May

9

Senior Wisdom: Chris Riano

Written by

This is the tenth installment in our senior wisdom series, in which we bring you awesome ’07ers whom you should have met by now.  


jdjdjClaims to fame:

Prior to attending Columbia, I worked as a high-fashion model here in New York and around the world.  While at Columbia, I served on my student council, as well as my college’s University Senator.  In that position, I have served as the Chairman of 3 Senate Committees, including the Student Affairs Caucus, which represents every Columbia University student.

Preferred swim test stroke?

I strongly believe that any stroke that gets the job done is

preferable…

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1) $6 Billion in the bank, and you can still have no money…

2) I can move political mountains, but I still cant walk on campus without tripping over my heels on college walk.

3) I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking… but I am still not sure what that is.



Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

I tend to only be existentially important at 2AM when the press calls for last-minute quotes and comments for next day’s release…



What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

The Minutemen/Free Speech controversy…  Really?  Really?



Which professor do you think would be the best kisser?

Easy… Chen Laoshi (bless her former teaching career…)

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

I dont think I have met a virgin on campus… where do they hide?

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Cheese, I don’t like things that smell that way.

Days on campus memory?



My first time walking out of Low Library… seriously isnt our campus ridiculous?

Regrets?

Often limiting my involvement to meetings and policy, instead of also being more involved socially on campus.

If you’re burning for more class of 2007 profiles, check it: Frances Howorth, Josh Bolotsky, Jenni Oki, Seth Flaxman, Maria Baibakova, Karen Fu (scroll), David Chait (scroll), Dan Okin, Anthony Walker, Nick Klagge, Claire Lackner, Paul Sonne, Karina Garcia, and Sakib Khan. 

Tags: ,

112 Comments

  1. ???  

    i don't know... this guy comes across as being a little too self-important...

  2. That's one  

    beautiful hunk of man.

  3. hahaha  

    this is too great

  4. GSers=lame  

    gsers......are they really seniors? or just graduating?

  5. CML  

    English ... motherfucker ... do you speak it? ...

    Awesome interview.

  6. wtf?!  

    "I dont think I have met a virgin on campus... where do they hide?"

    does he even go to Columbia?!?

  7. Ok, Bwog  

    I'm all for seeing GSers featured here, but this does absolutely nothing to dismantle the belief (however conceited) that GS students aren't part of the undergraduate community.

  8. wow  

    i can't believe he has $6 billion.... amazing... he must be a really good model.

  9. ,,,  

    is he gay?

    or is he a pornstar?

  10. what the fuck?  

    is this real?

  11. tester  

    you suck. Here's a test: can you stop doing that? It's not getting any less annoying.
    Unless you work for Bwog, WTF are you testing, anyway?

  12. Wait  

    Is this where the funnay is?

    Lol whut?

  13. test4  

    i'm testing to see if annoying fucks like you exist. the test obviously returned a positive result.

  14. is this  

    for real? the guy sounds like a douche.

  15. I think

    the $6 billion comment was in reference to other Columbians...I doubt anyone that young has ever made that much just at modeling, no matter how goodlooking...

  16. 6 billion  

    While this guy is a tool, he wasn't claiming to have $6B. He was commenting on Columbia's endowment.

  17. HIGH FASHION MODEL  

    Haha. Oh, silly gay boys and their heels.

  18. joke  

    is this a joke?!

  19. nah  

    chris is a cool guy... also, he's really hot.. i love GS, and this was pretty amusing.. stop hating

  20. yeah  

    i'm a cool guy... also, i'm really hot.. i love myself, and my name is chris.. stop hating

  21. Maybe  

    He's Matt Sanchez in disguise!

  22. Pancho Sanchez

    Hey I posted this on the wrong posting... but if you're curious as to what a GS Senior does after he, or in this case she, graduates:

    http://www.ericajackson.com/resume/index.shtml

    Check out her blog too:

    http://www.ericajackson.com/

    • Erica!!

      Holy fucking shit what a creepy bitch!

