May

7

Masterpieces of Western Television II

Written by

Your knowledge of the canon of Western Television is incomplete without the second semester. So, Bwog did a bunch of procrastinating studying and finished up the study guide. 

Rocket Power
It was sometimes difficult to watch Otto, Twister, Squid, and Reggie doing extreme sports when all we could do was eat out Honeynut Cheerios on the couch every Saturday morning. But we got over that quickly watching them do Ollies, surf unbelievably gnarly waves, and manage to have super crazy dreads at a mere nine-years old (?). Whatever—it’ all cool, bro. Woogie, woogie.

The Real World
When the Real World first aired on MTV, it introduced a host of real-to-life, diverse characters from across the country. The reality show was meant to tackle relevant political and social issues for American teenagers and young adults. But soon after—thank god—the network decided to pick trashy but hot guys and gals from the dregs of humanity (New Jersey) and give them an unlimited budget to spend on alcohol and fuck shit up (oh, and each other).

All That
Name a sketch-comedy show that is better and you would be, well, wrong.

That 70’s Show
Perhaps the most memorable element of the show was the circling video camera that made us as out of the commission as the joint the characters passed while having heart-to-hearts. Despite our urge to sympathize with these rebellious teenagers who had sex and listened to rock n’roll, Red stole the show with his biting humor and unwillingness to pull back punches.

Lizzie McGuire
It is still a mystery to most of us why Hilary Duff’s perfectly thin best friend David Gordon was nicknamed Gordo. Regardless, it is impossible to deny that we had a crush on his stunningly dorky looks and ability to rock out at his bar mitzvah. This show defined PG relationships, and captured all of our vanilla insecurities in middle school. Somehow watching it now still brings back fond memories of thinking pimples were the reason we weren’t cool, when really no one was.


Saved By The Bell

We might have been too young to watch the episodes as they debuted, but that didn’t stop us from catching almost every early morning rerun on TBS while getting ready for school. Amidst the neon hats and tacky 80’s sweaters, watching Zach Morris conquer the temple of awkwardness known as middle/high school equated to “How to be Cool and Charming While Not Taking Drugs or Having Premarital Sex 101”. Yes, it was campy, but something about the way each character dealt with semi-real problems like relationships or testing stress was endearing. Every time Zach would break the fourth wall with a wink and a smile, we knew everything was going to be okay.

 

Full House

Bwog wishes Bob Saget, John Stamos, and John Coulier were our collective dad. Seriously, then we solely communicate in cute catchphrases (see “How Rude!”, “You Got It, Dude!”, You’re in Big Trouble, Mister!”, every other line ever spoken by Michelle ever).

 

Boy Meets World

If Zach Morris taught us how to be cool, Cory Matthews taught us how to be humble. Even though Shawn was often the troublemaker and came from a broken family, Cory supported him as a friend no matter what. Even though Cory would rather talk sports with his friends, he gave English class a second chance due to the Dead-Poets-Society-esque teachings  of Mr. Jonathan Edwards. Even though Topanga gets into Yale, she goes to the fictional Pennbrook University and marries Cory. Okay, the last thing might not have been okay, but it was a great show regardless. Don’t try to act like you don’t compare your professors to Mr. Feeny.

 

Pokémon

When at home, watch Pokémon. When in the car, play the GameBoy game (Silver/Gold FTW). When with friends, play the card game. When you’re in college, rinse and repeat. Why did a paradigmatic zeitgeist of the 90’s concern a set of Japanese monsters that live in little balls, speak only their own names, and fight each other?

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19 Comments

  1. i wish i had  

    TWO THOUSAND FEET

  2. Anonymous  

    THIS IS THE GREATEST POST EVER

  3. I'M SO EXCIIIIIIITED, I'M SOOO EXCIIIIITED  

    I'M SO SCARED

  4. omg

    Boy meets world! No one loves like that anymore :(

  5. Anonymous  

    fuck lizzie mcguire. hate that show.

  6. Speaking of Saved by the Bell...  

    Mr. Belding made a guest appearance on Mad Men last night. I felt like my childhood had come to a startling, abrupt end.

  7. Anonymous  

    if that were i actual class i'd ace it like no other.

  8. REGGIE ROCKET, DURING FINALS  

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  9. Anonymous

    it always frustrated me that Topanga went to Pennbrook (which is probably Penn State) and married Cory. almost as much as it offended me when everyone thought she was pregnant just cause she wasn't model thin.

  10. where are the  

    senior wisdoms?

  11. Anonymous  

    I don't see: Recess, 7th Heaven, City Guys and Dawson's Creek! C'mon guys!

  12. I Love being a 90s baby  

    FEENY, FE-FE-FE-FEEEEEEENYYYY...

    I miss shows like these. These 2000-ers don't know what they are missing!

    BEST POST EVER

  13. Anonymous  

    Who plays Pokemon Gold or Silver? Everyone knows Red and Blue are the only two real Pokemon games. Generation I, the original 151 Pokemon, is what counts. And don't get me started on Ruby or Pearl or Black or whatever it is they make these days.

  14. Anonymous  

    Yo, I still watch Boy Meets World. Eric is hilarious.

  15. Anonymous  

    WAIT - is that Amanda Bynes in the All That sketch? I had a huge crush on her as a kid.

  16. Anonymous

    Woah I forgot Rocket Power existed! Thanks.

    And Boy Meets World is awesome.

  17. Anonymous  

    Inconvenience Store is highly offensive. Fuck that.

  18. yeah so um  

    can we talk about how racist that all that sketch is

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