The Ethics of Butler Camping
Written by Bwog Staff
With midterms approaching, seats in Butler come at a premium. The number of alternative options is growing, but whether it’s the pleasing symmetry, or its world class ranking we can’t help coming back for more. So for dedicated Butler-ites, and also for those who are just trying to cram a half semester’s worth of reading in one week, Bwog presents a Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Butler Morals.
- Leaving Your Shit
- Need to go pee? Universal sentiment drives you to it, so Hume says it’s A-Okay.
- Need to make a food run? Hobbes recognizes that it mutually benefits everyone if we allow each other to get some food every now and then. But apparently life isn’t the only thing that is nasty and brutish (looking at you Butler Cafe coffee…) It’s okay to make a Starbucks, Oren’s, or Joe’s run. Food is allowable as well, but please don’t bring back overly fragrant Indian food, and save those loud crackly Sun Chip bags for the hallway.
- Need to leave for 3 hours so that you can watch Lord of the Rings? Machiavelli sez we should ruthlessly jack your shit. If you notice that someone has been gone for over an hour, then feel free to wave over that distraught freshperson who just wandered into the room, and reassure him or her that the MIA person’s spot is now free. Now he or she owes you…
- Moving Peoples’ Shit
- Apparently there is an official policy about kicking out campers. We can treat that like Eastern philosophy and ignore it.
- Only a few books? Kant rambled incoherently for 30 pages about this problem. Not really sure what he meant, but let’s say that I have a duty to not waste my life trying to figure it out, and I’ll just satisfy my inclination to move aside those books.
- A few open books and notebooks?Ask the people who were around when the person left. Use your judgement. But what is judgment? Can we trust reason? What if the books don’t really exist? What if I don’t exist?
- Laptop chained to a chair/lamp messy papers all around? This is one is tricky because people most often chain their laptop if they plan on being gone for an extended period of time. Again, ask neighbors. If it has definitely been over an hour, arrogantly push aside everything and assert your natural right to ass-chair association. Then murder everyone who you suspect disagrees with you. At least that’s what the French would do…
The bottom line is that we have limited space to work with, and so we need to use it efficiently and morally. What would we do without the Core?
Tags: butler, bwog kant stop using tags to procrastinate studying for cc midterms because it's rousseau addicting, camping, contemporary civilization, only at columbia, schadenfreude, this is all you need to know for the cc midterm, WWJD?