Carolyn Ruvkun

Bwog-wisdom’s back: Carolyn Ruvkun, former creative editor and provider of good feelings, both on Bwog and in general.

Name, Hometown, School: Carolyn Ruvkun, NYC, Columbia College

Claim to Fame? Nightline, Puppy Coalition, green flags, Bwog tags.

Where are you going? Home to cuddle with my dog, play the piano, and procrastinate from becoming a real person reflect. I need some chill time that’s not just confined to scattered guilty hours between various commitments crowding my planner. That’s all been very exciting and productive, but now it’s time to process.

And maybe I’ll eventually start a Jewish food truck called Knish & Tell.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. I’ve come to respect my parents so much more professionally, but I’ve also seen their emotional vulnerabilities in ways I didn’t recognize when I lived with them. Some of my most important conversations over the past four years have been with people in my family who have divulged their own struggles. Caring for and comforting your elders can seem like a jarring inversion of some natural order. But these difficult moments have made my family relationships feel more reciprocal and real. In short, call your bubbe.
• 2. Sit in the front row, so you won’t be distracted by the ridiculousness that appears on other people’s computer screens. I once witnessed a girl ordering a Vajazzling kit during lecture. She pulled out her credit card and everything.
• 3. If you turn on Netflix subtitles, you can understand the words while eating pretzels.

Back in my day…I thought I knew a lot more than I really did. But the more I learned, the more I realized how little I know. I’m leaving Columbia with few answers but better questions. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. After all, college shouldn’t validate your existing knowledge but put it in perspective.

Also, I went to H&H every Sunday morning for the best bagels in New York, crossing signs had words instead of pictures, hashtags and gifs didn’t exist, and seniors seemed very old.

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I hate white wine.

Name, Hometown, School: Alex; Lenexa, KS; CC

Claim to fame? JJ12 OG. I’m convinced that my dorm room was featured in V117. I may be partially responsible for making Bwog blindingly white.

Where are you going? Slightly south. I’ll be living on the UWS as I work in the city. Some kind souls saw fit to provide me with gainful employment. Maybe I’ll knock off some of those red zeros that follow the negative sign on Mint.com.

Three things I learned at Columbia:

1. To love the Core. It’s not exhaustive, and it’s not perfect, but it has no such pretensions (or at least shouldn’t). What people most often mistake when criticizing the Core is that the curriculum is not intended to cover certain, critical subjects so much as it is designed to introduce and develop modes of thought (philosophical, literary, musical, etc.). I may be wrong, but the western bias isn’t so much essential as it is convenient. We should embrace the exercise on its own merit, and then seek to apply whatever we take away in all other areas.
2. To embrace ambiguity. I loved my philosophy professors and history classes, but I’m pretty sure that the two years of German language classes I took were the most impactful from a non-intellectual standpoint. Against all intellectual inclination, we must sometimes discard well-devised plans and allow ourselves to be subject to the whimsy of chance.
3. That life isn’t graded. There is significant value to what we learn in terms of subject matter and intellectual skill in the classroom, but at graduation all you get is a fancy piece of paper (but not actually) and a fraction to list somewhere on your resume. While at Columbia, what is vastly more important is how you engage with the community and define your place inside it. During NSOP, we were inducted into a great community of students, staff, faculty, and administrators. Learning how to best service that community is a challenge on par with any you can find in a classroom.

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Claire Sabel

The next Bwogger to pass through the gates of wisdom: Claire Sabel: legend, hero, and former Editor in Chief.

Name, Hometown, School: Claire Sabel, London (UK), CC

Claim to fame? Aspiring polymath, least likely to have run a marathon, Editor of Bwog 2010-11.