    • please  

      Please tell me you're joking. I'm a GSer, and if there's any chance I'll end up like Erica Jackson after graduation, I'll just drop out right now and go spend the next two years doing something else instead of finishing my degree. Because all she's done since graduating two years ago is continue to hang around Columbia and go to GS events, making me wonder if life after Columbia is really so bad that you have to keep trying to relive the GSSC glory days...

      • also  

        The irony is that every time I've spoken to her at an event, all she's done is tell me how horrible Columbia is, how awful her time was here, how all the men are sleazebags, how the place is too white...if you hate Columbia that much, why not actually leave once you graduate?

        • She is

          She is a profoundly fucked up person.
          I love how she's always going on about how poor she is, yet doesn't seem to be able to hold down a job but still manages to live quite comfortably in NYC. According to her site, she's gotten into CalArts MFA after trying and failing for every Columbia graduate degree program possible.

      • spanish inquisition

        she's... an english... major. this sort... of thing... tends to happen to english majors... perhaps?

        [alright, alright, i don't know if the ellipses are copy and pasted from riano's email, or what, but they're weird.]

        anyway, she's not a very good writer, either, going on her blog posts.

        • Her writing

          Her fiction writing is always about the same thing, a big angry sexually ambiguous ethnic woman and how she fucks over the awful white trustfund boys flocking around her.

        • oh yeah  

          I don't doubt that English majors will end up sad and unemployed, along with other liberal arts degrees. When I declared the History major, they practically gave me a pamphlet spelling out just as much. I just hope to be sad and unemployed somewhere besides campus.

          Sorry, something about this girl just bothers me. She's just so nasty and full of herself. I was so happy when she finally graduated, but I see her just as much now as I did before. And she's as conceited in real life as she is on the blog:

          "A classmate who was accepted into Columbia'as MFA writing program told me last year, "I knew exactly what they wanted and I gave it to them." I found that chilling. If that's what an MFA program is about, why not just copy the same books over and over and over again and just change the author's name and title? What scares me is that this woman isn't a great writer and she never will be. She is a competant one, yes, but her lack of self-reliance and addiction to people pleasing mean she never will be much more. Oh, she'll make great connections there and she'll be published. But her work will never truly change anyone's life."

          That's just mean because I know the girl she's talking about, and she's a perfectly nice person who doesn't deserve that. Sour grapes.

          "The other day, I signed up for the gym. Which isn't really my style, I hate that someone with all my talent is most often seen as a body and that its size, sex and color are these essentialist factors used to sum me up, to dismiss me."

          She says things like this at speaking engagements, too, none of the false humility for her.

          • The Columbia MFA

            The Columbia MFA quote is truly retarded since the friend was obviously talking about how she "knew exactly what they wanted" on the admissions essay... Jackson is a toxic person in the worst possible way. You should see her during a critique (BTW she always cries)

          • god  

            I know, right? I had a class with her once, she felt perfectly fine tearing other people's work apart - not "honesty", just pure out viciousness, especially for the white guys for some reason - but when people presented valid criticism of her work, nothing mean just "this could use fixing", out would come the waterworks.
            She applied to the Columbia MFA program and got rejected - she probably justified it by saying she's too talented for them to appreciate, and they'd rather have no-talented suckups. Now THAT is what's chilling.

          • spanish inquisition

            [oh, hell, you won't read this, there are a ton of asinine DUR GS STUDENTS AREN'T WORTH WIPING MY ASS WITH comments, why am i writing it? oh, wait, drunk, that's right]

            not all english majors end up unsuccessful! some english majors land amazing book deals! and their book covers end up being woven into some ridiculous poster, and propped up all over [insert campus building here]!

            the person i admire most at this school, presently, is a history major. so don't sell yourself short, just because some history majors have a hard time with life, and lack -sight-.

            anyway.

            what i really disliked about her writing is that, like you said, it reveals her as being an inherently -not nice- person. you don't get to be nice by talking shit about people; saying that other people are merely 'competant' is but indirect and measured scorn. (and about being 'competant' -- care to run a spellcheck?) yes, her work will change my life -- it will reveal to me the innermost faults of her personal character as she strives to inflate her ego. disturbing, certainly -- admirable, no.

