24-CAT-POETBwog presents the winners of the Philolexian Society’s 24th Annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest. We hear it was positively painful to your ears.

Winner: “Balloon Boy by Philip Glass” by Edward Rueda (CC’05), with Everett Patterson (CC’06), 2009 Kilmer Laureate

1st Runner-Up: “Ballad of the Frozen Heart” by Laura Baur-Jaronowski (CC’06)

2nd Runner-Up: “Hamilton and Madison” by Alec Webley (SAS’11, UPenn)

Dishonorable Mention: “Stalker, a Love Poem” by Marley Weiner (BC’10)

Dishonorable Mention: “Tubular” by Samantha Kuperberg (BC’10)

Dishonorable Mention: “Chinese Teashop Rap” and “Crime and Punishment Rap” by Dexter Thompson-Pomeroy (CC’12)

Dishonorable Mention: Untitled math sonnets by Adam Levine (GSAS)

Dishonorable Mention: “If God, Then: Newark, New Jersey. Or: Up, Up, Down, Right, Left, Dog Poop. Or: God/Jay Michaelson: The Antichrist?” by Michal Richardson (BC’06)

The texts, audio clips, pictures, and even a video of the winner, will all be posted on Phlog in the next couple days. Check regularly for updates!