Where are you going? Back to Butler, baby. I’ve found a wonderful intellectual mentor in my thesis advisor, who’s agreed to take me on as a research assistant for the time being, so I’ll be around campus this summer, when I’m not in Long Island City speculating about the future. After that, my dream is to take to the parks as an urban ranger (seriously) somewhere in NYC, though it seems a bit inevitable that I’ll eventually end up in graduate school, studying the history of science.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

• 1) Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Fear of being ignorant will only breed more ignorance. You’re much more intelligent, and know a lot less, than you think you are/do. This isn’t just about the classroom—which brings me to my next point.
• 2) Learn from each other. The most enriching conversations I’ve had took place in my suite, at 1020, on the subway, in office hours, reading Senior Wisdoms and Bwog comments. School is as relevant as you make it. It’s not the only thing, but you should make the most of it by engaging it with all the other things. Talk to your professors about what’s going on in your life, not just about homework. Get excited about your friends extracurricular frivolities. Turn off your phone and go exploring.
• 3) Relationships, whether social, intellectual, romantic, professional, or with your self (don’t forget this one!) require work, deliberation, and attention. Cultivate them, and appreciate them. Live with people you don’t know, but would like to. Make standing appointments, and establish rituals that incorporate generous helpings of coffee and Die Antwoord.
• 4) I still have no idea what my priorities are but I know that I have some. It’s okay if you don’t have them all worked out, but don’t leave them unconsidered.

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Allie Curry

For the first Senior Wisdom on this Commencement Day, we bring you the wonderful Allie Curry, senior editor at The Blue and White.

Name, Hometown, School: Allie Curry; Bismarck, North Dakota; Columbia College

Claim to fame? I like words. Acquaintances most often call me out for arguing against Helen, that yes, you should tap that. 

n.b.: I was right.

Where are you going?  “Avenue of the Americas” and the early 50s by way of Bed-Stuy. I started work three weeks ago—does that mean I’ve already arrived? Also: since when do people pay me for my hard work? Asking for a friend.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Conversational French/Spanish/Poststructuralist (literary) theory
2. Television can be intelligent.
3. Irony is a mechanism by which my friends and I deflect or diminish our our own emotions—which are TERRIFYING, but also mean something, and therefore, should be trusted.

Back in my day… Swine Flu was a thing and people listened to music featuring acoustic instruments. Trader Joe’s on 72nd didn’t exist, the distinction between leggings and pants was so much clearer, and WE DIDN’T KNOW THERE WOULD BE ANOTHER ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON. I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE: HISTORY IS PROGRESSIVE, GUYS!!!!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I find James Franco’s handshake weak.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: @AjayChaudhary and students of CC, section 54: I was dumb not to say anything in class for like most of the year, because you guys actually changed my life. And I didn’t even get the Star Trek references. Radiohead, though.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese. NEXT.

One thing to do before graduating: Give yourself a deadline of two weeks. Enlist no more than three or four friends and dedicate your underage selves, earnestly, to finishing at least half of a box of Franzia each in those two weeks. Acceptable applications: V-Show, Bacchanal, Club Butler (“New York’s hottest club is…”) and your term paper, John Jay, etc.

Any regrets? Oh my god, I have a million regrets, very few of which are worth articulating in the space of this post. Trite, but I should have made several friends sooner; I should have drank more; I should have shat on the Upper Midwest less. Since we’re on the subject, as of late, I’ve been repping Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem hard. By way of oversharing “On Keeping a Notebook”, I think she’s right:

“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

Remember your past selves, allow for change, and make your memories with others. Best of luck, guys.

Sylvie Krekow

Another member of the Bwog/Blue & White (note the ampersand) family: Sylvie Krekow, rower and sweatpants-clad managing editor of the Blue & White.  Congrats on graduating today!

Name, Hometown, School: Sylvie Krekow, Sun Valley, Idaho, BC

Claim to fame: Former managing editor of The Blue & White (pro-ampersand contingent), rower, fratstar. If we’ve had class together, you probably know me as “that sweatpants girl.”

