morning provokes procrastination. As the semester winds down, so does Lit Hum for CC freshmen! Push on through Crime and Punishment–the end is near, friends. Oh, the unifying power of Lit Hum.

Cartoon by Abigail Santner

The approach of midterms week means Dante’s Inferno is to be found in the sweaty hands of freshmen this week. Urban Spelunker Gavin McGown was not content to simply flip pages: he was jonesing to explore! Mudd’s basement is a dark and terrifying world Dante surely would have assigned to heathens and traitors.

Huddled as it is against the northeast corner of campus, the unapologetic Seeley W. Mudd Hall extends itself many stories aboveground, a bulwark against ignorance, home to generations of Columbian engineers. Its characteristic miner of shrewd and pinched face embodies the literal and figurative steel of the structure, casting a disapproving sneer at those filing in and out of the building at whose entrance he stands attendant, as if he sensed in them intellectual pursuits directing them towards weak disciplines (gender studies, pure mathematics, political “science”).

Finding myself, however, at that unaesthetic edge of the campus, I ignored the statue’s contemptuous glare that seemed to counsel me to abandon all hope, and marched brazenly on through the doors that opened, supermarket-like, at my advance. No Limbo eased the passage between light and darkness: I crossed, so to speak, the river Acheron (descending a staircase infected with the sound of an unceasing and ominous mechanical whirring), and found myself immediately confronted by a dusty and dreary vision as the first of many basements, bathed in a sallow light, extended on before my eyes.

Read more…

Feeling emotionally burdened, Bwog’s Catharsis Bureau Chief, Claire Sabel, sought release last night in CU Players’ production of Sophokles’ Elektra.  And according to her review, the trip was more than worthwhile.

It is one thing to read the great works of Greek drama in Lit Hum, and quite another to bring them to life on stage – but CU Players’ production of Elektra, directed by Brian Bené, is a truly brave attempt at tackling Sophocles’ very difficult tragedy.  Lasting a tightly packed 90 minutes with no intermission, the performance can at times be laborious, but is ultimately extremely rewarding.

As Bené points out, the central themes of Elektra - suffering, loss, revenge, and the desire for justice – are all very modern ones which make the play both extremely accessible and uncomfortably relevant.  Thus, after having read virtually all of its modern translations, CU Players decided to adopt one of the most contemporary versions available – that of Anne Carson, published in 2001. Carson’s Elektra is so desperate and trapped by the fate of her family that the only course of action left to her is to lash out and ‘make noise’; a notable and distinctive feature of this version, as explained in the preface to the play which is helpfully included in the program, is Carson’s decision to transliterate the lamenting shouts of the characters, so that the audience hears “Oimoi!” instead of the expected “Alas!” Read more…

CC 2013′s first Lit Hum class (taught by the esteemed Gareth Williams) begins in about an hour. But it’s never too early to play games–in this case, Lit Hum Lecture Bingo.

- Graphic by JYH