The semester’s latest edition of the Fed is now online. Bwog presents a survey of the topical headlines.

On the military, “Congress has agreed to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in the military in exchange for a similar policy in the following areas of civilian life…”

On Columbia’s underground social scene, “We present some of the highlights from Columbia’s hidden history…”

On going green, “Rotten fish will be offered in lieu of traditional sushi, in the hope that the subsequent food poisoning causes students to develop a greenish hue…”

On class day controversy, “‘Isn’t President Obama a Columbia graduate?’ said one student…”

On the academic calendar, “Columbia fucks us on a daily basis…”

The latest issue of the Fed is out and aping another Columbia publication. Bwog highlights some of its cringe-worthy crassness…

Ergonomics of shaving (ew)

“The Columbia Animal Farm (Get it? They’re communists!) Becomes an Animal House (like the movie!!)”

Same-old hipster hating

Erotic fiction

The Fed’s latest edition is online, just in time for more procrastination.

What Mall Santa’s really thinking about.

The Catholic Church flexes its takeover muscles.

A Christmas update from the WASPs.

An Iranian commentary on Hannukah.

Top 10 lists weren’t meta enough already.

After an absence of almost two months, The Fed has finally published its first issue of the new semester, complete with an entirely new print look.

Old people want fake IDs, and students are only too happy to provide.

The Core is now for porn!

Barnard stereotypes: the swine flu version.

We could’ve sworn we’ve seen this Public Safety announcement somewhere.

The Fed apologizes. Really. Sort of.

Graduating this month? The new Fed‘s got great advice to help you through your transition over the next few weeks. You won’t find the inside scoop on graduating from college anywhere else!

Do not, by any means, let the stress of graduating affect your vigilance in the War on Hipsters. If we don’t stop them, they’ll be starting their own country any day now.

It’s probably a good idea to have sex in some outrageous place on campus before you leave. Once you’re just a creepy grad hanging around, it gets a lot harder.

If you’re about to graduate with an Urban Studies major, well, don’t do that.

Academic jargon doesn’t fly in the real world. Familiarize yourself with the hip lingo before you leave Morningside and make an ass of yourself.

If you haven’t had the nightmare about bagging groceries for the rest of your life yet, you should get on that. 

You should also probably start mentally adjusting to your shitty new job as soon as possible. Seek counseling in advance. Meth always helps, too.

New issue of The Fed out today for your April Fooling pleasure! Laugh, be merry, and pretend you pulled an awesome prank.

Spectator to close its doors forever due to certain “allegations” and insufficient funds. Bwog’s hoping a casino will replace the Broadway office.

The admissions letter you wish you got.

And the school you wish you went to. You know, some of us really do believe in the moose. You might not be able to see them, but they’re there. 

You really think I need help being awkward? Yeah? Yeah? Well… um…

PrezBo’s journal of despair. Yes, he called you a fornicator. And yeah, you can tell he’s kinda jonesing for an ego boost, but why go to East Prussia to get it?

Emo is the new pink. I mean, whoops. 

Oh, and we are SO META.

- Photo courtesy of The Fed

Using sex references and bad words: an original spin on poetry, haikus, and The Odyssey. 

Drugs WILL make the sun come out. 

Of course you can spend no money, look like a fool, and still get girls to do you.

You will never sleep with Snow White. Unless you have a tail.

Hey! Bwog is offended. We are definitely more pretentious than the Varsity Show. 

But less pretentious than humor of the gilded age.

Image courtesy of the Fed

The latest issue of the Fed has found its way onto this, our World Wide Web.

Everybody’s still infatuated with Obama, satirists included. 

Following up on having found lust last issue, how to lose lust.

One Fedster explains that love can be damaging.

Another, that love can save your life.

And, Columbia girls’ worst date nightmare.

The semester’s last issue of The Fed is out online!

Advice for when you go home

Chanukkah vs. Christmas

Some vacation possibilities

Courses you do not want to take

Always remember, kids: when you ask the Blue and White‘s blog to link to you, leave out that you’ve made fun of us

And congratulations to the Fed’s new masthead!

E-I-C: Rachel Paige Katz

Publisher: Benjamin Ehrlich

Managing Editor: Nina Pedrad

Head Submissions Editors: Aarti Iyer and Jeffrey Scharfstein.

A new day, a new Fed, available on teh internetz right now!

People who spend a lot of time in Butler are fun and easy to make fun of. 

Aww, poor John McCain.

Aww, poor Dubya.

Pre-gaming: a scientific study 

Some red states will always be red states. 

End-of-semester-stressing? Never at the Fed!

It has come to Bwog’s attention that the Federalist Paper (aka the Fed), Columbia’s perennial bastion of jokedome, has published its second issue of the year.  Bwog encourages you to have a laugh or two as you try to shake off that midterm angst by reading the new issue entitled First Years and Last Temptations.

Jesus, CC 20 AD, a quiet cool Columbia student that not too many people remember.  Sound familiar?

Slackers host strike to make Core Curriculum easier.  Nothing gets done.

The death of David Foster Wallace, a footnote by no means.

A Fed exclusive interview with Stephan Vincenzo.  Yes, that “Stephan.”

The definitive Obamacain liveblog.  Are you sure you want to read it?  

The new issue of the Fed—the last one of the school year—has hit the internet and newsstands.

Annals of architecture, ad eundum quo nemo ante iit 

Contemporary Civilization, ad nauseum

Our culture’s decline, reductum ad absurdum

Thank yous, ad infinitum

The dormitory life, ad captandum vulgus

Knowledge, ad vitam aeternam!

 
QuickFed? QuickSpec! Featuring:

….a Juicy Campus op-ed

…a Manhattanville shout-out 

…Barnard stereotypes 

…an eerily accurate staff editorial 

Plus bonus Fed non-fiction! (We think?)

Why, the Fed is back! And we had thought ’twas lost!

My God, Jesus is everywhere I look!

One Scotsman has discovered China! In America!

Dear me, is that a sexual pun I espy buried within the name of a Columbia landmark? 

A number of heretofore unknown facts are presented, and in the most delightful format.

And, mystery of mysteries, it seems it was that chipotle mayo that had me feeling all out of sorts.

A semi-thorough interpretation on the meaning of various colored holiday lights in your neighbors’ windows

Even The Fed likes a little meta! (includes demonstrative photographs)

Just say “no” to MSG

Pick-up lines that really hurt

An analysis of procrastination, in graph form