Where are you going? You know, I never liked that Dave Matthews song, and now it’s stuck in my head.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• It’s okay to tell your professors if you’re having a hard time in life and it’s adversely affecting your schoolwork. If you’re honest and upfront with them, most of them will be incredibly kind, understanding, and helpful. And, if they’re not, you can talk to your class dean — or at least write a heinous review of them when it’s time for class evals.
• You can pre-order Chipotle online, and when it’s time to pick it up, you can hop in front of all those poor saps waiting for their carnitas and guac and grab your perfectly-wrapped ‘rrito. I learned this trick junior year, and I value it more than anything I ever learned in “Confessions” (yes, Barnard girls read Augustine too).
• In class, listen. Just listen. I wish I had learned this earlier, because I was probably the most annoying, loud-mouth, hand-raised-constantly freshman ever, but at least I got it eventually (apologies to everyone who put up with me while I definitely did not get it). Your professors are incredibly knowledgeable, and you’ll have lots of time to express your own thoughts in papers or office hours or with your friends over a growler at Mel’s, but you only have so much time in the classroom. Use it wisely.
• Okay, sorry, I know this is four, and at this point, with the Chipotle thing, I’m treading dangerously thin “dumb athlete” ice (ugh) but: there is a “simple English” language on Wikipedia. If you haven’t cracked open a science book since high school and you desperately need to understand something like spacetime to pass your science requirement, you’re welcome.

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Matthew Schantz

Part of the BWorld, Matt Schantz.

Name, Hometown, School: Matthew Schantz, Bryn Mawr, PA, CC; Russian Literature & English

Claim to fame? Bad puns, gross tofu, dick jokes.

Where are you going? After writing a thesis on the foundational works of Socialist Realist literature, I’m doing the only thing that makes sense—writing agitprop for a Left-wing publishing house in Brooklyn. After that, who knows!

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Make time to hang out/ make out/ chill out/ space out/ bro out. It’s important!
   
2. In the final scene of Anna Karenina one of the main characters is strolling along when he has a revelation: He resolves to change everything about his life, to live with the utmost moral scrutiny, to treat everyone with absolute respect. Moments later, he’s in his carriage and finds himself cursing the cab driver. After beating himself up for not living up to his plan to treat everyone fairly, he realizes that’s ok. He has failed but will try again. Lesson: Dream up wild manifestos of self-betterment and plans to change the world, but don’t get too upset when you and others inevitably fail to live up to your new standards. Keep trying. And try to treat everyone with the same forgiving spirit with which you would like to be treated—they’re trying too.
3. Try to keep a sense of humor in everything you do. If you’re taking yourself so seriously that you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re probably not being critical of what you’re doing. There’s also a good chance that you’re no fun.

Back in my day… There were fewer ways to share pictures of your lunch via social media and Puppy Cops were still together.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I don’t think my existence is any more justified/ needs any more justification than anyone else’s. 

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Brian Wagner

Little-known fact: contrary to popular belief, Bwog does not stand for the Blue and White Blog, but for Brian Wagner, Original Gangster. Our second former Bwogger to share his wisdom: Brian Wagner, previous managing editor, gchat hero, and 95% of the reason Bwog did not crash on a daily basis for a year. Thanks, Brian.

Name, Hometown, School: Brian Wagner; Park Ridge, Illinois; SEAS (which surprises a lot of people for some reason)

Claim to fame: I used to write and edit things that (hopefully most of you) read. Once I did a really good job of describing the average Columbia student.

Where are you going? For now, Los Angeles to put computers in spaceships. Or robots or something. Later, who knows? I don’t like the idea of staying in one place for long.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. When you disagree with people, it’s easy to mistake your argument with their idea for an argument with their character. Once you stop doing that, it’ll make your conversations actually productive. And I’ve yet to meet someone with whom I’ve disagreed that I haven’t enjoyed grabbing a beer with.
• 2. Don’t fear failure. In order to achieve anything worthwhile, you’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. It’s okay if things don’t end well (and believe me, sometimes they don’t), because that’s how you learn. I failed a class while I was here and it taught me more about myself and the world than practically everything else. Try not to fail any classes though, cause that sucks.
• 3. The reason you’re here is likely because back in high school, you were the best. Now you’re not (probably). But that’s okay, because now you’re surrounded by literally hundreds of people who are just as smart, talented, caring, and incredible as you are. And once you learn to accept that you don’t have to be the greatest anymore, you can ditch that competitive attitude and start forming real relationships with your peers. Do it—they, morso than anything else—are the best resource Columbia has to offer, and don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help when you need it.
• 3.1. Don’t put two spaces after a period. Just don’t.