            insight and valuable retrospection is rarely caused by attacking the virtues of others, or engaging in self-effacing activities.

            i'll admit to having some measure of talent (well, talent is subjective!), and i'd love to compare myself to her, but she handily dismisses herself via ad hom attacks -- more effectively than i'd be able to. so, i'll just offer commentary.

            last: not everyone at columbia is a trustfund white boy/girl; not every GS student is a stupid sack of shit who wants to ask stupid questions in class, repeatedly. (i am a GS student, and i do admit that i roll my eyes at times -- at GS, Barnard, SEAS, and even CC students. so what?) however, she plays into stereotypes -- and stereotypes do not affect interesting literary insights. if i want a stereotype, i'll turn on o'reilly or nancy grace; i won't choose to read stereotypes, unless they're really fucking funny. i'm more than capable of making up my own retarded stories by myself.

            @104: no shit. there was an interesting study out recently regarding the tendency for internet users to, well, be assholes to each other, simply because of the anonymity aspect -- and so why should bwog be different? ;) there is, however, a difference between worthless ad hom (LOL I TOOK A DUMP ON XXXXX), and analyzing the evidence that certain people want to make public. we can't appreciate the former -- we can try to analyze the latter.

            and, possibly contradicting myself here (ell oh ell drunk!!!!), but we don't always have to be nice when other people annoy us, but at least let's try to be rational about it all. sheesh.

    • McFister

      I wouldn't say that her's was representative of the GS experience. Also, creative writing major = marginally talented drama queen. Surprise.

      • oh no

        Marginally talented is being way too kind. I've had her in many of my classes and she exudes venom non-stop. Also, she just plain out smells like shit, I thought she wore diapers for the longest time and was a lot older than she really is.

  23. General Studs

    The School of General Studies is infested with gay men taking a break from crytsal-meth and 'Monster' ravaged Chelsea. Besides isn't Columbia where Will from Will in Grace went?

  24. WTF  

    PRICE
    Lucky bastard.

    McDERMOTT
    Lucky Jew bastard.

    BATEMAN
    Oh Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?

    McDERMOTT
    Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the phone with CEOs, spinning a fucking menorah.

    BATEMAN
    Not a menorah, you spin a dreidel.

    McDERMOTT
    Oh my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some fucking potato pancakes? Some latkes?

    BATEMAN
    No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.

    McDERMOTT
    Oh I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.

    PRICE
    The voice of reason. The boy next door. And speaking
    of reasonable...

    McDERMOTT
    Only $470.

  25. true  

    there's a lot more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking.

    If this guy can quote Zoolander like that, then he must be chill.

  26. deeply vapid  

    best kind of vapid

  27. The sad thing

    The sad thing is that if she was really honest about what had happened to her (assuming it isn't just borderline personality disorder) she might actually have something decent to write about. And I'll tell you right now why she didn't get accepted: she is incapable of turning out a well-crafted, completed story. Which is the #1 thing a fiction MFA is looking for (good writers are a dime a dozen).

  28. Sam I am.  

    He is hot. I did not read the post.

  29. Are you retarded?  

    He means the $6 Billion endowment and how we can't even decently fund student activities

    • What activities

      Yeah, let's shell out more money to a bunch of affirmative action admits so that they can drag our school's name through the mud a little more.

      • Excuse me,  

        shouldn't you be burning a cross on someone's front lawn?

        • i agree  

          Making fun of people for their douchey actions = funny.

          Making fun of people for their ethnicity = NOT COOL, DICKHEAD.

          I'm all for calling people on their embarassing asshole behavior, but knocking on their ethnicity/religion/etc? Hell no. Knock it the fuck off.

          • That is not

            Do you even know what making fun of someone's ethnicity would look like? Simply mentioning ethnicity doesn't count.

            Calling someone a nignog or a mongoloid idiot is calling attention to someone's ethnicity. Saying someone is chinky is calling attention to someone's ethnicity.

            But----->CALLING SOMEONE A DICKHEAD IS REALLY REALLY MEAN!

