If you’re planning to attend Barnard Commencement, get ready to be searched/checked/wanded/stripped/violated-in-all-sortsaways. To avoid the possibility of a nightmare scenario, Columbia University Commencement and Barnard College have been working with The White House and the Secret Service in order to ensure the security of POTUS. This means almost every gate, sidewalk, window, and building will be closed next Monday. Plan your travel routes according to this list sent in from an anonymous Agent Smit—… an anonymous tipster. If you’re not a senior and just procrastinating in Butler, you should still check out how thoroughly this is going down. Also, be on the lookout for rooftop guards that resemble statues in the next few days.

Dear Colleagues:

As you may know, President Barack Obama will be on campus Monday, May 14 for the Barnard College ceremony on the South Field Lawns beginning at 12:30 p.m.

Columbia University Commencement and Barnard College planning team members have been working closely with the White House and Secret Service team to finalize plans. As expected, the President’s visit will require extensive security measures. The following information details campus logistics, as of today, Monday, May 7.

CAMPUS IMPACT

Monday, May 14, Midnight – 6:00 a.m.

  • All gates south of 117th Street, Low Plaza, College Walk, South Field and the following buildings must be vacated and locked down. There will be no entry or activity permitted [Unless you want to get tasered].
  • Lower campus: Journalism, Furnald, Lerner Hall, Carman, Butler Library, John Jay, Wallach, Hartley, Hamilton, and Kent
  • Upper campus: Low Library, Kent, Dodge Hall and Miller Theater
  • Earl Hall (117th Street and Broadway) and Chapel gates (117th Street and Amsterdam Avenue) will be open to allow entry to upper campus [Only if you say the password. The password is boogie shorts].