Back in my day…NSOP meant frat parties, study breaks meant J.J.’s place; NoCo wasn’t finished yet; Bwog looked bluer; EC lounges reminded me of parties and not studying; and everyone else looked older than me.

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David Hu

And now for the first of our very own graduating seniors: David Hu, former Bwog managing editor, who does some ambiguous, then not so ambiguous, admiring.

Name, Hometown, School: David Hu, Virginia Beach, SEAS

Claim to fame? Managing Editor of this Bwog thing for a year. I might have helped you draw on Low or write on Butler at some point (these don’t work that well anymore :( ). Made a few websites here and there too. Somebody once said my Gchat statuses were funny.

Where are you going? So many places! The next two months will be a blur between San Francisco, Europe, and China before I settle down in the Lower East Side and start working for Foursquare.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. The #1 most valuable thing in life is time. The #2 most valuable thing is time with friends, and #3 is time to yourself. Some people may argue swapping #2 and #3 (and I’m sometimes guilty of it myself), but don’t let that get to you.
• 2. People matter. You’ll like classes because of your professors, not the content. You’ll enjoy events because of the people around you, not the thing itself. You’ll get job leads because of your network, not your cover letter. I wish the last one weren’t as true as it is.
• 3. If you pretend to be confident, you’ll actually be confident. No one will know the wiser.
• 3.5. Don’t break rules. Bend them.

Back in my day….Club 1020 was Club Campo, and Carman didn’t have a forest in its basement. We only had one dining hall and enjoyed it. You squeezed sophomores into the doubles in EC and Juniors couldn’t regroup. Gateway was a pretty shitty class.

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Name, Hometown, School: Sam Schube, Los Angeles, CC, studying English

Claim to Fame? The Blue and White, COÖP, and I probably spoke over you in that English seminar a bunch.

Where are you going? Staying in New York, looking for editorial work.

Three things you learned at Columbia?

1. 1020 is a better living room than anything housing has to offer.
2. Poetry just isn’t for me, but Victorian lit is.
3. I’m still not sure I ever learned how to use “dialectic” properly in class or in writing, but that didn’t stop me from doing it anyway.

“Back in my day…” they called it Shea.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I’m equally interested in the death of the author and the plight of the point forward.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? As long as the university is run like a corporation, the war on fun will continue. We’re simply too big a liability to be allowed to wreak the good kinds of havoc. That’s cynical, though–you can always get away with having a good time. The terrace on the 5th floor of Kent is a fine place to start.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ll defer to Keith Richards, who’s seen some things: “Cheese is a no-no for me. Everybody else, go eat it. Just take a look at yourself. Fermented milk is not the ideal choice for everyday eating, that’s all.”

Advice for the class of 2016?

You’re never too busy to have a few with some pals at 1020. Put away your phone, especially if it’s smart; you might see someone or something interesting. Ride a bike. Try to read the occasional extracurricular novel. Play hooky to go to a baseball game. Broadly, watch sports–it’ll only add to the things you learn in class about labor, race, and history in America. Study what you love–this place needs curious students in every field–and defend it, fiercely. And never stop questioning the administration, who, to these conspiracy-seeking eyes, are more interested in LeBron-style global brandhood than healthy (uninhibited, robust, and wide-open?) undergrad education.

Any regrets? 

Too many, most of which involve 1020.

Name, Hometown, School: Sean Zimmermann, New York, NY, SEAS, Electrical Engineering (EE)

Claim to fame: Bwog ESC Reporter for 4 years, IEEE President, SciFi Club Librarian

Where are you going? I’ve accepted an internship at Microsoft for the summer. After that, I’ll return to Columbia in the fall to get my Master’s Degree.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. The people are what make this school truly great.
2. Participate in things that make you happy.
3. If it doesn’t work, check that it’s plugged in.

“Back in my day…” Dorm internet bandwidth quotas were a serious annoyance.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I knew I wanted to be an EE when I got enormous happiness from building a small green LED.

Is the War on Fun over? Though I’m not sure if it is over, there was once time I returned from a movie to a party in my suite with someone passed out in front of my door. While waiting for CAVA, I got to see a row of at least 5 public safety officers slowly approaching our townhouse.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese can provide happiness on demand, oral sex cannot.