        • We can't

          All the SGA money for Kolumbia Kross-burning Klub went to pay for legal aid for minutemen protesters and GS sperm fights

  30. what  

    jeez, what the hell is going on on this post? I've never seen anything like this... even on here

    • GSers posting

      Obviously this is what happens when a couple of GSers start trying to post. You wouldn't believe some of the posts that have been deleted--links to pictures of grey-pubed genitals, posts full of random characters like someone was just slapping the keyboard... AND SO MANY CAPITAL LETTERS

  31. holy crap  

    every now and again as i go through life i come across somebody who should've got their ass kicked in elementary school and didn't. damn you, negligent bullies in this asshole's 4th grade class! now the rest of us have to suffer through his palpable self-adoration

  32. thats enough  

    i just watched a matt sanchez porno and came all over cho seung huis grave i hope erica jackson shuts the fuck up and realizes nobody gives a fuck that shes black and she needs t otake her ass back to atlanta so she can go to a blacker school, shes just annoyed that she cant get a fucking job so she blames it on racism but she needs to realize that maybe shes just a really shitty and cliched writer. badabing

  33. haha  

    GS sucks! disband GS!

  34. found it  

    I found Matt Sanchez's unreleased Fox News interview:

    http://pornotube.com/channels.php?channelId=43&m=546191

  35. hahaha  

    By the way it isn't CC 10 that is doing this, you morons.

    • AAARHJ

      I pressed my nose up to the GS lounge the other day and Sanchez was giving a live donkey show!!! And the burro wore diablo horns !!! They caught some pre-frosh and forced them to perform the most unspeakable rites in front of the owl statue

  36. Wow  

    That picture just exudes douchebaggery.

  37. Erica Jackson!

    Oh thank god someone else noticed this crazy woman! You are so right about seeing her more now than when before she graduated! She is just one of those people who is just so pathetic and needy and so self-loathing that she puffs herself up with false confidence. And its so false because it morphs into arrogance, I feel sorry for her. She probably eats a pint of ice cream every night in bed before she goes to sleep. I hope she can move on without torturing anymore GS students!

    • McFister

      I'm currently tortured by the fact that she even associated with GS. I'm not sure I even want my GS diploma anymore.

      • word  

        I want my diploma because I've worked hard for it, but I do wish people like Erica had never come to Columbia because they make all of us normal, nice, non-shit-smelling GSers look bad by association.

        • Diploma mill

          Don't worry, your GS diploma barely mentions GS

        • McFister

          I worked hard for mine too and held down a full-time job while I did it. But people like her (and others who shall remain nameless) certainly make me want to distance myself from GS. It's one thing for people to be batshit insane, but why do GS students have to do it so openly and notoriously?

          • Who else?

            There are some real fucking pyschos there. Especially in the writing department. Who else comes to mind?

          • McFister

            Well, me, for example. Actually, I don't want to name names. Jackson is fair game because she so clearly has a bone to pick with Columbia. Any writing department worth its weight is going to be a cauldron of neurosis and bedwetting. Another GS-heavy department does come to mind, though.

          • Futhermore

            Matt Sanchez isn't my first choice for GS poster child.

          • so true  

            "Any writing department worth its weight is going to be a cauldron of neurosis and bedwetting."

            So true. And let's be honest, the CCers in the writing department by and large have a few screws loose, too, but it's not as noticeable because people dismiss it as being awkward, young, naive, etc. Well, guess what, cutely crazy 20 year olds often grow up to be crazy 37 year olds minus the cute factor.

          • Right on the head

            You hit it. Minus the cute factor and plus on the creepy factor.

          • ooh  

            I got it. Why CCers hate GSers: it's not because we got in through the back door, or because we're old/er, but because we're them in 3-33 years, when intelligent+crazy (a combo that Columbia specializes in at all ages) becomes less cute and more creepy and unsettling.
            Well, CCers, embrace your future - and hygiene, embrace hygiene, something many of my fellow GSers neglect. You don't have to smell like bodily excretions to be crazy!

          • McFister

            It's sad but true. The world is exceedingly cruel to eccentrics and overvalues conformity. The eccentrics look pretty wrecked by the time they get to GS. The conformists look like, well, middle-aged white men.

