Senior Wisdom: Zach van Schouwen
Written by Bwog Staff
Senior Wisdom continues with Bwog’s very own webmaster/graduating SEAS senior, Zach van Schouwen.
Name, School: Zach van Schouwen, SEAS
Claim to fame:
I’m the campus tech czar—plus I’m a first-generation Bwogger and therefore guaranteed a podium in the Senior Wisdom series.
Like everyone else in the computer science department, I’ll be working at Goldman Sachs. Eventually, a graduate career in city planning.
Preferred swim test stroke?
The engineer! … I don’t take that test.
What are three things you learned at Columbia?
* Hungarian Pastry Shop was better before it was in the NYT.
* I’m terrified by ambitious people with resources and social skills.
* I really dodged a bullet by not getting into Princeton.
Justify your existence in 30 words or less.
My hand is in every computer here. When I leave, all software will grind to a halt; you’ll have to form lines in the gym to register for classes.
What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?
When the Minutemen hit, I was woken up—for the second time that night by journalism. Since then, I’ve made it a rule to monitor all campus drama from the safety of a bed in an undisclosed location in the outer boroughs.
What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?
A junior-year programming seminar with 12 students that I’d been skipping for four straight weeks. When I finally came in, feeling guilty, there was nobody but me and the instructor. Staring awkwardly at each other for two hours.
Which prof do you think would be the best kisser?
Comp sci majors aren’t exactly known for our studly professors, but Hannah Arendt taught here awhile back… yum!
What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?
I think a better question is what percentage of virgins are Columbia seniors. That number’s probably well over 75%, globally.
Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?
Well, I already don’t eat cheese.
Days on Campus memory?
I was the Carman Orthodox floor’s shabbas-goy, and spent the rest of the time getting lost in Brooklyn and in the CEPSR powerhouse. So it was exactly like every other day I spent at Columbia.
I’m leaving CU a year early—and left the campus permanently, six months into my freshman year—so naturally I’ve got some legitimate regrets. But it’s cheaper and easier to give some old standards: I wish I’d taken more liberal arts courses, wish I’d gotten out more, and sometimes—only sometimes!—wish I’d gone to a college where people played frisbee and talked to each other.