Advice for the class of 2016: Ask for help! If you feel yourself falling behind, speak to the professor. Many will go above and beyond the call of duty to assist you. As a professor said to us during our first week in 2008 – “You already got in, you don’t have to prove anything.”

Regrets? Though I don’t have many, the greatest one was probably not learning MATLAB earlier – professors (in your more advanced classes) simply assume you know how to use it, and I could have saved myself many headaches in the long run.

Mark Hay

Claim to Fame?

Teller of too many odd stories. Hater of shoes; lover of religions. Old man trapped in twentysomething body and therefore sour grumbler of the first order. Show-er up-er in odd places.

On the laundry list side of things: Former Managing Editor of Bwog, Editor-in-Chief of Awaaz, The Blue & White, and the Columbia Political Review. Founder and Chair of the InterPublications Association. Writer for a number of other publications (and bridge between the Bwog-Spec divide).

In other words, I did all things good, inky, and nearly obsolete.

Co-Chair of the Student Wellness Project. Some involvement in South and Southeast Asian groups before I got sucked into publications. I will still answer to the name “gora ladka.”

Where are you going?

Reclusion and insanity. But before that, a grad program at Oxford. But before that, an aimless sojourn through Mongolia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan.

Three things you learned at Columbia?

1. You can’t be too worried about fucking up. That’s not a license to slack or cut corners. But stressing about messing up (and not just making an honest best effort) is responsible for at least 25% of my collegiate hair loss. You’ll piss people off, make enemies, screw up, fail, and do it all on a regular basis. Embracing failure and enmity is a great form of learning, and one that college facilitates well, especially when stewed in ego and ambition. And if you feel like you can make it through without screwing up a bit, like you don’t have to embrace failure … well, I look forward to the publication of your self-help book.
2. Four years of dealing with Columbia bureaucracy have turned me into an immaculate sleuth. Seriously, if you go to this school and you can track down the person in charge of coordinating toilet paper deliveries to dorms without suffering at least one stress-induced wall-punching session, you will have achieved Zen. I think we ought to start putting “navigating Columbia bureaucracy” on our resumes. It’s an incredible practical skill that would probably help us all secure our dream jobs with half the effort.
3. Everything you know is wrong. Everything. For everyone. And no one’s doing it right.

“Back in my day…” it was actually pretty easy to get on tunnels and roofs. I get the security concerns, but I mourn the suppression of urban exploration and history.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I’m a massive enabler. If I find out you’re into macramé, I’ll try to convince you to abandon Econ and join an arts commune I heard about in Vermont.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories?

Have you met me, Bwog? I’m a somber dude. I’m the friggin’ Switzerland of the War on Fun: I don’t participate, and whoever wins, ‘s cool with me.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese?

Oral sex. … I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a difficult question? I mean, it’s CHEESE for Wisconsin’s sake.

Advice for the class of 2016?

• “Hold fast to the spirit of youth, let the years that come do what they may.” But seriously.
• Make time for TV. Or whatever else gets you by. For me it was lots and lots of delicious TV (aka, my childhood babysitter). Just make sure that no matter how overcommitted you get, you still have time to chill and check that you’re okay as a human being.
• Stress is a useful fuel and often a necessary element of what we do, but it can’t, it shouldn’t be allowed to eat you up and define who you are… although, if you are going to use TV like I did, I highly recommend that you do not overdose on the Sorkin—that is not the stuff of chill introspection, my friends.
• College, in my really normative and preachy conception, should not be an affirmation of who you are when you come in, nor a dispassionate tool used to turn out degrees that greenlight us into prescribed and proscribed lives.
• This is a place to be uncomfortable—not by doing stupid things and winding up in bad situations, but by jarring yourself out of your comfort zone.
• I’m gonna go ahead and dare every student in 2016 to try to argue a counterintuitive point in their first paper, convincingly play devil’s advocate to themselves in class, and seriously question their involvements and friends. If you’re not uncomfortable and questioning yourself, then what’s the point of this four year daycare center for the shiftless and young?

Any regrets?