          • Ultimately

            Ole Erica Jackson (and she is old, 37 or so) will end up on disability in some podunk town bragging about her Columbia degree, probably as a tenured public high school teacher, poisoning the minds of the next generation of GSers

          • karma  

            You get back what you put out there. And Erica puts out bad, nasty vibes, and tries to build herself up by tearing others down. She'll get hers in the end, people always do.

  38. MECLAC

    Must be MECLAC... notice how GSers are never in the sciences or math department? Hey I'm GS too

  39. McFister

    Excellent choice. Though I'm sure there are non-ideologues in the department, I haven't met them.

  40. alright

    I have a feeling the GS vitriol in this thread is being spewed over and over again by the same person.

    At any rate, I had a class with Chris last year, and found him to be a smart, passionate student -- and a member of the University Senate. In fact, he added quite a bit to what was a small humanities course. He's also agreed to match this year's GS class gift. If he's loaded, so be it. Many CC/SEAS families are loaded too. Nothing changes the fact that he's a both a good person and a good student.

  41. ...

    Most GS students are harmless, intelligent people that probably would have gotten into Columbia (or one of its peer institutions) had they been in their current position straight out of high school. There's nothing wrong with giving those students a Columbia education later in life. Unfortunately, it's the few bad apples, like that Erica character, that muck it up for the other 1200 students in the school. Thankfully, the other divisions have their characters too.

  42. Sprinkles  

    Wow, Chris Riano is a genuinely awesome person - in December, he promised to personally match all donations to the GS Senior Gift, which goes to financial aid. It's also fantastic that he was too modest to mention it in his Bwog interview.

    http://www.gs.columbia.edu/cgi-bin/newspages.dll/pages?sitename=COLAD&record=479&htmlfile=gsnews2.htm

    ALL HAIL CHRIS RIANO.

  43. is this  

    jeffrey hunter northrop?

  44. Philistine  

    What makes fashion "high"?

  45. He sounds  

    like he's sucked way more than 3 caucuses during his time here.

  46. CML  

    So after reading this battery of invective (and countless others) I have come to the conclusion that the greatest downfall of Bwog commenters is that they judge people for stupid reasons based on the very limited information they have about them. Don't hate the person, hate the lame article that he writes or the vapid interview that he gives. The gifts Chris has splurged on, the positive anecdotes other commenters who actually know him related, etc. are ample evidence that he is awesome and that if all the haters met him in person they would probably like him. But they sit instead behind the fortress of the internet, firing barbs that indicate their own securities and just being douchebags for the sake of being douchebags. Ok, cool.

    • mike  

      well said, I completely agree. There's this weird tendency on Bwog to just be extremely negative of everything. I think it has a lot to do with the anonymity of it. I realized that I personally was so much more of an asshole on here than in real life, so I started posting with my real name to give myself some accountability.

    • And just who the

      Fuck is CML? Cunt Meat Lover? Crabby Munch'o'Liver? Crip Me Latta?

      Sounds like he/she/it is the asshole

  47. mike  

    Everyone that's corrected #8 for "misunderstanding" the comment about $6 billion...

    The commenter was JOKING.
    It was FUNNY.
    Come on, this is Bwog. Get with the program.

  48. CML  

    I mean insecurities. Jesus.

  49. $6 Billion

    was a reference to GS's lack of financial aid funding from the university. well, that's what you get for the privilege of being a "shadow" cc without the ridiculous admissions requirements.

  50. spanish inquisition

    oh yes, the prior comment was aimed at #47, whoever the fuck you are. can we get some threaded replies up in this bitch? this current comment system sucks, royally. as in, they got a dyson vacuum setup. slapped Elizabeth's coat of arms on it, and started singing God Save The Queen while they put vacuum to blog comments.

    christ.

  51. McFister

    This guy is going to match the GS Senior Class Gift and he doesn't expect anything in return? Now that's a cool guy in my book. Fuck all the haters.

  52. McFister

    Your $100 dollar contribution would also be tax deductible.

  53. CML's identity

    CML = Chris Morris-Lent

    Chris Morris-Lent = Douche

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.