Senior Wisdom: Benjamin Weiner
Written by Bwog Staff
Rise and shine with a warm cup o’ wisdom
Name, school: Benjamin Weiner, Columbia College
Claim to fame: I wish it were getting my songs stuck in people’s heads. It’s probably having embarrassingly luscious locks for sophomore and junior year.
Where are you going? Bonnaroo. Then a long nap. Then working on Pants the Musical with Katie Hathaway, BC’10. Pants will change your life.
Three things you learned at Columbia:
1. The best way to figure out what you actually ENJOY doing, versus what you do out of obligation, is to cut out everything and see what you miss. This is what study abroad is for.
2.When someone hands you an ice cream scoop filled with Nutella and Bailey’s, after you’ve already had too much to drink, eat it. You will vomit. But you will gain much more than you lose.
3. Napping with your work on your face makes you feel productive.
“Back in my day…” People owned days. My day was Tuesday. Then we gave them all to Facebook.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer:
From my colorblindness song:
I mustered up my courage (yellow)
Wrote you a song
Played it in Wallach and you looked melancholic
And I asked what was wrong…
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? We’re doing OK, see 40’s on 40. But know that Public Safety can also save you from yourself. Once, I found myself with my suitemates pushing a blue bin with a certain affroed senior engineer inside of it towards Low Steps. This engineer, being Zak Accuardi, wasn’t about to protest. But if Public Safety hadn’t seen that brown afro bopping up and down, I would have spent a majority of my Columbia career wheeling my roommate around in a wheelchair. He would have been chill about it. But I would have felt bad.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Oral sex. With the condition that when you take a photo everyone in it yells “Oral Sex!”
Advice for the class of 2015:
-Start a Lit-Hum comment with the phrase “If I had done the reading…”
-Suggest that the five people you are gchatting with, who are also gchatting each other, all go eat something.
-Be in a play. Especially if you can’t act. They won’t notice.
-Make a new tradition! You can do that. (For confirmation, linger in the Butler bathrooms on the Sunday before finals week.)
-“No” is a powerful word. No, you will not go to a random fundraiser on 23rd St. at 11PM on a Monday. No, you will not write a hollywood-style score for a documentary about bowel movements. You won’t do these things. Don’t say “Maybe!”
-When someone asks you how it’s going, don’t tell them how much work you have, or how little you’ve slept. Tell them what you’ve eaten recently. They’ll be overjoyed.
Any regrets? I worry that in a couple of my classes I was That Kid. I maybe should have hidden in the back every once in a while. Or I should have worn a suede vest and quoted Nietzsche in every class so that I was definitely That Kid. Also I was never featured on Bwog OH WAIT