Innumerable. But few I’d ever admit to publicly. Most regrets are silly and/or pointless. Best to learn a lesson, internalize it truly, and move on if you can.

But I suppose … I could have been braver when I first came to Columbia. I was absolutely intimidated for about my first full year here. I felt really small. I let it stop me from branching out and digging in because, you know, who the hell was I? If I’d been braver back then, what might I have gained in that extra year?

Name, Hometown, School, Major: John Sarlitto, Cross River, NY (Westchester is the Bestchester), CC, Classics & History

Claim to Fame? Bwog Sunday editor, dead languages evangelist (and discontent), former history journal chair, the only person to be both “that guy” and a narcoleptic in seminar.

Where are you going? On a long hike. Figuratively that is, unless I get over my coöp trauma. Then back here for the summer to live a block from campus, work, tutor, wonder why I didn’t apply to grad school, and probably end up applying to grad school.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1.  People here tend to constantly surprise, sometimes in ways more unfortunate than the you’re-so-talented-and-I-never-knew-it! admissions brochure sort of way. So, for better and worse, don’t underestimate anyone. That’s a life lesson, but I learned it at Columbia.
2. Someone could (and should) write a Greek tragedy about the practice schedule of the Columbia archery club. I’ve inexplicably been on their listserve for four years without unsubscribing, and in that time, I have borne voyeuristic witness to all of their bizarre mishaps. Carry on, friends!
3. There’s usually a good reason that no one ever goes to those Morningside Heights places no one ever goes to. The man in that chocolate store was really nasty to me (sorry to whoever said they like it), the guy at Village Copier was even worse (I don’t know if that place counts, but still), and while everyone at Camille’s was perfectly pleasant, there was still something fishy about it.

 ”Back in my day…” John Jay had that same weirdly unforgettable smell, but I lived there (juh-jayt!). Austin Quigley’s accent made this feel like a real Ivy League school.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: At sixteen, it took me three tries to pass the New York State road test. Last week, I passed the swim test on my first go. Constant improvement.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.” –C.S. Lewis. If there is a war, Wallach->Wien->River means that I spent substantial time behind enemy lines. Even in those dark places, sedition goes mostly unpunished, so I’m optimistic.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Ancient historians have to think in terms of the longue durée, and while oral sex may be the hot startup, cheese is the blue (bleu) chip I want in my retirement portfolio.

Advice for the class of 2016: “Studying” is overrated; actually going to class and doing the reading is underrated. Streaming videos in your room is way overrated; impractically long dinners with friends are way underrated. If you enjoy writing, try taking a break from papers to write casually (preferably for Bwog, if only so that people in the comments can tell you to fuck yourself and go back to U Writing). And the piece of advice that first salvaged my time here and later made it so much fun: if you’re not satisfied, never feel too old, previously committed, or busy to do or join something new. Or meet someone new, but that much should be obvious. Trite but true.

Any regrets? So many: like the socially awkward penguin meme, I replay conversations from five years ago in my head, so don’t go by me. But I’ve never been happier or more satisfied than I was this year and this semester, which probably means it’s time to move on.

Something more in character and less sappy? I regret giving a good review to that TA who just backstabbed me with an unnecessarily bitchy grade. I take it all back, and, should we run into each other at 1020, will NOT buy you a drink.

Name, Hometown, School: Hans E Hyttinen, Earth, SEAS

Claim to fame: Helping create a tech community at Columbia with the Application Development Initiative. Some other stuff.

Where are you going? I’ll be working downtown at a startup called Turntable.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. No one is looking out for you all the time. Anticipate the best and the worst, so fewer things come as a surprise. But don’t pretend to know exactly all the things. (That said, there are many people on campus whose job, in some capacity, is to help you… if you ask them.)
2. It’s easier to ask forgiveness than get permission. Make great things and people will pretend it was their idea instead of blaming you for causing trouble. Generalizing this, every human system can be defeated. Don’t assume you can’t do something just because someone said “no” or “that’s how business is done” or “it’s always been that way”.
3. No one appreciates small caps. I took this to mean that anything can be misunderstood and that effective communication takes effort.

