May

6

Senior Wisdom: Mario Gabriele

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Name, Hometown, School, Major: Mario Gabriele, London, UK, Columbia College

Claim to Fame: My time in Morningside was pretty devoid of fame, though I did stumble into a little infamy while abroad in Nepal. An angry middle-aged villager in the Himalayas is not fond of me…I called him a naughty man in nepali (never say that), he chased me me with fist-sized stones. A sort of justice?

Where are you going? Heading to Eastern Europe with the lads before starting work in the city. I’ll be doing strategy work for a corporate litigation boutique, which is a lengthy way of saying I’m hoping I’ll get to frazzle some white collar crimz.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. The Core is epic, and not solely in the literal sense. You start off thinking it’s sort of cool, then its dinner-party drivel and finally, you realize it’s informed the way you think at a fundamental level.
  2. You can top up flex online. I figured that out a month ago. Yikes.
  3. People are pretty much always down to help out.

“Back in my day…” There was bottle service at Campo! Also, the servers intermittently dressed up as Elvis, Michael Jackson and Super Mario. Obviously, the last one was a massive boost on a night out. It was like the last days of Rome.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: My hair’s neon yellow which means I look a little like a highlighter. On the upside you could definitely pick me out of a line up.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Is there a war? I can’t say I’ve been very militant about any of it. The worst of it was probably when I was messing around with CU Parkour and Public Safety stopped us from bouncing off walls or jumping off ledges. Which seems pretty fair.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Who is enforcing this question? Is Bwog holding a gun to my head? There are so many questions. If this is the way the regime is going, we are all in trouble. I’m going underground.

Advice for the class of 2016: Go abroad. Go somewhere axially different than home. If you’re already somewhere different than home, do it again. You never regret travel.

Regrets? Be bold (this sounds like im advertising for BlackBerry…)Strike up subway conversations, jump into new worlds. The regrets I have are failings of this sort.

As a final word: Thank you thank you thank you. I feel lucky to have had these past four years, and am very grateful to the brilliant students and teachers here. Damn fine ride, 2012.

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17 Comments

  1. The Dark Hand

    The hairstyles this guy wears around are almost as bad as spec articles

  2. Anonymous  

    I love that you said "top up flex." You are most definitely a Londoner.

  3. 1610  

    an Exceptional human being.

  4. The Furtive Dingleberry  

    I would like to rub napali delights all over this man's hot chest while he whispers wisdom to me fondly. Moreover, I would like to rub this goey polymer of male birth control all over his back while he talks about the numerous gingers we will have together. and the spc sucks. spécsucks.wordpress.com

  5. Dana  

    congratscongratscongrats on your graduation. Your wisdom is so enlightening! I feel so much smarter! What a guy!!! !!!!!!!!

    -DPrush

  6. Anonymous  

    I do not recommend striking up subway conversations. You will learn things you did not want to know.

  7. CC12  

    From freshman year Lit Hum to random run-ins now, you make me happy, Mario. Wish I'd gotten to know you better. Stay classy, good sir.

  8. Anonymous

    He was the first guy I saw when I moved into the dorm and it was then when I realized that attractive men do in fact attend Columbia (I was worried).

  9. Anonymous  

    Wait, I'm in love with you.

  10. Anonymous  

    Mario is the man

  11. If the Core is epic,  

    Mario is epically boring. He is entirely "devoid" of any and all excitement.

    It's true, though. He's not funny.

    • Anonymous  

      SO TRUE. WHAT A BORING PERSON.
      "Regrets? Be bold (this sounds like im advertising for BlackBerry…)Strike up subway conversations, jump into new worlds. The regrets I have are failings of this sort."--- Speaks for itself...

  12. Anonymous

    bottle service at campo? haha dying! let's senior scramble

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