Apr

11

Coming Sunday: Days(ed) on Campus

Written by

Your prospie, next year.

A tipster overheard the following at the Amsterdam gates:

Days on Campus Host student: “The kid’s gotta know what college is really like! Which is me, drunk, all weekend!”

Which reminds us, Days on Campus begins this weekend, raising many questions. What will you do with them? What will they do with you? And most importantly, why in the world would Columbia subject the dear prospies to the horrors of Bacchaweekend? Bwog is committed to providing a most excellent coverage of these dilemmas, as well as egregiously prospectivious overheards (as tipped by you), and any opportunities we hear of for you to steal free t-shirts and food from the babies. Tomorrow, we begin our coverage with a guide to how your propsie can/should escape from you. For now, we’ve included a beautiful guide from last year’s DoC, How to Scar Your Prospie.

How To Scar Your Prospie

General purpose

  • Physically
  • Introduce them to the sketchiest grad student in 1020
  • Sexile them
  • Ask them if they’ve read it in the original language; scoff
  • Neglect to tell them to switch to the 1 from the 2 or 3 at 96th.

Columbia

  • Tell them about Frontiers / “FroSci”
  • Sign them up for the Earth Institute listserv
  • Wake them and stare into their soul with your blood-shot, Red Bull-fueled 4 am Butler-eyes
  • Feed them John Jay’s vegan “riblettes”
  • Leave them in Mudd
  • Bombard them with acronyms
  • Pressure them into smoking their first Butler cigarette

Barnard

  • Hand them a flyer that says “go green: use a diva cup!”
  • Tell them that boys aren’t allowed in the dorms
  • Take them to Lehman instead of Butler
  • Make them steal kosher brownies for you at Hewitt; wait for them to get yelled at
  • Use the phrase “strong, beautiful barnard woman” more than 5 times in an hour
  • Burn your bra in front of them
A well-adjusted propsie via Wikimedia Commons

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9 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    this is hilarious....

  2. Anonymous

    Yo, Bwog, you might want to edit copy on that caption.

  3. Anonymous  

    this is the only thing that bwog is good for...

  4. Anonymous  

    It looks like Carman has had the same lounge chairs since this image was created.

  5. Anonymous

    Taking my prospies to the heights...wrong?

  6. Anonymous

    While every African I have met has earned my respect for their amicability, hard-working mentality and generally warm disposition, African Americans appear to be comparatively racist, impolite and scummy (taken as a whole). Does this make me racist if I prefer black Africans to African Americas?

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