“Back in my day…” …you only had bwog.net and you liked it!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer. I was once convinced I was Canadian. I had to be told, “You aren’t; sorry“. Sometimes, I remember my rhetorical devices; watch out for some litotes.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Right now, Fun is losing—but the war isn’t over, and there actually haven’t been that many battles recently. No stories; I haven’t been on the front lines all that much.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m inexperienced with cheese.

Advice for the class of 2016:

• Join a club or start one! For everyone’s sake, find one thing to do on the side that’s fun or meaningful (or both!) and do your best to ensure it’ll still be here after you leave.
• Go out there and do fun things with fun people… on campus and off. Go downtown (or even to Brooklyn!) and explore as often as you can.
• Be nice to people, especially in anonymous comments. When it comes to online bickering, remember: all this has happened before and will happen again.
• Take Fencing and learn to admire Columbia’s fencing team.
• Take a computer science class, no matter what school or major you’re in. At the very least, learn how to program!
• If you can’t change something, make something.
• Subscribe to the Columbia subreddit!

Any regrets? Joining too many clubs and doing too many Spec Photo assignments my freshman year. Not going to more student performances. Not TAing. Specific to CS: skipping 1004.

Name, Hometown, School: Eliza Shapiro, New York City, Columbia College

Claim to fame: Bwog Editor 2010 (Operation Ivy League, Boringside Heights, BwogWeather, posting the video for “Welcome Back” by Ma$e too much, the “Eliza” that asked you what exactly you were so upset about in the comments at 3 AM), “Morningside Shtetl Royalty”, fact brat extraordinaire, enthusiasm (!)

Where are you going? UWS → Newsweek/Daily Beast to report about criminal justice → Brooklyn.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. The upper middle class is amorphous
2. You might need to go all the way to Cape Town for a professor to call bullshit on your use of the term “agentive”
3. Not to leave New York City, probably ever

“Back in my day…” You don’t even know from the movie theater on 107th, Columbia Bagels, the actual West End, 40s in Riverside Park.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: Didn’t check my grades for four semesters; got broken up with (over the phone, don’t worry!) in the Butler 6 stairwell freshman year; had my bat mitzvah in Lerner 555.

Is the War on Fun over? To the delightful boys of EC H606: can you please turn the fucking subwoofer down?

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ve read too many mediocre answers to this question over the last four years to answer it. I think it’s over, Bwog!

Advice for the class of 2016:

• In To the Lighthouse, the spectrum of human thought is described as a series of piano keys — Mr. Ramsay, a vaguely successful philosopher, realizes that he’s plunked down all the piano keys of thought from A to Q — an impressive feat! — but that he’ll never get past Q to R. That idea has stuck with me for a long time — be able to recognize and appreciate your limitations so you don’t go completely insane. Embrace the beauty of getting to Q — your brain just simply stopping somewhere is not a failure as much as it’s an opportunity. This happened to me with academia sophomore year and that’s when I actually started to figure things out.
• If you’re seriously competitive and ambitious (and I’ll just bet you are!) don’t make it a weird simmering WASPy secret like Harvard kids do. Be honest and elbows-out; it’s not gauche or embarrassing to tell your friends that you want to take over the world and/or make it a better place. Took me until like last week to realize that.
• You’re supposed to figure out a lot about who you are, what your values are, and what you like about other humans in college, and the best way to do these things and to handle the relentless emotional onslaught of growing up is to fall in love.
• Pre-emptive nostalgia is a waste of time.
• For your money’s worth: Delbanco, Katznelson, Anderer, Foner.
• Your friends are more important than anything; be nice to each other on the Internet and in real life.
• Borrowing a line from my high school graduation: remember that education is the quest for wonder.

Regrets? I should have been an American Studies major, but then again everyone probably should. I never got to use the outdoor shower on the roof of PrezBo’s mansion. And I shouldn’t have been such a reactionary against idealism for my first seven semesters of college. Otherwise, I did okay.

Columbia: in spite of so much, I’ll love you always.

