Jan

22

Shit My Textbook Says: Giraffes Have Big Hearts

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Discovered in a graduate-level animal physiology physics textbook (Fishbane’s Physics for Scientists and Engineers). For those of you who’ve always had a place in your heart for giraffes, know that they evidently have one for you in theirs as well. Bwog uses our well-rounded liberal arts education to analyze it in this interdisciplinary exercise, while exercising all of our will-power not to use the phrase “heteronormativity.”

Bernoulli was a fantastic zoo companion.

Bwog’s analysis got an A/A- in Art Hum: This is a clear example of a post-modern minimalist piece with hints of inspiration from Magritte.  The abstracted paper with three straight edges and a torn lower side represents the indecision found in modern America, especially in terms of politics and the race for the GOP nomination.  The labeled heart and artery, in addition to the neck and head, are demonstrably phallic, with the internal organ resembling a sperm.  The sperm travels away from the head and toward the heart and rear, indicating a turn from pragmatism and rebirth of the sexual revolution.  The flaccidity of the neck recalls the inadequacy found in 95% of men ages 14-58 reported by women, after viewing Crazy Stupid Love.  The striking, curvy Mondrian outline of the animal is without any breaks or smudging, a symbol that the artist is keeping passion bottled inside, an unrequited, self-destructive love (reiterated by the concealed arrow pointing at the heart).  Finally, the lack of ears on the figure is reflective of the artist’s call for the viewer both to listen rather than speak and to contemplate for herself rather than to take opinions from 24-hour news stations and Jon Stewart.

In conclusion, the giraffe is a social construct.

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8 Comments

  1. uh  

    excuse me, but the only "striking, curvy Mondrian outline of the animal" i'll be analyzing is a smoking cute seas girl with an oversized cerebellum, preferably jewish.

    - jewish-loving seas guy

  2. Anonymous  

    this is actually insane. i love it.

  3. You know what they say  

    about giraffes with big hearts ;)

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