Sep

12

Opening Remarks Part II

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Two diligent students hanging on to their professor's every opening remark. (Or responding to text messages from behind their computer screens.)

Here are a few more quotes from your witty and wry professors. Like, um… Pringles, the, uh, fun of professor remarks doesn’t stop after the first day. Feel free to send in any weird, kitschy, or cute thing your professor says as the year progresses.

Prof. Musatti

”Unfortunately, most societies still believe in…monogamy.”

John Magyar, Inorganic Chemistry

“For the first exam, you’ll need to memorize the periodic table. Otherwise, you won’t know the difference between Ruthenium and Rubidium or be able to understand how the valence electrons can make molecules like CH4 tetrahedral and BH3 trigonal pyramidal. Actually…(glances at periodic table) I guess there’s not a lone pair there so it’s actually trigonal planar.”

Erik Gray, Romantic Poetry

“So Romanticism is a reaction to the Enlightenment, but it’s not just the opposite. Thinking that would be the grandma-is-a-virgin fallacy.”

Emanuel Zur, Financial Accounting

“I know everything about you. I stalked you all on Facebook. Seriously, some of you should take down some of those photos. They’re pretty obscene.”

Peter Kelemen, Earth: Origin, Evolution, Processes, Future

“Until I was 18 I had to look at my hands and remember which thumb I sucked to in order to know which hand was my left and which one was my right.”

Sunil Gulati, Principles of Economics

“Jeff Sachs is the reason many of you wrote in your college essays that you wanted to come to Columbia. 11 of you did. I checked. I didn’t check, but I’m guessing.”

Stephen Edwards, Fundamentals of Computer Systems

”The number of t-shirts you can understand on thinkgeek.com is the best indication of your ability as an engineer.”

Richard Billows, The Ancient Greeks

“These lectures are going to present you with one perspective on Greek history. Mine! Unapologetically.”

Rashid Khalidi, History of the Modern Middle East

“I see some of you have computers open. I assume and I hope that you are taking notes. As a general rule I assume that the people up front are taking notes and those in the back are doing something else.”

Sunat Kumar, Principles of Process Design

“Does anyone know what a Capstone course is?  This course will bring together everything you DID NOT learn in the past 3 years.”

Irving Herman, Applied Physics

“My uni is iph1. It took me a while to realize I’m an iPhone.”

Richard Bulliet, History of the World Since 1500

“Nobody knows everything that happened [in the history of the world] except for God, me, a few other people…”

Josh Bell, Poetry and Prose of the Bible

“Honestly, I’d rather be a vampire than write a book. They live forever. You won’t care when you’re dead.”

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6 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    Richard Billows, Fall of the Roman Republic:

    "Every Magistrate wanted to be a Consul because Romans liked getting booty."

  2. Anonymous  

    Professor Billows rocks!

  3. Anonymous  

    Ronald Breslow, Intensive Organic Chemistry for Freshmen

    Reaching for a pole to elevate the blackboard:

    "I asked them to give me a pole. Oh! It seems they've given me two... I've got a dipole, here."

  4. musatti...  

    tries too hard.

  5. Anonymous  

    Professor Gray use the same RoPo intro in 09, and I still love it

  6. Anonymous

    John Magyar is adorable

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