Name, Hometown, School: Pat Blute, Cape Cod, MA, Columbia College Dual-concentration in Sustainable Development and Anthropology

Claim to Fame? Won a free trip around the world, played Dean Quigley in V115, created BwogWeather with the talented Zak Dychtwald and the inspirational Eliza Shapiro, put on SPEARS: The Gospel According to Britney thanks to an amazing cast and the musical gusto of Max Druz paired to the dancing prowess of Sara Miller.

Where are you going? I’m moving to Bangkok, Thailand the week after graduation to take high school students on ecotours. Side note: stay tuned for the 2013-2014 national theater season.

Three things you learned at Columbia? 

1. You don’t have to go to class. Or do any of the readings. Or answer any emails from your TAs. But as long as you pass everything in on time at least 50% complete. It’s a guaranteed B-.
2. It’s okay to take time off. This is an intense environment. If you have a lot going on at home, if you have high expectations for yourself, if you feel overwhelmed please don’t be afraid to leave campus. I took a semester off and moved to Australia and bartended with wild dolphins at the Tangalooma Island Resort. It was the most liberating thing and the time away helped unclench a lot of the tension this environment can pent up. I thank all the people who were there for me during my time off – it really makes coming back that much more exciting and positive. Thank you Pierre, Jin, Eduardo, Cori, Hannah, the Homegurlz, and Kel Spyrou (honorary Columbian).
3. Friendship is the most wonderful gift you can create. Just because this is a ‘stressful’, ‘competitive’ environment doesn’t mean you can forget we’re still human. You’ll make uncanny friends just by opening yourself up at this school. I had a wonderful conversation with the fabulous Ope Omojola about being ‘near’ versus ‘close’. Don’t be afraid to get close to people. If you spend a lot of time just being near, you sacrifice the beautiful things that can make this place a truly life changing experience. It’s okay to get hurt. It’s okay if you grow apart from people. There is a lot of change here. But never forget or stop appreciating the great memories. Get close to your friends. Go to Thanksgiving dinner with them (love to Kasia Borowiec and family), go to their brother’s Eagle Scout ceremony (love you Kenny Durell), travel with them north of the Arctic Circle and kill a reindeer (kudos Ajit Pillai and Anna Malkan), and chill with the Ruskis in Queens (love to Rohan Jotwani), the list goes on and I really do value all these memories! Love your friends and remind them of that often.

“Back in my day…” 

You could fly anywhere in the US during sophomore finals week for $10. Thanks jetBlue, John, Jeff and Stephen for the wackiest 24 hours in New Orleans.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart,

But the very next day you gave it away.

This year to save me from tears,

Check out anthro journal for my thesis.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories?

Hang out with your teachers outside the context of school. Ask them to grab a coffee. Become friends. Share life experiences, find out more than you can learn by just sitting in class. I took a leave of absence second semester junior year because I felt very isolated from this school. I wasn’t having a good time. I emailed Paige West, Anthropology, out of the blue and asked her for some life advice after taking her “Interpretations of Cultures” class. She had said a few things in lecture I really clicked with and just grabbing a coffee helped to form a friendship. It’s been an invaluable gift to make friends with professors.

Also: this.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? To quote Kenny on this one, “it happened.”

Advice for the class of 2016?

• If you don’t like your housing assignment, buy a hammock and move to the lounge of where you’d prefer to live. Or the floor of your friend’s John Jay single. Thank you John Goodwin and John Jay 9 for a fantastic kick off to college.
• Go to the Abbey on Wednesday nights. Ask Paul for a Van Gogh shot. Hang out with Emily, Jack and Michael and the crew. They’re really fun.
• Take a page out of the book of Karla Casariego and Julianne Maeda and say hi to everyone even as you’re just walking down College Walk. It really brightens people’s day.
• Switch to Sustainable Development. They will pay for you to go on lots of ‘field research’ vacations. And there are student/alumni happy hours. Lots of them. And you can even write papers like “Love: The Most Sustainable Development of All” and professor comments will include things like “LOL…this isn’t a research paper”.
• If you really want to make something like a Britney Spears-Jesus musical, tell everyone about it for years. Then call the right people and actually do it. It’s worth it.
• Be nice to people, and if you have nothing else to talk about you can always talk about the weather. Seriously, we’re screwed. Thanks climate change.

Any regrets? None.