Sep

26

The Forgotten Freshman: An Interview

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Where did he come from? Why Broadway? Is this woman wearing any clothing? Filed under: things we'll never know, for sure.

Bwog happened upon a freshman living in an upperclassman dorm who doesn’t have a meal plan and wasn’t pre-registered for Core classes—what’s going on here? That’s what we were wondering, too. Chief Freshperson Scrutineer Alexandra Avvocato investigates.

Bwog: So I hear rumors that you’re currently living in Broadway. How exactly did that happen?

Forgotten Freshman: Columbia isn’t always a place where things make sense.

Bwog: Well…when did you first know about it? In the email?

FF: Yeah, it just said “Broadway” in the email, and I didn’t really think about it ’til I got here.

Bwog: Did you notice that you were the only freshman in the dorm during NSOP?

FF: I wasn’t even here for NSOP. I got here on the first day of classes. My cab here broke down over the bridge and we had to push it.

Bwog: What?

Freshperson calmly repeats his statement.

Bwog: Ok. So, how does it feel to be the only freshman in an upperclass dorm?

FF: It’s pretty cool. The people are nice; everyone kinda thinks it’s funny. But there’s an upperclassman living in Furnald who I might switch with since he obviously deserves the upperclassman dorm.

Matt, Bwog’s associate: Don’t do it! The rooms are shoeboxes!

FF: Yeah, but some of these freshman dorms are awesome. John Jay has all this wood panelling, Furnald’s lobby is awesome. The Broadway lobby looks like a doctor’s office.

A debate ensues on the relative merits of Broadway and Furnald. Topics include room sizes, bathrooms, social life, and how “kinda 70s retro” each dorm is.

FF: Well, yeah, it’s an interesting situation. I mean, I also don’t have a meal plan.

Bwog: They never gave you one?

FF: They never had me fill out for one or anything. I have 1500 Dining Dollars that roll over, and that’s my meal plan. And I wasn’t registered for Core.

Bwog: What?

FF: Yeah, they didn’t preregister me. It was kinda funny, I was trying to register for UWriting and everything was full. The conversation with administration was kinda like “Well, what do you want us to do?” “Register me!” “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”

During a break for pastries, it is revealed that the FF is actually a returning freshman who took a gap year after three weeks in Carman in 2010. Conspiracy theories spark about improper filing.

Bwog: So essentially they forgot about you.

FF: I wouldn’t say that. I mean, I really don’t mind. The subtle chaos that you find on campus is part of what drew me here and part of what makes it so wonderful.

Philosophic murmurs of agreement.

FF: So, what is this interview for?

The mysteries of the forgotten freshman may never be solved. There is unanimous agreement, however, that he should just not have registered for Frontiers of Science.

 A sultry smile via Wikimedia Commons.

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8 Comments

  1. this kid...

    sounds pretty awesome.

  2. Anonymous  

    he took a gap year

  3. Anonymous  

    can we b friendz?

  4. Anonymous  

    Great one, Bwog!

  5. Matt  

    I'm mentioned in bwog!! Love you alejandra

    • Well

      Yeah, but what are you talking about? Furnald singles are almost all bigger than Broadway singles. That's why it was such a joke when the administration removed Furnald from general selection and told the seniors they could live in Broadway instead oh so many years ago.

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