Overseen: Homeless Prefrosh Riot

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Freshpeople hankerin' for a little fraternité

In an apparent effort to jade our incoming 2015 prefrosh before, rather than after, NSOP, Housing has already let down our youngsters. Last year, 14ers got their assignments on July 2nd. This year, Housing only finally released a few today—and then stopped. Predictably, a shitstorm ensued on the 2015 Facebook page.

One student posted, “Housing is up already?!? I’m serious!” Some students disbelieved her, others demanded screenshots, still more condemned her as a troll. But it was true: some freshlings have received their housing assignments and others have not. Freshpeople, after your heart rate falls, check out our first-year housing reviews so you can agonize more. We’re sorry: Wallach doubles are just the worst.

Here are some flavorful highlights from the thread. At the time of posting it was at 291 comments and still growing. This manic activity would suggest that there are bitches going crazy way before they even arrive at Columbia, which could shed new light on the debate over whether Columbia destroys our souls. Just kidding ’15ers! Correlation does not imply causation.

Chill, Bro

  • “how hard can it be?”
  • “if ur trolling i will b very mad”
  • “well, if other people actually get it, start a doc” [As in, have a Google Facebook document into which every freshling would enter their Housing data, presumably so they can then rate every first year floor by attractiveness and depth of literary pursuits.]

So Much To Learn (They Will Never Email You)

  • “I haven’t heard too much about Wallach aside for it being the LLC. Do you know if it’s fairly social and what not? I never really looked into it a wallach double wasn’t in my first eight choices…”
  • “i don’t think these are real. columbia wouldn’t give you something that’s not in your top 8 choices and they would have e-mailed us.”
  • “I keep refreshing cubmail because we’re supposed to get emails with all this stuff.”
  • “NOT OKAY. I’m supposed to be at work.. But I just keep refreshing my Housing App…….”
  • “sooo I got a Wallach double… anyone know what this meansss?”

Getting It Already

  • “I think this is an exercise to help us develop the proper cynicism in our fellow Columbians.”
  • “i’m not sure what’s more alarming–the pace and mania of this thread or the fact that one of my future suitemates’ username is “Tangasinthejuice””
  • “I feel like we’re going through a crisis together, one of those moments…where were you?”
  • Kids, we’re reaching out to our friends at Housing for an explanation assure us that all freshmen assignments will be completed by the end of the week. No word on why there was such a holdup. You should check back with the StarRez on Friday for your assignments.

    UPDATE: Housing assignments have been released. Any estimations on the cumulative volume of tears of joy/relief/anguish being shed right now?

    Historic moment via Wikimedia

    Tags: , , , , , , ,


    1. CC'15

      I got my assignment but it was in some place called Harmony Hall. I hear that is a very popular topic here--can someone tell me where to find it?

    2. Anonymous

      these kids are batshit crazy and they haven't even started

    3. Anonymous

      this just made my day. "we're supposed to get emails with all this stuff". HA

    4. CC14 URC membz

      thanks for the lolzy quotes bwog, but the reason some of us are "getting it already" is cause we're not pre-frosh...

      regardless, bitches. be. cray. zee.

    5. Anonymous

      I think by "doc" they were referring to a Facebook Group doc, not Google doc.

    6. CC'11

      The juxtaposition of the first two comments were beautiful. Thank you, Bwog.

    7. CC 15

      sadly, more than a third of these comments are mine. I'm embarrassed

      • Anonymous

        Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4" 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.

        • can I haz

          the plane ticket?

          • Anonymous

            Dude, i'm gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I'm being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you're a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking
            serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously..

    8. Anonymous

      Freshmen have more than 8 choices on where to live?

      • let's see  

        John Jay

        That's only 6...but I think they let you pick single or double. So that gives you around 10 options.

        • CC 15

          Yeah, and considering that being placed out of your top 8 could mean, like, requesting a double in Carman with your friend and getting a single in the LLC, it'd really suck if people got that low priority of picks.

          But I think people's requests for dorms are pretty distributed in our class, even just between singles and doubles, so I don't think it'll get that bad unless things get weird.

          • it happens  

            Two years ago, some of my friends ended up in the LLC even though they put it dead last. So it happens. Of course, it turned out they loved it and they stayed there for soph year too, bypassing the lottery.

            Thing is, Columbia doesn't look at everyone's preferences and try to distribute the housing so everyone gets their first choice. They go one at a time in a random order, and if you're first choice is already taken, they give you your second, and so on. The people who end up "choosing" last will always end up in the least popular dorms (i.e. LLC), regardless of their preferences.

    9. Anonymous

      LOVE this. Miss you Bwog.

