But everybody else is doing it!

I know, I know, I’ll get to it eventually.

Okay, so I made that part up. But the spirit of it is true.

They gave me all of those column inches — I couldn’t let them go to waste!

I’m no different than you. It’s just that I’m better.

-Layout of Bloomingdale asylum via shorpy.com

Yeah, it seems like there’s this weird bug going around…

Your professors aren’t the only crazy people in Morningside.

What!? Middle East politics controversial at Columbia?

Students ‘redefine‘ classical music. Proposal for new definition: rabid puppies with mustaches.

This place sucks, I wanna go back to 4th grade.

Go off campus to smoke? Nah, I’d rather take those free nicotine patches and secretly smoke out of my window at 3am.

Hell no, I’m not going in that little space. That’s even more depressing than my John Jay single!

I’m graduating from Co-Lame-Bia. NOOOOOOO!

Barnard wrestles with its god(dess) complex.

Why would you anger the people in charge of your security? Are you immune to the Cassandra complex?

Stop trying to force an inferiority complex onto the music majors.

There is nothing complex about our dependence on the tubes. Just disheartening.

Skip business school, go to TC

When school gets too stressful: take an art class and find yourself

After four years at Columbia, this senior has determined that the world is “a complicated, challening place.”

If we don’t like Paterson, who does?

You wake up in your 30th floor Park West Village apartment before having breakfast at Whole Foods downstairs.

You think about riding the subway to work, but economic hardship has forced the city to cut your local line.

You instead hop into your green-roofed, solar-powered, bamboo car and take off for Columbia.

You park near Bollinger’s office in Furnald, since Low Library was damaged in the Coulter Riots of ’09.

You’re meeting with PrezBo to encourage his support of Palestinian academic freedom. You’re the latest in a long line to try, but no luck today. Maybe next year.

-Via Alternative Film Guide

PrezBo says he reads Bwog…and brings out his puppy again (getting a little old).

A Morningsider will run SEAS.

Spar does not bring any puppies to her chat.

Next year’s slate of CCSCers celebrate.

Sometimes kids don’t pay attention to ceremonies they don’t understand. Don’t worry, they’ll care more about their heritage later. 

Of course, young man, I’ll let you use your laptop for non-academic purposes in class. Just this once.

Fare hikes are a’comin! Good thing Columbia Alumni Association is on the case. 

Awkward life? There’s always Xanga.

Cold heart? Well… uh, don’t go to Africa.

Sometimes going green actually has effects that are dark and troubling. Like the sky right now.

More Columbia students are going to China, presumably to get away from this weather.

Read about these biking enthusiasts, then check the forecast and pity them.

Let’s hope Barnard’s Athena Center can, uh, fly straight with this wind and drizzling and everything, and, um…well, that metaphor’s not going anywhere. Does Athena even fly?

There is nothing snarky about this article title. And it’s a beautiful day outside.

Cultural clubs are teaming up to think green.

They were all yellow at one East Village restaurant.

These riders can’t help that the MTA is in the red.

Lacrosse hopes to stomp the Crimson.

Don’t let the Core make you feel too blue.

	-Photo via Princeton Online

The City tries to save us from vicious dogs. Somehow, people are outraged.

Take Back the Night is going to clean house.

 The Earth Institute is going to clean the world…with a new major.

Okay, Vampire Weekend and Talib Kweli aren’t going to clean anything, but we appreciate the study break.

Statistics show that people who watch The Office do better in life.

Bloomberg’s ouija board decides the fate of the public schools.

What do you mean there’s no way to find out? I want to know exactly how sexy the country’s first belly dancer was. Now. 

Plus, the mystical powers of upper Amsterdam revealed!

Ollie’s is all right, but any dish at Vine will be seasoned with your bitter liberal guilt.

Besides joblessness and hopelessness, the recession will also cause more violence against women. Maybe that’s why we’re all in therapy.

Because television shows that air on actual televisions take too long.

That’s right. Not PlayStation, and definitely not your godforsaken Core.

SEAS students need a break from Morningside Heights, too

Hey, we wanna use those fancy classrooms!

The social scene at Columbia isn’t easy, and social interaction here can become “a Kafka-esque affair”

 Woe is us, we’re sad, and we’re not going to do anything about it

Win access to thousands of Columbia student e-mail addresses.

Win a first-year seminar with a Korean Idol finalist.

Win a number to earn a chance to possibly secure a spot to see the Target Lady.

Win an Icky Sticky Hand after playing three hours of “Street Fighter.”

Win a medal, leg cramps, and a post-race upchuck.