    10. oh my god

      the incomning freshmen make me want to fucking kill myself

    11. Normal 15er

      We are not all this bat shit crazy!!! I have not checked housing at all yet.

    12. CC11

      ohhhh, how i'll miss the and your craziness CU

    13. CC15er

      erm....we only had 8 options

    14. Anonymous

      heres another gem: " If I don't get into dorm I want after this, you may see on the news that I went supernova and left a supermassive black-hole where the despair and anguish in my soul condensed..."

    15. Man Up

      How are the freshmen this stressed before they even step on campus? C'mon 2015, you gotta be stronger than that. If you're like this over housing then you got another thing coming once school starts.

      • Anonymous

        Oh. Please.

        Did everyone miss the wailing in the streets and rending of garments when housing fucked up the sophomores' and juniors' housing? The prefrosh are not being any more crazy-weird than everybody else was then.

      • Anonymous

        it. is. not. that. hard. I know that believing it is gives a lot of kids at Columbia the self-righteous, insecure satisfaction that they need, but with the amount of grade inflation in most (if not all) departments at CU, it's just not that hard to do well (or--at worst--decently). I transferred to Columbia from an "easier" school, and while the students in class are of a higher caliber and all that blah blah blah, the fact of the matter is that so many classes at our school are big enough that you don't really have to read or participate thoroughly to get an A. the hardest part of college these days in the U.S. is getting in--it's pretty much a lawn chair and a margarita after that, and if it's not? chances are you take yourself too seriously, or you're one of those kids who thinks that bragging about the amount of time it takes to do your homework makes you look smart...when in actuality it just reveals to the rest of the world that you have shitty study habits and need external validation for doing work that we're pampered and lucky to be able to be doing in the first place. EVERYONE at columbia needs to calm down, sac up and keep things in perspective.

    16. CC11

      blargh I miss Columbia and all its stupid housing problems.
      I kinda want to be complaining too. that's how we show Columbia love, right?

    17. CC 11

      apt post for bastille day, no?

    18. Anonymous

      holy shit. chill, youngins.

      if you get your housing assignment in may, june, july, or august, you still move in the same day.

    19. Anonymous

      thumbs up if you're a recent columbia graduate and unemployed.

    20. Jesus

      who gives a shit? This really isn't a big deal in the larger scheme of life. You're not leading a patrol in Afghanistan or being executed in Iran. Chill the fuck out

    21. Tony Lee

      soooooo... Guess who got a wallach double? Someone please tell me there is a way out of this. Wallach double was literally my last choice. Top two being a JJ single and a Carman double. With every Columbia student telling me that I would get my top two choices, a lot of kids this year got screwed, getting halls that weren't even on their list or in their bottom two, like mine.

      • Anonymous

        might as well transfer to cornell

      • CC 14

        Last year there was a thread on the FB group looking for room switches. Post your room. Literally anything is better, so take the first trade offered. I'm not sure if you can trade twice, but then maybe trade that again? Just find some poor sap and GET SOMETHING ELSE.

        • Anonymous

          Unfortunately, no one wants to switch with the 20 people trying pathetically to get out of their wallach doubles (Thanks, Bwog!)

          Yeah, I'm just going to try to transfer to a JJ single at the beginning of the school year.

          If there are going to be empty JJ singles, though, why couldn't columbia just give me my first choice? =_=

      • also

        theres always empty singles in JJ or another section of the LLC..very easy to switch, say you have allergies or something like that. i know a girl who did it halfway through the year. also people tend to hate their roommates and switch out of carman, so look out for that, too

      • Here's what's going to happen  

        There will be a frosh couple who end up banging in each others room every night. One of those people will be your friend. Do a room swap since they are never in their nice JJ double. Also, You could talk your room mate into doing a swap with a Sophmore/Junior/Senior couple who want to live with each other.

    22. Anonymous

      YO freshies, check out bored at butler dot com

      • ooo fracking no  

        I don't need a bunch o' trolls on that site. It's fairly decent now, I would hate for our [email protected] to turn into Yale's. If you do go, just don't ask for sex, it is not a hookup board.

    23. Yo '15ers  

      Stop worrying about housing and wasting time on Facebook. Register to vote either in this state or absentee in your own state. It's so how little college students vote, do it, do it now: http://www.elections.state.ny.us/nysboe/download/voting/voteform.pdf

    24. CC12

      Ah this is starting to make me feel nostalgic for my freshman year... and crazy that we have CC15, I had lost count of the new years...
      Beginning of the end...

    25. Anonymous

      Maybe he/she didn't know.

    26. Anonymous

      Batcave: single and double

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